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Joy in travel and seeing new landscapes – a photo essay

January 3, 2019

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.

Henry David Thoreau

Joy and travel align so beautifully! This post explores how the joy of travel and new landscapes helped refresh my senses and provide new perspectives.

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy was my Word of the Year for 2018. I’m reflecting on my experience of JOY last year in a series of posts here as a way of rounding off the year and stepping into 2019.

I’ve realised that each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

alongside deep grief
and resilience in challenging times
in travel and being away from home (this post)
in creative work and my calling (to come soon)

I hope you find these reflections valuable for your own journeys with joy, grief, resilience, creativity, travel and wholehearted self-leadership. And I look forward to your thoughts and experiences too on these issues and feelings.

Finding joy in travel

It’s pretty well nearly always joyful to set off on an anticipated overseas trip. But this one was so long in coming, it felt extra joyful.

We were just about to go overseas when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and so of course, we cancelled that holiday. In all, we cancelled six holidays over 18 months as we dealt with the challenges of late 2016 into early 2018 and focused on supporting loved family members.

Finally in the second half of the year, we set off overseas for a trip to Europe and the UK. We travelled first to Singapore and that evening after arriving, we sat in our favourite hotel with a drink relaxing and I felt quiet tears of joy.

It meant things were okay and settled down now. It was a desperately needed change of scenery, an opportunity to relax and see new places, and fulfil a dream of going on a river cruise down the Rhine. We also planned to visit towns in Germany where my ancestors departed from to travel to Australia, to catch up with online friends I hadn’t met in person, and to connect again with family and friends overseas. It was the most joyful of times.

Joy and travel revisited

Just as absence makes the heart grow fonder, so the inability to travel made me yearn for new landscapes. Until I could travel again, I would follow other’s journeys with such wanderlust, eager to also embrace travel as we had planned for this time of our life. This whole experience helped me to take nothing for granted. After the challenges of the previous months, I immersed myself in every new place and experience so in the moment.

In Singapore, we love the orchids and visited the National Orchid Gardens and the Gardens by the Bay as well as the zoo. We indulged our senses in every way in the humidity of Singapore, surrounded by flowers and animals. It was so refreshing for my jaded sensibilities.

We then headed to Frankfurt as a base for exploring Germany and connecting with ancestral places. I caught up with my friend Kerstin Pilz of Write Your Journey. First connecting online, we had met face to face in my village in February in 2018, then found out we were both flying into Frankfurt, from Vietnam and Australia, within the same 24 hour period. What synchronicity! It was such a joy to connect and have lunch in the Römerberg Square in Kerstin’s home-town. Catching face to face with online friends was a special feature of this journey creating such treasured moments I cherish.

Joy, travel and family history

A key driving factor in our holiday planning was heading to see the places in Germany where my ancestors left from to travel to Australia. Much of my family is from England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, but my paternal grandmother’s grandparents came from Germany. So I was so very keen to see the places they lived in and where they once walked and lived.

We visited Würzburg, Wertheim and Eichel on the outskirts of Wertheim where they lived. I went to the church where my great, great, great grandfather Johann (Jakob) Leonhard Roos was baptised in 1826. My ancestors were vineyard workers in this region of Germany and then came to work on Henry John Lindeman’s vineyards in the Hunter Valley, north of Sydney. I could feel their ancestral presence everywhere in this region of Germany and felt so much at home.

The joy of river cruising

The central part of our trip was a river cruise from Amsterdam to Basel. We’d never been on a cruise of any kind and thought a river cruise would be the best way to commence our cruising experience.

It was sublime. From the moment we stepped on, we enjoyed every moment. A combination of the pleasures of onboard experiences with onshore excursions made for such a pleasurable journey. Once you are aboard, you unpack your bag and just kick back for the week and watch the world go by.

We had also never engaged with more organised travel with a structured itinerary and tour guides. Again, we enjoyed this as it meant we didn’t have to navigate and could learn from guides with local knowledge. You could choose to opt out of onshore excursions and stay on the boat often cruising to the next stop. This was an occasional introverted treat when all the interaction and input got too much.

Travelling by river means seeing so much you cannot see any other way. A highlight was the mid Rhine River lined with castles and vineyards, the Lorelei a central feature we snaked through. We sat atop the vessel as we wove our way through, seeing castle and after castle and wondering how such immense structures were able to be built.

We visited cities and towns along the length of the Rhine River, hearing of their history and traditions. A broad-brush approach perhaps but a fabulous way to get a sense of place and identify where we to return to with more time to explore. We especially loved Colmar, Strasbourg, Rüdesheim, Cologne and Koblenz. A visit to the underground Maginot Line in France near the German border was an incredible insight into the lengths taken to defend against the potential reoccurrence of conflict after World War I. Our hosts went to every length to make sure each port provided opportunities to taste the unique flavour and history of each place we visited.

And then to Vietnam

Shortly after we returned home, I headed off for a solo trip to Hoi An, Vietnam for a yoga and writing retreat with Kerstin Pilz. It was my first solo trip overseas at 57 which caused much mirth in our family. But it was truly great to set off alone for a week of writing and yoga in beautiful Hoi An, a place I’d long wanted to visit. Having my trusted friend Kerstin, a local Hoi An resident, leading and shaping the retreat meant I felt well looked after and knew my needs would be supported.

