wholehearted Archives

Joy and resilience in challenging times

December 27, 2018

For a wise woman once

told Her that Her tears

were the most

healing waters of them all

Rise Sister Rise – Rebecca Campbell

Can joy be part of resilience in challenging times? This post explores how developing resilience and a kind of joy in small moments can help us through the most difficult times.

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy is my Word of the Year for 2018. I’m reflecting on my experience of JOY this past year in a series of posts here.

I’ve realised that each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

alongside deep grief
and resilience in challenging times (this post)
in travel and being away from home (to come soon)
in creative work and my calling (to come soon)

I hope you find these reflections valuable for your own journeys with joy, grief, resilience, creativity and wholehearted self-leadership. And I look forward to your thoughts and experiences too on these issues and feelings.

Joy and resilience in challenging times

In the second quarter of the year, we faced extreme challenges as a family. Circumstances that took us all into unfamiliar territory. Again and on the back of the first quarter’s experiences, I had to work out where any sense of joy and optimism sat alongside all of this.

A book helped me immensely at this time: Rick Hanson’s Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakeable Core of Calm, Strength and Happiness. Practical, positive and based in neuroscience, this book focuses on 12 hard-wired inner strengths and how to cultivate them.

I read this book as an audiobook while driving and also an ebook when at home, dipping into its wisdom whenever I could. A toolkit of psychological resources and strategies, it helped me realise the resources I already had for navigating this extreme time. It also provided simple but powerful tips for changing my mind-set as I dealt with significant pain and challenge.

Resilient practices and joy

The two practices prompted by reading ‘Resilient’ that helped me most were:

Honouring my psychological resources
Feeling the beauty of joy in small ways as well as feeling pain

Honouring my psychological resources

Having been through a fair amount of pain, challenge and loss in my life, I’ve built up psychological resources to be more resilient and strong. We all do this. Everything we go through teaches us if we are open to the lessons.

At times, I have had to dig deep and be reflective, talk to special friends and professionals. I’ve learnt when to spend time alone, when to practice self-care and how to balance my needs with others. Tough lessons all and with more challenges stretching me, I dug deep into my learning this year and I learnt more. I am much better at contacting people and talking when I need it now rather than battling on alone.

I sought help from a psychologist to check in on my well-being and psychological resources at this time. This was positive and encouraging as someone trained and objective listened to what was happening and how I was dealing with it.

She provided valued feedback that I was doing well at this challenging time considering all that had happened and was happening. This helped me feel more self-compassionate and self-confident even as I felt overwhelmed. Perhaps not a feeling of joy, but it certainly helped me immensely. I was ready for a series of sessions if need be. But I found for this time, one session and conversation was enough to feel stronger and self-reliant, drawing on my personal resources.

Feeling beauty in small everyday joys as well as feeling pain

A big learning this year has been that it is okay to feel the beauty and joy of everyday things even as we feel immense pain.

Rick Hanson reminds us we can take an approach of gratitude:

Thankfulness is not about minimizing or denying hassles, illness, loss, or injustice. It is simply about appreciating what is also true: such as flowers and sunlight, paper clips and fresh water, the kindness of others, easy access to knowledge and wisdom, and light at the flick of a switch.

This ability to acknowledge and feel concurrent truths helped so much. One helps to balance and provide grounding for the other. I have found special joy in swimming, reading, writing, tarot work, sitting in the sun, cups of tea, coffee and connection with special friends and family at this time. These simple acts were a blessing and wisdom that helped me move through so much.

Feeling all the feelings

Sometimes we just need to acknowledge and accept that things are terrible and dark and find the points of resilience and strength that will get us through. In this way, we can discover transcendent energies we can tap into. They fuel us and help us strengthen wholeheartedly for life.

As a person with INTJ Jung/Myers-Briggs® personality type preferences, feeling is something I have worked on over time to balance my natural tendency and strength for thinking and logic. I am much better at working with both the head and the heart now. Through this time I learnt to experience feelings more deeply – sadness, anger, exhaustion, helplessness, frustration, fear, worry, pain. There were plenty of feelings moving through me.

I’m more open to going through feelings as a process step to the next stage rather than going around them. Especially through my intuitive work with Amber Adrian over time and her writings on All the Feelings, I’ve learnt to lean in and really feel my feelings. Crying and physical expression of feelings were part of this too. Amber has reminded me to ask “What next?” with feelings. In this way, we can move on and through, clearing out and moving onto the next stage of what we are dealing with and our response.

Joy and resilience

So there wasn’t so much joy in this second quarter of the year. It certainly didn’t feel joyful and at times, it was just very dark. In response to my post on joy and grief on Instagram, Cheryl Haezebroeck aka @the_intrepid_goddess shared that:

I love how a word of the year is such a learning experience because not only is the Word featured but the shadow is there too for our awareness and healing.

This is true. We can’t expect it all to be our stereotypical version of a word. Nor can we expect it to be all sunshine and light just because we choose a positive word, as lovely as that would be.

The lessons are often deeper and more long-standing involving shadow work. As I learnt with joy and grief, understanding the ability to live with paradox in challenging circumstances made all the difference. I was able to carve out small spaces of the day to manage self-care and practice resilience as I dealt with the most extreme worry.

And in the smallest moments, joy found a place in my heart and kept me hopeful, optimistic and confident that I knew what to do. These moments sustained me and kept me strong as I drew deeply on my resources to care for both myself and loved ones.

Have you experienced something like this? How have joy and other positive practices helped you with being resilient? What have dark circumstances taught you about the paradox of joy and resilience? Share your thoughts in the comments or on social media – Facebook or Instagram.

Find Your Word process + tools

First though, some information on the process and tools that can help you. If you have never worked on a Word of the Year, it’s a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. For the first few years, I found I was writing the same goals each year and not achieving them. This was mostly about writing books and making space for creativity in my life. Each year was swallowed up by work and my creative goals kept getting lost.

In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your word for the year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.

You might also enjoy:

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside deep grief

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence love, loss & longing

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside grief

December 19, 2018

This post explores joy and grief: how I have been able to find joy alongside deep grief, the challenges and what it has it taught me.

When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior.

Danielle LaPorte

Joy and grief in 2018

Joy is my word of the year for 2018. I shared the beginning of my story of working with ‘joy’ here. It certainly wasn’t what I expected. Though I knew it was never going to be an easy or straightforward journey. Reflecting on this past year, I’ve found the journey of exploring joy falls into themes or stages around the quarters of the year of finding joy…

alongside deep grief
and resilience in challenge
in travel and being away from home
in creative work and my calling

This post explores finding joy alongside deep grief and how the two can co-exist. A focus of the first quarter of 2018, this theme and learning has continued through-out this year in different ways. It’s been an undercurrent that I continue to work with even now.

The challenge of choosing joy

Choosing joy as my word was always going to be full of challenge. The end of 2016 and all of 2017 were very challenging as I supported my beautiful mother after her diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer in September 2016. After a very tough year, my mother passed away on Christmas Day last year and her funeral was in the first week of 2018. So as you can imagine, joy was not a feature of life through that time.

But I chose the word joy because I wanted more of it in my life. It’s a word often associated with Christmas and that time highlighted just how far I felt from feeling joy. Even the concept of ‘enJOYing’ life in any way can seem challenging when you are caring for another with a terminal illness and then supporting them in the final stages of life. A friend described this time as an “agonising privilege” and it is this exactly. So putting in a claim for a year around joy in 2018 always felt somewhat audacious and optimistic. I wondered what it would bring.

Finding joy alongside deep grief

Balancing even the thought of joy with grief was hard in practice especially at the start of the year. I attended the Priestess Business Workshop, part of The Goddess Roadtrip led by Julie Parker and Sora Surya No in early January. It was the day before my mother’s funeral and being amongst powerful, supportive allies and female energy felt like the best place to be. The wonderful Jade McKenzie ran a session at the workshop on being seen and what we unapologetically wanted to be. We stood up one by one to say this and be witnessed by the room and women there.

The statement I wrote down, in line with my word of the year, was: “I am unapologetically joyful.” When it came to my turn to stand up, I just froze. I couldn’t get the words out. The tears came and the room, full of female coaches and healers of all kinds, was silent and encouraging. All the women there held powerful, silent space for me as I gathered my strength and dealt with the tsunami of emotions barrelling through me.

Eventually, through tears, I was able to say the words, “I am unapologetically joyful“. I felt immediately stronger claiming joy, if also very fragile. It demonstrated the enormous tension that lies in the juxtaposition of grief and joy. I began to have a deeper sense that day of how challenging this paradox of grief and joy might be.

It’s like we are drawn into a binary view of the world, not allowing ourselves to feel joy in any way when we are in deep sadness and pain. I realised finding joy, playfulness, fun, laughter and happiness again against a backdrop of deep grief was not going to be easy. But it felt central to this year’s journey.

The paradox of joy and grief

A big learning this year is that it’s okay to feel the joy of everyday things at the same time as we feel immense pain. We tend to make it an either/or, saying to ourselves either I feel grief or I feel joy. I cannot feel both. It can feel like a terrible tension and betrayal of our pain if we feel good in any way. And feeling joy or lighter feelings can somehow feel like a betrayal of a particular person and their memory. It as if we feel we need to stay in a certain emotional space to honour that person. In this, we can deny ourselves positive feelings and experiences that can help us move through the grief and loss. Over time, this can set in and become habitual and the mindset of how we live.

Danielle LaPorte in her book White Hot Truth has much to say about the wisdom of paradox and courage to change your beliefs. She deals with a number of paradoxes such as:

Lead with your heart and… Your head.

Be open-hearted and… Have clear, strong boundaries.

Trust and… Do the work.
From Rock Your Paradoxes

For me, joy and grief is a kind of paradox and polarity we can work with, one that does rock our beliefs but brings wisdom in its wake.

Difference between joy and happiness

Danielle has something to say about that too in her piece, The difference between joy and happiness. And why it helps to know.

Herein lies the heart of the matter. The key thing is it is not about a mutually exclusive choice between feeling grief or joy. It’s not about the more fleeting feelings of happiness either. Learning to navigate the paradox of feeling joy and grief at the same time is a journey of wisdom. It’s one I’ve spent much of the year on. Danielle’s piece provides powerful insights. Here are a few perspectives that distil my experiential learning about joy and grief:

Consciousness is not an either/or equation. It’s about bothness.
The capacity to expand into bothness — the awareness of your joy in all circumstances — is so much of what it means to evolve…

Happiness is like rising bubbles — delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen — ever present….

Joy is the fibre of your Soul….

This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that.
Danielle LaPorte

Lessons from joy and grief

So this year has been full of heart-felt lessons about joy and grief.

It’s been full of learning to live in paradox and seeing joy as a kind of oxygen. This learning set the tone of the first quarter of the year as I moved through the deep grief of losing my mother. As people who have been there will know, it’s a defining moment of your life. At the same time, I also experienced my job being deleted and becoming redundant in February. So there were layers of different kinds of grief I was working through all at the same time.

I learnt it was okay to feel joy – celebrating the joy of my mother’s beautiful life, the strength that lives on in me, my female ancestry and lineage, her loving kindness and knowing she was cheering me on as always as I moved into a new phase of life. All of these qualities and the simple pleasures of water, light, tea, sun, reading, swimming, friends and family helped me navigate much at this time.

Grief and joy can co-exist. By weaving one with the other, the passage through is deeply felt but somehow more sure-footed and grounded. Being able to smile and embrace the full gamut of emotions simultaneously is a wholehearted learning joy has taught me.

This first part of the year set the tone. It taught me that joy is often found in the smallest moments that we allow ourselves to feel even as we feel great sorrow. The light of joy can shine gently into the shadows of our sadness helping us find pockets of positive reflections to sustain us and move us forward.

I learnt more on this on the way through the year – and share further in the next posts to come.

Shared with much love and in memory of my mother, the most truly beautiful person, who taught me how to feel joy alongside deep grief in the most selfless of ways.

More information: Word of the Year resources

Working on a Word of the Year is a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

intuition wholehearted stories

When the inner voice calls, and calls again – my journey to wholehearted living

December 18, 2018

This guest post from Heidi Washburn explores the call to respond to the inner voice over time as a path to the deepest of wholehearted journeys.

This is the 14th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I am honoured to have my friend Heidi Washburn as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Heidi and I met in Hoi An, Vietnam at Kerstin Pilz’s writing and yoga retreat in September, 2018 and enjoyed a time of deep connection during that week. I invited Heidi to tell her wholehearted story here. Heidi reflects on a moment of career shift in her life when everything changed. She shares how the inner voice often calls again and again and listening to it is a practice that evolves through our lives. Read Heidi’s reflections on her journey of responding to calls from her inner voice in deeper ways, a journey that continues!

Sometimes life changes suddenly: discovering a secret, a hurricane, a birth or a death. Sometimes the change is more subtle, more gradual and instigated by internal signals. Those signals may manifest differently for each of us. The question is when and how do we listen? How do we respond? What challenges do we face once we admit a change is coming? What happens if we ignore the call?

Many times in my life I have pushed past my inner knowing, trying to fit into the accepted norm, frustrated that the norm didn’t feel right or I couldn’t seem to do it right. As hard as I tried I could not happily push past my instincts and join the crowd. It is only when I listen and respond that the whole of me is present and engaged. It is it something that I cannot always do on my own. This ride in wholehearted living requires a lot of support, a lot of losing and regaining momentum.

My life is an evolving ever-changing journey. This is about my major career shift in my mid-forties followed by recent reflections on a lifetime of learning to listen, respond and deepen.

Setting the scene

Let’s get some perspective. In the 80’s there was minimal internet. There were no smartphones, no blogs, no easily available GPS, no online support groups and we were just out of an era when corporations took care of their employees, often for life. Leaving a successful, lucrative career was an unusual move generating a lot of opinions and, dare I say, envy.

Let’s set the scene for the moment everything changed. One rainy fall night, I was driving home to Saugerties, New York from a late meeting in New Jersey, a good two and a half hours’ drive. Visibility was sparse and I had to strain to find my way out of the corporate complex in the dark, while squinting at the map on my lap. My eyes were heavy, it was a long day and I just wanted to get home.

I was ten years into my market research consulting business, I had back-up staff and my work was in demand. Hard work, constant traveling and late nights had paid off. Yet something was not right. I was losing touch with my family and friends because I was always out of town. The only love life I could fit in was an on-demand friend with benefits. I was having dizzy spells and anxiety attacks. My teenage daughter was home alone too many nights and I wasn’t on top of her struggles in life. My friends were making noises about an intervention for my “workaholic” problem.

What problem? I loved doing in-depth interviews, consolidating them into a meaningful story for my clients and giving advice in the boardroom. I found a way to be listened to in my profession if not in my personal life. My introverted self found a way to be out front as long as I had a role to play. The operative word here is ‘role’. More and more, it felt like a role that was not me. I was trying to stay in a shell that no longer fit or serviced me. At the same time, something deeper was emerging, but I was flying too high to notice.

The voice and the moment everything changed

Back to the rainy fall night. As I said, I just wanted to get home to my bed. As I pulled onto the familiar Garden State Parkway, the rain let up and I relaxed. Before I could turn on the radio for entertainment a voice in my head came on instead. A quiet, gentle but firm voice, not just a thought.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

What?

“I said! I don’t want to do this anymore.”

What do you mean? You have to. You just got the business where you want it. You have staff, an office and now you can do the more creative work. Isn’t that what you wanted?

That was the end of the conversation. Or so I thought.

After that night, after that very moment, everything changed but so quietly and slowly I hardly noticed. Of course, I was the one making the decisions. However, I didn’t know where I was going or what the path was. Deep change doesn’t come with a check-list or a schedule. And there is no guarantee that things will work out for the best.

Shifting to deeper awareness and action

First, I became aware that I pushed through the day without eating even though I constantly yearned for food. Why wasn’t I feeding myself? I went to a nutritionist weekly for three months to get better eating habits and basically learn to nurture myself.

I began bringing more and more things from my New York City apartment and office to my ‘weekend’ house in Saugerties. By the time I set up an office in the Saugerties basement, my NYC assistant asked: “Are you ever coming back?” And she got another job. She knew what was coming before I did.

I submerged myself in therapy and enrolled in singing lessons to open up my voice.

I wanted a more meaningful life and figured I should be able to find it in a couple of months. I was used to getting things under control.

Getting to know that inner voice

I had skills I enjoyed and that contributed to my success: creating a safe space for people to express themselves, drawing people out, deep listening, analyzing overall trends, presenting my ideas and writing. Maybe I would be a psychotherapist? I applied to two graduate schools in California, but before I heard from them my inner knowing led me another way. I started training in wholistic counseling, yoga and healthy lifestyle. I spent months at Kripalu, a yoga and meditation center. In between I still took on consulting projects to sustain my searching.

The inner voice grew stronger the more space and time I gave it. After chanting three days straight during a Kripalu one-month retreat, I sent out a prayer from a song by Linda Wooster: “Take these hands and turn them into light beams.” I still didn’t realize quite where I was going and how meaningful that prayer would be.

Finding my path as a somatic practitioner

I am a kinesthetic person. Formal psychology is too mental and structured for me. So, I went to massage school. Out of massage school I searched for a mind-body approach that worked for me. I was still taking occasional consulting jobs.

The months of transition turned into two years, reading, searching, training, experimenting, meditating, getting help from therapists, poking the fire for hours.

One day a massage therapist touched my head and moved my neck ever so slightly just for a couple of minutes. My whole body deeply let go. I felt safe, heard and known through her touch.

“What was that?!” I murmured through my bliss.

She told me it was Craniosacral Therapy. I wanted to do that work. I just knew it.

From there I began training in Craniosacral Therapy, a way to work with mind-body-emotions-spirit. I found my home but not yet a career. It took a couple of years before I had the confidence to practice. And to totally leave my business.

Meanwhile, I needed to live a simpler life and reduce expenses. I was happier, but much less affluent.

Clearing the way to live fully

On a sunny day in August, my beautiful Saugerties house was sold and I was moving one town over to a small two-bedroom rental in Woodstock, taking my cat and my new life with me. My old house was ready for its new owners, except for the bright red landline kitchen phone. Just as I was about to walk out the open front door for the last time, final items under my arm, the phone’s shrill ring echoed throughout the empty house. Even the answering service was disconnected, so I rushed back to answer it. An advertising company was calling me to see if I was available for a market research consulting job.

This will be a short call! Standing straight and with a clear voice I gave the answer for the first and last time.

“I don’t do that anymore.” That was it. I felt exhilarated.

I have been asked if I have ever regret leaving my consulting career. It was a good run and mostly I loved it. But I was learning that my sensitive system needed a gentler, more spacious environment. So, did I regret it? Not for a nanosecond. I have been asked, did I ever worry about making a living? Things get tight now and then and I do worry about a future when I can no longer work. The lifestyle I have chosen is short on long-term security. My practice goes up and down. I would like to create some kind of community living as I age, but as an introvert am not too skilled at groups. So, the future is uncertain. Yet, I would never change my decision. I chose to live fully instead of setting myself up for a less-than-wholehearted fate.

Reflections and new perspectives

I don’t really know what brings up that mysterious inner voice sending me one direction or another. Some people might call it guidance. All I know is that it is powerful when I listen. A year ago, I just knew I had to go to Vietnam, thinking it was about the war that impacted my generation and my life when my young husband went to fight. One step led to another and on a hot September day I arrived in Hoi An for Kerstin Pilz’s Write Your Journey Writing Retreat. At 75, I have reclaimed myself as a writer and reclaimed the story I need to tell. And another adventure begins.

My first draft of this piece included mention of my accountant for my consulting business. Stan would show up at my office and stare out the window as if he wanted to vaporize and pass though it.

“Oh,” he murmured, “how I would like to be a painter, but I have to work.”

Then, less than two years into our business relationship and in his mid-thirties, he had a heart attack and died. In my draft, I used this story to show how dangerous it is not to follow your heart, your dreams. But, I was being lofty, arrogant, and disrespectful to my accountant. It implied that we have control over our destiny if we just listen.

Meeting the unexpected with deeper insights

I put aside the first draft, let it sit for a while to see if it was really what I wanted to say. I thought a lot about listening to that inner voice. Asked friends how they knew when something is “right.” One looks for a sense of deepening and clarity, another a feeling in her gut and still another uses a pendulum. I learned that each person has their own unique way of listening. I thought I had the answer to controlling destiny. Tune into what is right for you and all will be revealed.

Then, I had a heart attack. It was mild as heart attacks go. It has a name: Takotsubo, also called Broken Heart Syndrome. Given my low blood pressure, lack of any artery blockage, perfect cholesterol, and lean body, the only explanation is stress. I meditate, eat a healthy diet, process emotions and enjoy my career as a craniosacral therapist. This shouldn’t happen to me. But it did.

My point is, who knows why my accountant had his heart attack. Or, maybe I didn’t have mine until I was 75 instead of 45 because at 45 I followed the calling to change my life. I am inspired to once again look deeply. How do I want to spend the remaining years? The inquiry is the path to aliveness. These days I am more and more excited about each day as I heal my broken heart.

What I have learned

I have learned:

that we can affect our quality of life in a big way, but not control it.
to embrace the precious qualities of being an empath and an introvert with creative talents and deep wisdom to share.
to step up my self-care, boundary setting and need for spaciousness to be present for the wonders and tragedies life throws my way.
to rest before I am exhausted.
to trust and be grateful for the amazing support system that comes to my aid when I am in trouble.
that I love to share through teaching and writing.
the sound of my inner voice when it calls.

And I am still learning.

Resources that have supported me

These are some resources that have supported me:

Hakomi: a Buddhist-centred wholistic counselling method

Psychosynthesis: a wholistic counselling method

Mindfulness/Insight meditation: Dharma.org has talks available for free

Upledger Institute: listings of craniosacral therapy practitioners around the world

Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy

Write Your Journey, Kerstin Pilz: upcoming meditation, yoga, writing retreat in Hoi An, Vietnam September 2019

Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

The Empath’s Survival Guide, Judith Orloff

About Heidi Washburn

Heidi Washburn is a craniosacral and massage therapist, writer, practitioner of gentle yoga and insight meditation, friend, sister, aunt, great aunt, mother and cat lover. She specializes in working with other empaths and INFPs who do best in
a spacious, safe, gentle and mindful environment. Heidi has been practicing
bodywork for over 25 years with advanced clinical training and certification in Hakomi, Psychosynthesis, Upledger Craniosacral Therapy and Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. More recently, Heidi has joyously immersed herself in the sacred art of writing. She is working on a memoir about secrets and how the truth liberates the unexpected. You can connect with Heidi via her website or email at washburn.heidi@gmail.com

Photograph attribution as follows and used with permission and thanks:

Images 1, 2, 3, 9 – Terri Connellan
Images 4, 5, 7 – Heidi Washburn
Image 6 – Pexels.com
Image 8 – Nigel Rowles
Bio portrait: Amber Roniger Photography

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

You might also enjoy my free 94-page ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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creativity wholehearted stories

Maps to Self: my Wholehearted Story

November 7, 2018

This guest post from Sylvia Barnowski explores how our maps to self can create the deepest of wholehearted journeys.

Sylvia Barnowski

This is the 13th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

I am honoured to have my friend Sylvia Barnowski as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Sylvia shares how experiences and influences in her life have led her to the concept of ‘maps to self’ as a valuable guide. This is a practice she cultivates and shares with others through her creative work and spiritual practices. Sylvia also weaves creative work that has been part of her self-discovery process through this piece. Read Sylvia’s reflections on her journey of discovering her maps to self to guide your story!

Sylvia is hosting a giveaway on the New Moon (7 November Northern Hemisphere time) on Instagram. The lucky winner will receive a 2019 Moon Mandala wall calendar. More details below at the bottom of the post.

The longer I live the more my story changes. Maybe because the story has so many layers, or maybe because everything looks different in hindsight. There was a time in my life that I thought I had found the answers to the deepest questions only to realise that even the best answers can change over time. So, the questions remained: who am I? what is life all about? why I am here? what is my purpose? how to live my life?

These questions never really leave me and as I move throughout the chapters of my life, they stay under my skin, settling comfortably in the chambers of my heart as they wait for the right moment to burst out onto the surface. As I move forward, all I am getting are the hints for the next step, my inner knowing is my compass and I realize that this is the way it always was, even when I thought I was stuck or lost. The answers and the maps were always within.

Secret destinations

Martin Buber wrote:

Every journey has a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware.

And with passing years his words resonate with me more and more. I don’t know my destination, and finally I see this as a part of the adventure not a curse. There was a time in my life that I was angry about this. I was jealous about other people’s straight paths, how they knew which direction to go, how they had their one thing that they were good at and were able to pour their energy and passion into it. They were able to create something, become someone, while I was always searching.

For years, I didn’t know who I was becoming. Even though I don’t like labels, I wished there was a way to describe me and what I will do “once I grow up”. I had too many interests and wasn’t willing to let go of most of them to choose only one. Unable to choose one way of living, I often felt fragmented and wanted to find a way to integrate the separated selves into a one neatly designed life. It was not until recently that I started to make peace with the way my life is turning out. Deep down, I still believe that one day things will make more sense, but I don’t fight with myself anymore, I’m learning to embrace who I am right now and trust the unfolding process. I’m learning to embrace my secret destination.

Expansion and change

I finished Fine Art school in Poland and worked as an artist and graphic designer at one of Krakow’s Cultural Centres. Even though I loved my work and the daily creative process, my soul wanted more. It was not enough for me to create; there was a part of me that needed to dive deeper. I applied to a Religious Studies program with the hope that learning about what each religion has to say about God will give me the answers not only to the question about the meaning of life but about God himself.

For the next five years I worked as an artist during the week and attended classes on weekends. I didn’t get the answers I was looking for, instead my mind opened to new concepts and I learned to see things in a new way. I learned about philosophy, psychology, sociology, mythology, cultural anthropology, and about all the religions of the world, starting with the primitive cultures and ending with the contemporary sects. I discovered the work of William James, Carl Gustav Jung, Joseph Campbell, Stanislav Grof, Mircea Eliade to name a few that made a huge impact on my understanding of myself and the world around me. I became fascinated with the mind, the unconscious, spiritual practices and experiences, I fell in love with the mystics, shamans and a few outcasts. I felt the expansion.

As Emerson pointed out

[t]he mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions

and that was exactly what happened to me during the time spent at the university. My mind stretched beyond what I thought was possible and I became deeply changed by this experience.

The next step to a new path

I never had a chance to find out what I would do when I finished my Master’s degree because as I was writing my Master’s thesis (about one of the outcasts), I met my husband. He was visiting Poland but he lived in Canada and I knew that the next step on my path was to move to the other side of the ocean with him. I packed two suitcases and took the three chapters of my master’s thesis with me and left Krakow to start the next chapter of my life in Calgary. I never finished my thesis realizing that the energy I would have to spend on writing it and going back to Poland would be better invested in my new life.

Even though it did seem like the fairy tale about the prince who arrived on a white horse and took me with him (and in many ways it still is), it did not mean that immigrating to a new country and starting my life over again at the age of thirty was a piece of cake. There are many lessons I learned over the last 15 years as an immigrant and then citizen of Canada; but two realizations stand out the most. I discovered my own resilience and I finally (just recently) recognized and acknowledged how lost I felt throughout all these years.

Looking for yourself in what you do

I often return to this poignant quote by Eckhart Tolle, because I see so much of myself in it. Tolle says:

[t]here’s nothing wrong with doing new things, pursuing activities, exploring new countries, meeting new people, acquiring knowledge and expertise, developing your physical or mental abilities, and creating whatever you’re called upon to create in this world. It is beautiful to create in this world, and there is always more that you can do. Now the question is, are you looking for yourself in what you do? Are you attempting to add more to who you think you are? Are you compulsively striving toward the next moment and the next and the next, hoping to find some sense of completion and fulfillment?

If I am honest with myself my answer is yes, I was looking for myself in pursuing all the achievements since my immigration. At the same time I felt I was following my inner compass every time I said “yes” to the opportunity for growth. Before I could figure out which direction I wanted to go in this new place, I had to learn English. As soon as I was able to write an academic essay in English, I applied to a Social Work program to kick off my Canadian education. At that time, I had already given birth to both of my children and when I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Work my son was seven, my daughter five and I was almost 40 years old.

Learning and further expansion

Once I started the learning I couldn’t stop. Things and opportunities were lining up. As soon as I completed one thing, the next was waiting around the corner. I certified as an Embodied Awareness facilitator, became a Reiki Master-practitioner, trained in Expressive Arts Therapy, completed a Master’s Degree in Clinical Social Work, became a spiritual, life and energetic coach and shamanic practitioner. I’ve worked as a counselor, first at a shelter for abused women, then at a distress centre where I mostly worked with suicidal clients and people in crisis. I created a program for caregivers, and worked in hospitals with people with chronic and terminal illnesses in various outpatient clinics and in the emergency department where I still work today.

Finding time to create and trusting the path

Throughout all these years while concentrating on raising my children and achieving yet another goal, I still tried to find time to create. It was more like “stealing” time for something that was nourishing and making me feel alive. I often felt like I was living two parallel lives and even though they were feeding and complementing each other, one was always more visible than the other. I feel like I have arrived at the point, where I don’t want that separation anymore. The need for integration was always present but it is the first time in my life that the circumstances are allowing that integration to finally happen. It is a conscious striving to bring all the parts of who I am together.

I still don’t necessarily know where I am going. I still don’t see a clear path ahead of me but I learned to trust that the path will show up as I move forward. It always does. On the days that I forget, get frustrated or doubt I remind myself Joseph Campbell’s words:

If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.

I might not know exactly where the path will lead me but I found a few things that help me to stay on the right (for me) path. They became the practices that bring me back to myself: creative process, self-inquiry, and co-creating with life.

Creative process

Creative process is an integral part of my life. We are all creative beings even if we are unable to see and believe in it. Creating makes me feel alive, maybe because when I create “I” disappear. I do not create art; my work is about self-expression. My practice is intuitive. I am interested in the process of discovery, of finding out what will happen next on the paper or canvas. This is a process that requires trust, and it is so similar to the way I live my life now. In my work I often use self-portraits; it is not a sign of vanity but an intrinsic need to tell my own story and to witness who I am becoming.

Self-inquiry

Neale Donald Walsch wrote:

The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine what you want to be.

As much as I like this particular quote, I believe that in life there is a need for both: the discovery and the creation. I want to understand myself and my motives, and I want to face my fears. This is why self-inquiry and working with the unconscious is so important for me. Sometimes the understanding happens on an intuitive level and there are no words needed to explain the shift but I found writing to be a powerful outlet for this inner work practice. I am a fan of Jung who said:

who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

Looking inside might not always be easy but I found it is always a rewarding experience.

Co-creating with life

In our society, we establish goals and make plans to achieve them. We often push ourselves to complete the task without paying attention to our true needs. For many years this is how I operated, like everyone I have been conditioned to act that way. It seemed that “pushing” had its benefits, it helped me to achieve a lot. But ultimately pushing too hard for too long manifested as an autoimmune disease in my body and that way of being in the world was no longer a viable option for me.

For the past few years, I intentionally paid attention to life seasons and cycles and learned the way of ebbs and flows. I started following the moon and watched as my life became a dance of co-creation. There are many ways to create and the ultimate way I found is to co-create with life. I am still working on balancing these two approaches as both – the masculine and feminine ways of being in the world – are needed.

There are definitely more things that I learned over the past 45 years of my life but these three practices became a way of bringing me back on the right track. As an empath, social worker and humanitarian, I am much attuned to other people’s needs, but I am finally learning to listen to my own needs as well. Lately, Howard Thurman’s words serve as my guide:

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

I’m working on it!

Giveaway!

Sylvia is hosting a giveaway on the New Moon (7 November Northern Hemisphere time) on Instagram. The lucky winner will receive a 2019 Moon Mandala wall calendar. This beautiful calendar was created by April Miller McMurtry from The Moon Is My Calendar and one of Sylvia’s mandalas is featured there. To participate, look for this picture on Sylvia’s Instagram fed and follow the instructions. Good Luck!

Important and inspiring books:

Creative Process

Art as Medicine – Shaun McNiff
Art is a Spiritual Path – Pat B. Allen
Art is a Way of Knowing – Pat B. Allen
Big Magic. Creative Living Beyond Fear – Elizabeth Gilbert
Maps to Ecstasy. A Healing Journey for the Untamed Spirit – Gabrielle Roth
The Art of Dreaming. Tools for Creative Dream Work – Jill Mellick
The Artist’s Way. A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity – Julia Cameron
The Courage to Create – Rollo May
The Creative Connection. Expressive Arts as Healing – Natalie Rogers
The Crossroads of Should and Must – Elle Luna
The Mandala Workbook. A Creative Guide for Self-Exploration, Balance, and Well-Being – Susanne F. Fincher
Trust the Process – Shaun McNiff
Wild Creative. Igniting Your Passion and Potential in Work, Home, and Life – Tami Lynn Kent

Writing

At a Journal Workshop. Writing Access the Power of the Unconscious and Evoke Creative Ability – Ira Progoff
Bird by Bird. Some Instructions on Writing and Life – Anne Lamott
Heal Yourself with Writing – Catherine Ann Jones
Life’s Companion. Journal Writing as a Spiritual Practice – Christina Baldwin
Pain and Possibility. Writing Your Way Through Personal Crisis – Gabriele Rico
Poem Medicine. The Healing Art of Poem-Making – John Fox
Freeing Your Life with Words – Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge
Saved by a Poem. The Transformative Power of Words – Kim Rosen
The New Diary. How to Use a Journal for Self-Guidance and Expanded Creativity – Tristine Rainer
The War of Art. Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles – Steven Pressfield
Writing as a Path to Awakening. A Year to Becoming an Excellent Writer and Living an Awakened Life – Albert Flynn DeSilver
Writing from the Body. For Writers, Artists, and Dreamers Who Long to Free Their Voice – John Lee
Writing the Natural Way – Gabriele Rico
Writing to Awaken. A Journey of Truth, Transformation and Self-Discovery – Mark Matousek
Your Life as Story. Discovering the “New Autobiography” and Writing Memoir as Literature – Tristine Rainer

Self-Inquiry & Beyond

A New Earth. Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose – Eckhart Tolle
Anam Cara. A Book of Celtic Wisdom – John O’Donohue
Betrayal, Trust, and Forgiveness. A Guide to Emotional Healing and Self-Renewal – Beth Hedva
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One – Joe Dispenza
Change Your Story, Change Your Life. Using Shamanic and Jungian Tools to Achieve Personal Transformation – Carl Greer
Embracing Our Selves. The Voice Dialogue Manual – Hal and Sidra Stone
Healing Our Deepest Wounds: The Holotropic Paradigm Shift – Stanislav Grof
How to Befriend Your Shadow. Welcoming Your Unloved Side – John Monbourquette
In Touch. How to Tune In to the Inner Guidance of Your Body and Trust Yourself – John J. Prendergast
Inner Work. Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal Growth – Robert A. Johnson
It Didn’t Start with You. How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and how to End the Cycle – Mark Wolynn
Jung and Shamanism in Dialogue – C. Michael Smith
Jung on Active Imagination – ed. Joan Chodorow
Jung’s Maps of the Soul – Murray Stein
Knowing Your Shadow. Becoming Intimate with All That You Are – Robert Augustus Masters (CD)
Living Your Unlived Life. Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the Second Half of Life – Robert A. Johnson, Jerry M. Ruhl
Meeting the Shadow. The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature – ed. Connie Zweig & Jeremiah Abrams
The New Science of Personal Transformation – Daniel J. Siegel
Mirrors of the Self. Archetypal Images That Shape Your Life – ed. Christine Downing
Radical Acceptance. Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha – Tara Brach
Shadow Dance. Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side – David Richo
Spiritual Bypassing. When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters – Robert Augustus Masters
The Highly Sensitive Person. How to Thrive when the World Overwhelms You – Elaine N. Aron
The Places that Scare You. A guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times – Pema Chodron
The Power of Focusing. A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing – Ann Weiser Cornell
The Power of Now. A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment – Eckhart Tolle
The Sacred and the Profane: The Nature of Religion – Mircea Eliade
The Tao of Psychology. Synchronicity and the Self – Jen Shinoda Bolen
The Varieties of Religious Experience: A Study in Human Nature – William James
Women Who Run with the Wolves. Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

About Sylvia Barnowski

Sylvia Barnowski MSW, RSW is a mixed-media artist, a social worker trained in Expressive Arts Therapy, an embodied awareness facilitator, a life coach, and a shamanic practitioner. Sylvia currently works part time as a social worker in a busy hospital Emergency Department where she provides counselling, support and resources to patients and their families going through difficult times in their lives. When not at work Sylvia spends her time on creating, reading, and developing creative and personal growth classes and workshops. She lives in Cochrane, Alberta with her husband, two wonderful children and a cat named Silver. You can connect with Sylvia on Instagram or by visiting her website, Maps to Self.

Photographs and artwork by Sylvia Barnowski and used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

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creativity inspiration & influence

Writing retreat in Hoi An review + photo essay – seeing with fresh eyes

October 31, 2018

You are permitting a return to yourself, and and in that return you will begin to see yourself and your life with fresh eyes. For that return is a foretaste of the inner place of retreat which in truth is never far away – after all, it is none other than who you are.

Roger Housden, Retreat: Time Apart for Silence and Solitude

Recently, I went on a writing retreat in Hoi An, Vietnam led by my friend Kerstin Pilz. Here is a review and photo essay of my experience and learning.

One thing I decided I would do this year is take myself away on a writing retreat. After a tough past year, a time of nourishing my creative self via a writing retreat sounded delicious. Shortly afterwards, my friend Kerstin Pilz of Write Your Journey (who has written her wholehearted story here on Quiet Writing!) announced a writing retreat in her home base of Hoi An, Vietnam in September this year.

I’ve always wanted to go to Vietnam and Hoi An in particular. Kerstin’s retreat included a focus on yoga as well as writing which was very inviting. In all it featured: writing, yoga, exploring Hoi An, beautiful boutique accommodation, sound bowl meditation and generally activating the jaded senses in a fresh environment. And all at a very reasonable price for so much valued input. That was all a big tick for me in every way for this writing retreat. So before long, I signed up for the retreat and eagerly awaited September.

Eventually I headed off on 7 September to Hoi An for a blissful week. Here is my story of my yoga and writing retreat week. In summary, if you are thinking of a writing retreat, I wholeheartedly recommend it, and especially Kerstin’s retreats, for seeing with fresh eyes. Absolutely do it – you will love the self-care, stimulation, reflection and perspective it provides. For further detail read on! Photographs are by Nigel Rowles, Kerstin Pilz and me, and others – all credits are noted with thanks at the bottom of this post.

Writing retreat

I’ve written for years, been to many writing workshops, created and been part of writing groups. But I’d never been on a writing retreat. The thought of going away for a week to focus on writing was such an exciting on! I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was open to whatever came. From my shift to a new life as a life coach, I knew approaching the retreat with a beginner’s mind was essential. So that’s what I went with. I took along the finished 84K first draft of my Wholehearted book, as much as a talisman as anything. Most of all, I knew I had a week to focus on writing and that was enough for me.

The writing experience on the retreat prompted us to hone in on our unique voice. With three of us at the retreat, we enjoyed close attention and a strong sense of connection. Writing sessions focused on a theme such as beginner’s mind (appropriate!), writing for the senses, storytelling, memoir and crafting a personal creative manifesto. We worked with various types of prompts such as physical objects and photo prompts.

It was so valuable for me to work with themes, prompts and exercises to dust off and access my voice. I have written in different ways as I’ve started a new business, drafted a non-fiction book and blogged on various platforms. But most of this writing started with my own motivations. It was valuable for someone else to provide the context, perspective, prompts and ideas to help access my voice and deeper stories.

Writing with others

Writing with a group, all of us different in our writing interests and motivations, was so powerful. I usually write alone so stepping outside of my comfort zone to write with others was another way of getting back to my voice with support and encouragement. Kerstin is a highly experienced writer, writing teacher and blogger as well as a university lecturer by background. She was adept at crafting a gentle writing curriculum experience that opened us up to our voice and skill. Moreover, Kerstin wrote alongside us and shared her words as well which I so valued.

We laughed and cried at different times and always marvelled at what could come forth in ten short minutes. It was a long time (years!) since I’ve read my own words out aloud. This in itself was so powerful. You forget the power of hearing your own voice. With the influence of the environment of Hoi An with all its colour and freshness weaving into our days alongside our writing, we refreshed our purpose, craft and voice from multiple perspectives.

Yoga, sound bowl meditation and other treats

Having yoga and other healing practices alongside writing for the retreat was brilliant, each piece illuminating the other dimensions. Kerstin is an experienced yoga teacher, and partner, Nigel Rowles, is a professional musician and sound bowl master. All these skills combined to craft a writing retreat with practice and mindfulness as a central component. The unifying theme was practice – writing practice, yoga practice and other practices to help us still the mind and cultivate positive habits.

Our yoga studio was a purpose-built platform over the water in a secluded setting. Local yoga teacher, Victoria Nhan, led practices including early morning yoga sessions in a quiet and flexible way. Skilled in her teaching to meet the various needs of the group, Victoria reminded us to smile as we practised and to see our thoughts coming and going “like clouds in the sky”, reflecting the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. We also enjoyed a morning session of Qi Gong with Victoria at An Bang Beach.

Kerstin also led yoga sessions and provided meditation leadership. Nigel provided sound bowl music as a soundtrack and key element of our meditation practice. Sound bowl music was something I had never experienced first-hand and I loved it. The sound hangs in the air and goes through your body as it resonates. An individual hour-long sound bowl meditation with Nigel was included and involved the placing of sound bowls around us and on our body. It was the deepest of relaxation experiences. That night I slept like I hadn’t slept for a long time. A reiki session with Victoria was an extra option I took up. This was a deeply healing practice at the end of the retreat which helped to integrate the week.

Beautiful surrounds to calm, inspire and delight

Hoi An was all I had imagined and more and we were blessed to be staying in the most charming quiet location. Our hosts at An Villa, our home for the week, went out of their way to make us feel at home and relaxed. Every need was met including excellent fresh food (most meals were included in the retreat package), stunning comfortable rooms, a beautiful pool, an open-air yoga studio and the best attention by all the staff. We felt like part of the An Villa family.

Phuong from An Villa in particular supported us, acting as tour guide when we visited the Ancient Town of Hoi An, travelling by boat first and then walking at night through the busy lantern-filled streets. She led us for a tour of the local markets where we purchased food for a cooking class led by An Villa staff. Walking through rice paddies to arrive at the market, the colours, sights and smells of fresh fruit, vegetables, meat and fish met us and surrounded us as we wandered through. We selected our produce and headed back to learn about Vietnamese cuisine by preparing our own lunch. With our senses truly activated, we channelled these experiences into our writing.

A well-balanced and integrated itinerary and journey

Kerstin arranged a well-balanced itinerary and journey through the week. The yoga and writing complemented each other perfectly as we attended to both practices. We spent our time between the quiet solitude of An Villa and trips out and around. This included visits to the World Heritage listed ancient town of Hoi An, to a live performance of cultural theatre and music, to specially selected restaurants and to An Bang Beach for sunrise.

It felt so special to be treated to the delights of Hoi An by locals, with Kerstin, Nigel and Phuong accompanying us and showing us around. This meant we could truly relax and soak in the atmosphere, feeling safe and supported. You could just be in the moment exploring and absorbing, like everything was a part of the practice of craft and retreat.

Whether it was Qi Gong on An Bang Beach, a drink at the Market Bar at sunset, shopping in the lantern-lit ancient town, dinner at Chips and Fish, indulging in healing practices or writing by the pool or beside the beach, everything was so refreshing and integrated. Each day brought new pleasures to reflect on and enjoy: the taste of fresh produce carefully chosen and blended together; brilliant colours symbolised by lanterns everywhere; incense wafting in the streets to celebrate the New Moon; the crashing of waves rising to meet the sun; and Vietnamese performers flexing in powerful routines against a backdrop of resounding drums giving us a fresh take on tradition.

My learnings

My learning from this week are many and enduring including:

Writing exercises are useful tools to free up your writing, get in touch with your voice, create new content and move in new directions.
It’s revitalising to read your writing aloud and hear it in the company of others compassionately witnessing your work.
Indulge the senses and engage in new experiences to reinvigorate yourself and your writing. Hoi An is the perfect place for this.
The art of practice, whether it’s writing, yoga or anything else, is important to weave into our days. Each practice complements the others.
Fresh food is so much better than what we often find in supermarkets. Shopping in the local market and the meals at An Villa were a reminder to get back to basics. Since returning, I’ve sought out markets with fresher produce that tastes better and lasts longer.
Retreats can be intense. It was an emotional time but that intensity was important for moving through and on with self-care, craft and practice. Significant blocks were worked through, some I’m sure I am not even aware of still!
Occasionally I wanted for more introvert time for integrating everything, but I learnt there was enough of this time. The value of the retreat was in the multiplicity of experiences and interactions. There was opportunity for integrating on the way through and on the return home. Learning to manage my introvert in all of this was a valuable experience.

“Seeing with fresh eyes” sums up the feeling of the week. Whether it was looking at my writing practice, working out how to weave yoga into my days, eating better food, connecting with writing community, dealing with my introversion or enjoying new sights and sounds, it was all about that return to self and seeing afresh.

Special mentions

With all of this, it’s hard to single out the highlights. But if I think about where the experience and practice left a lasting impact, here’s a list of special mentions:

My fellow retreat participants – Heidi and Flora – were such a joy to be with. Spanning different generations, experiences, countries and cultures, we bonded deeply and laughed and cried together. Sharing my writing and story with these two special women and with Kerstin was a profound experience. I felt held and witnessed, just as I held space and witnessed their work. For this, I am very grateful.
Victoria Nhan is a skilled and healing yoga and Qi Gong teacher and Reiki practitioner. I connected deeply with her teaching and the Reiki session we enjoyed together integrated healing energy which I take forward.
All the staff at An Villa and especially Phuong and Le for all their attentions, making us feel so at home and welcome. The food was simply outstanding and another aspect of the “fresh” experience. I can’t wait to go back to An Villa for another stay. Fabulous choice, Kerstin!
Nigel Rowles for his work with the sound bowl music and meditations – such a special healing treat; for his photography that captured the highlights and moments and was generously shared with us; and for hosting us with Kerstin in so many ways over the week.

And finally to Kerstin, creator, architect, event manager, organiser, teacher, writer, tour guide, facilitator, photographer and friend. So many hats worn with such aplomb, generosity and deep commitment to us all. Thanks for sharing the joys of your hometown, your healing writing craft and yoga and meditation practices with us all. I am truly grateful for everything you created and shared with us.

Seeing with fresh eyes

On Kerstin’s website, she says:

I’m here to make you become best buddies with your inner writer, teach it to speak in your authentic voice and send you on a journey of discovery together.

And that was this writing retreat week was like, an intense and transformative journey of voice and discovery. If you have the opportunity to share in a writing retreat with Kerstin, do take it up. It’s a life-changing experience in so many dimensions, one that I am still unravelling and learning. It will certainly help you see life and yourself with fresh eyes. And in the meantime, visit Write Your Journey and connect with Kerstin and all her rich offerings and inspiration.

Photographic credits

We were blessed with excellent photographers for this retreat in Nigel and Kerstin helping us to capture the moments. I blend these images with my own in this photo-essay. The individual photographs are credited as follows, with photographs from others used with permission and thanks:

Feature image – hand writing + The Writing Life – Nigel Rowles
Hands writing – Nigel Rowles
Flowers on the yoga deck – Terri Connellan
Writing at An Villa – Nigel Rowles
Heliconia by my villa entry – Terri Connellan
Lanterns in Hoi An ancient town – Terri Connellan
Our yoga pavilion studio over the water – Nigel Rowles
Yoga practice – Nigel Rowles
An Bang Beach sunrise – Terri Connellan
Qi Gong on An Bang Beach – Nigel Rowles
My villa home for the week at An Villa – Terri Connellan
The garden and pool view at An Villa – Terri Connellan
Cruising on the river into ancient town – Nigel Rowles
Shopping at the local markets – Terri Connellan
Ingredients, cooking class at An Villa – Terri Connellan
Braised eggplant in claypot in preparation – Kerstin Pilz
Rice fields on the way to the markets – Terri Connellan
Local scene from a writing session at Anantara Hoi An resort – Terri Connellan
Afternoon tea and writing session at Anantara Hoi An resort – Anantara staff
Writing retreat buddies – Kerstin Pilz
Nigel Rowles – Kerstin Pilz
Kerstin and I at An Villa – Le, staff member An Villa
Retreat participants in yoga pose with Victoria Nhan – Nigel Rowles
Kerstin Pilz – Nigel Rowles

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Life Coaching – making meaning in times of transition

October 19, 2018

Light precedes every transition. Whether at the end of a tunnel, through a crack in the door or the flash of an idea, it is always there, heralding a new beginning.

Teresa Tsalaky

I’m offering a limited number of life coaching opportunities now! Work on creativity and self-leadership to make your dreams and plans come true.

As a Certified Life Coach with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy and with Certification in Personality Type assessment, I can help you negotiate major transition times. Whatever the change that is happening or that you desire to manifest, we all need support through challenging times. And life coaching is such a valuable investment to support you in major change and transition goals.

I focus on creativity and self-leadership in my life coaching. The women I work with have often put their creative needs and goals aside for others. Or they are working in job roles that are more like a ‘shadow career’, as Steven Pressfield describes it in Turning Pro, rather than the real thing. If you feel like you need support to get back to what you truly desire to be and do in life, I’d love to work with you.

Here’s my story of what I learnt on my transition journey to self-leadership and my creative life goals. And more on how I can support you to make meaning in times of transition to your life desires via life coaching.

Negotiating major life transitions

Working with life coaches has been a key support helping me to make meaning all the way along my two year transition journey. Even with all the experience I had as a teacher and leader in the adult vocational education sector, I needed support. We all do, especially when trying to make major change. It’s all about our identity; that’s why it’s such hard and vulnerable work. We define ourselves via certain roles in life – mother, partner, teacher, employee, leader, writer, daughter, wife. When in major life transition, we often need to look at these defining roles, reshape them and embody them and new ones new ways.

We can feel quite lost at times. In the two years of my transition journey, I have been through some major identity shifts. I worked for an organisation that was the centre of my life for over 30 years. But I knew I had to leave it and get back to my creative desires in life. Then the organisation deleted my job making me redundant anyway so it wasn’t a matter of choice. This was all very painful even if change was what I wanted.

My mother was diagnosed with incurable metastatic breast cancer just as I was embarking on my transition. I spent the majority of my time with my mum supporting her as she faced challenging health and end of life. That was beyond painful. A true journey of love, I learnt so much from my beautiful mother at this most tender of life stages.

Working with life coaches to support us

Through this time, I worked with a series of life coaches as I also became a coach and negotiated these challenges and this major shift in identity.

The first coach helped me with the first very raw part of the journey as I realised I had to make major change. We put steps in place for the broad brush of the transition – shifting to part-time work and making space for change.

A second life coach helped me as we both went on our journey of becoming a life coach. We supported each other on our life coaching and life journey and still do.

And another life coach helped me with making sure my writing was balanced with life coaching as I defined the parameters of my new life in challenging circumstances. There were many other valued life coaching supporters along the way in many shapes and forms.

How can life coaching support you?

Life coaching can be an incredible support as we move through times of change and make a path to the goals in our heart. Especially those long-term goals we have held very close and perhaps put aside.

It’s true that light precedes transition. It might be the light of our ideas, the creative future, the vision of what we want our life to look like. We have a sense of that new beginning to guide us but sometimes we need support as we shape it into reality. A life coach can act as that guiding hand to support us as we bring the light into play in a more grounded way.

Life coaching and the support and community of coaches is simply part of how I make meaning in life now. It’s especially powerful at times of major transition like experiencing redundancy, not wanting to stay where you are, wanting to start a new business around your passions or seeking more creative life options. It is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength to seek support and company as we reshape our identity and structure more self-leadership into our lives.

What is life coaching?

Life coaching provides a goal oriented framework to help you achieve what you want in life. It draws from a variety of disciplines including psychology, sociology, personal development and social development. Life coaching helps you move from where you are to where you want to be through supported and guided goal-setting and action. Importantly, it’s not the same as therapy or counselling; it’s more future focused and action focused.

People who choose to work with life coaches come from a range of backgrounds and work on goals as diverse as:

making a positive career transition to a more fulfilling job or way of working
driving creative projects such as writing a book or starting a blog
becoming healthier, fitter and stronger
having positive and meaningful relationships
improving self-confidence and self-belief
creating energising and nourishing self-care routines
living an inspired and balanced life.

Life coaching can take place in person or via technology such as over the phone or via Skype or Zoom. It can take place with individuals, in groups or in workplaces.

What do I bring to coaching and where do I focus?

In the journey to become a life coach, you create a focus that reflects your uniqueness and the rich blend of what you have to offer. No two life coaches are the same!

I focus on creativity and self-leadership coaching and I bring to that: extensive experience in adult and vocational education; certification in personality type assessment; and a passion for creativity, writing and books that drives everything I do. Supporting women seeking meaning and identity through major life transitions such as I have experienced is a key priority.

With my background in leadership and creativity, I am interested in how coaching can be a form of self-leadership. Just as we can lead others and take the lead in situations, the most important form of orchestrating leadership is how we take ourselves forward and bring the pieces of our lives together. I believe everyone can shine in their own way. We just need to find the threads that pull our unique story together.

I’m keen to support you also on your journey to work on goals that bring more heart to what you do and want to do. My coaching and writing work at Quiet Writing will support you to bring the threads together to actively create your story and shine.

So how about you?

So if any of these thoughts and experiences about creativity and career, about self-leadership and feeling more wholehearted, about doing the work, are resonating with you, I’d love to work with you.

I especially work with women who:

want to be more wholehearted about the work they do or the life they lead; by this I mean, feeling more whole – like all of your important and valued parts are in play and activated, not left at the door or buried somewhere;
are trying to find their unique voice and space in their career and creative world;
have skills and experience – a body of work – they wish to take as a foundation and recast into a new vision and path;
are keen to get moving on creative projects like writing a book, getting a blog or website out into the world with their unique voice or want to craft a new creative life or business; or
want to take the steps to create the life they want and to succeed and shine.

I’d love to have a chat with you if you’d like to feel more satisfied with your life and make more informed choices about how to be creative and make a living. Or if you’re keen on getting your creative projects moving and are trying to work out how to combine creativity and career more effectively. These are areas I care so much about and can support you in.

Life Coaching with me – consult + life coaching series

Here are the Life Coaching options and offerings available to help you make meaning in times of transition.

A free initial consult

If you are considering a life coaching series or combination of options, the best place to start is a free 30-45 minute consultation chat on where you are and where you want to go. This helps to see if we are a good fit and to begin to identify key goals and possible actions.

You can go direct to this link to book a time for your free consult chat via Zoom video-conferencing. You will be asked to fill in a pre-consult questionnaire so I can learn more about you and your needs in advance of our conversation together.

Create Your Story Coaching Series

With six-sessions over three months, this coaching series helps you identify where you want to be and how to get there. In very practical goal and action-oriented stages, we move one step at a time with wholehearted, grounded support. As always with life coaching, you let me know where you want to focus! It’s your story. I’m there to guide you to help you create your story – the one you desire so deeply.

The investment in your future for this life-changing series is $330AU(around $235US) per month for 3 months. This is payable in advance each month.

Life Coaching with me – other options + offerings

There are other life coaching options and offerings available too. These options don’t need the up-front coaching consult as we get straight into the program! Just contact me via terri@quietwriting.com in the first instance. After an email chat, we might find the free consult chat is a good place to start if you want to combine options or are not sure where to start.

Personality Stories Coaching Package

Understand your personality and psychological type preferences as a tool for self-leadership! This package includes a personality type assessment, a Jung/Myers-Briggs personality based e-course which includes an introduction to work by Carl Jung, Isabel Myers-Briggs and Katherine Myers. You will also go through identifying your best-fit type through assessment of your type, understanding your strengths and weaknesses, knowing your preferred cognitive functions and less preferred functions.

As a life coach certified in Psychological Type assessment, I take you on a deep-dive journey that will change your self-understanding and potentially, your life. I know, because it radically changed mine! You can read more here on that journey.

The Personality Stories package includes:

Personality assessment online: Complete the Majors Personality Type Inventory (Majors PTI™) online assessment. This helps you begin to identify your Jung/Myers-Briggs personality type.
Self-paced online course on personality type: An online course (about 3 hours to complete) on Personality Type so you can understand type and your preferences.
A copy of the book You’ve Got Personality by Mary McGuiness, sent to you wherever you are in the world.
Coaching debrief to work through your results: A 90 minute 1:1 face to face coaching session via Zoom to debrief your results and learning from the ecourse. You receive your Majors Personality Type assessment report in this session. We check whether your assessment result is your best-fit Type through discussing your results and preferences. We work through any questions and set inspiring goals and actions to take this knowledge forward in your life.
Quiet Writing summary: Once your best-fit personality type is identified via theh debrief, you receive a Quiet Writing summary of your type preferences. This includes key points about your personality preferences, further reading, tarot connections, tips for managing stress and how to shine your personal entrepreneurial style in your life. There are also journal prompts to work further with what the learning brings up for you.
Email support for 2 weeks after to follow up on any questions and learnings.

The investment for this package is $350AU (around $250US) as a special ‘first release’ price. Let me know via email terri@quietwriting.com if you are interested in being included in the first limited enrolment.

I’m also preparing an exciting group coaching offering in Sydney that covers similar territory. Learning about personality type with others in a group setting can be so much fun. Email me to be the first to know of this program!

Pathfinding one-off Coaching Session

This package aims to help work your way through specific options such as study, courses, becoming a coach or blending your passions into a new business. If you are interested in coaching – either becoming a coach or exploring other specific options, then a pathfinding coaching session might work for you. This involves a brief pre-coaching questionnaire, a 90 minute chat via videoconference or teleconference to explore potential path options where I can share my experiences with you, email access to me for 2 weeks after, book recommendations/links and customised resources to guide your path (as required). It is targeted to solve specific life path dilemmas.

Cost = $250AU (around $180US)

Certified Coach for Life Coaches in training

Just a reminder too for life coaches in training that as a Certified Life Coach with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy, I can help you with your own pathway towards certification as a life coach with the Academy. A six session coaching series with me can count towards your own certification pathway as well.

I can especially help you with:

writing + creativity – like getting your book draft done, working on blogging, developing a writing practice, having a more creatively inspired life;
enhanced self-leadership for a more wholehearted life – whatever that looks like for you;
personality type assessment combined with your coaching series to understand your personality strengths as a coach, entrepreneur and creative.

Praise and where to contact me:

If you’d life to read what others have said from working with me, you can read more about their experiences here.

You can read more about working with me here.

Please contact me:

via email: terri@quietwriting.com
or via direct message on social media – via Facebook or Instagram if we are already connected

In practical terms, I’m in Australia but you can be anywhere in the world. We would work via the technology based service Zoom for our sessions. You don’t need any special software or setup!

I would love to work with you now or into the future in Quiet Writing Coaching!

Please feel free to share with anyone who you think might benefit from this opportunity. Download this quote and image to put in front of you or save it to Pinterest!

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Light precedes every transition. Whether at the end of a tunnel, through a crack in the door or the flash of an idea, it is always there, heralding a new beginning.

Teresa Tsalaky

Negotiating major life transitions

Working with life coaches to support us

How can life coaching support you?

What is life coaching?

What do I bring to coaching and where do I focus?