They were supported and so much more. I’ve written a full review of the retreat here. Following on from time away in Europe and the UK, it was all about seeing with fresh eyes in every respect. The week was pivotal in getting back to both yoga and writing practices after my time away. I made enduring friendships and my senses were refreshed and revitalised, bringing a deep joy after an at times challenging year.

Having stretched both my writing and yoga muscles and revitalised my senses in every way, the scene was set for the last quarter of the year and experiencing joy in my calling and new work in the world.

Photo by Nigel Rowles

Find Your Word process + tools

First though, some information on the process and tools that can help you. If you have never worked on a Word of the Year, it’s a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. For the first few years, I found I was writing the same goals each year and not achieving them. This was mostly about writing books and making space for creativity in my life. Each year was swallowed up by work and my creative goals kept getting lost.

In 2016, I started doing things differently. I began to make my transition. Now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your word for the year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.

You might also enjoy:

Joy and resilience in challenging times

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside deep grief

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Writing retreat in Hoi An review + photo essay – seeing with fresh eyes

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence transcending

Joy and resilience in challenging times

December 27, 2018

For a wise woman once

told Her that Her tears

were the most

healing waters of them all

Rise Sister Rise – Rebecca Campbell

Can joy be part of resilience in challenging times? This post explores how developing resilience and a kind of joy in small moments can help us through the most difficult times.

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy is my Word of the Year for 2018. I’m reflecting on my experience of JOY this past year in a series of posts here.

I’ve realised that each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

alongside deep grief
and resilience in challenging times (this post)
in travel and being away from home (to come soon)
in creative work and my calling (to come soon)

I hope you find these reflections valuable for your own journeys with joy, grief, resilience, creativity and wholehearted self-leadership. And I look forward to your thoughts and experiences too on these issues and feelings.

Joy and resilience in challenging times

In the second quarter of the year, we faced extreme challenges as a family. Circumstances that took us all into unfamiliar territory. Again and on the back of the first quarter’s experiences, I had to work out where any sense of joy and optimism sat alongside all of this.

A book helped me immensely at this time: Rick Hanson’s Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakeable Core of Calm, Strength and Happiness. Practical, positive and based in neuroscience, this book focuses on 12 hard-wired inner strengths and how to cultivate them.

I read this book as an audiobook while driving and also an ebook when at home, dipping into its wisdom whenever I could. A toolkit of psychological resources and strategies, it helped me realise the resources I already had for navigating this extreme time. It also provided simple but powerful tips for changing my mind-set as I dealt with significant pain and challenge.

Resilient practices and joy

The two practices prompted by reading ‘Resilient’ that helped me most were:

Honouring my psychological resources
Feeling the beauty of joy in small ways as well as feeling pain

Honouring my psychological resources

Having been through a fair amount of pain, challenge and loss in my life, I’ve built up psychological resources to be more resilient and strong. We all do this. Everything we go through teaches us if we are open to the lessons.

At times, I have had to dig deep and be reflective, talk to special friends and professionals. I’ve learnt when to spend time alone, when to practice self-care and how to balance my needs with others. Tough lessons all and with more challenges stretching me, I dug deep into my learning this year and I learnt more. I am much better at contacting people and talking when I need it now rather than battling on alone.

I sought help from a psychologist to check in on my well-being and psychological resources at this time. This was positive and encouraging as someone trained and objective listened to what was happening and how I was dealing with it.

She provided valued feedback that I was doing well at this challenging time considering all that had happened and was happening. This helped me feel more self-compassionate and self-confident even as I felt overwhelmed. Perhaps not a feeling of joy, but it certainly helped me immensely. I was ready for a series of sessions if need be. But I found for this time, one session and conversation was enough to feel stronger and self-reliant, drawing on my personal resources.

Feeling beauty in small everyday joys as well as feeling pain

A big learning this year has been that it is okay to feel the beauty and joy of everyday things even as we feel immense pain.

Rick Hanson reminds us we can take an approach of gratitude:

Thankfulness is not about minimizing or denying hassles, illness, loss, or injustice. It is simply about appreciating what is also true: such as flowers and sunlight, paper clips and fresh water, the kindness of others, easy access to knowledge and wisdom, and light at the flick of a switch.

This ability to acknowledge and feel concurrent truths helped so much. One helps to balance and provide grounding for the other. I have found special joy in swimming, reading, writing, tarot work, sitting in the sun, cups of tea, coffee and connection with special friends and family at this time. These simple acts were a blessing and wisdom that helped me move through so much.

Feeling all the feelings

Sometimes we just need to acknowledge and accept that things are terrible and dark and find the points of resilience and strength that will get us through. In this way, we can discover transcendent energies we can tap into. They fuel us and help us strengthen wholeheartedly for life.

As a person with INTJ Jung/Myers-Briggs® personality type preferences, feeling is something I have worked on over time to balance my natural tendency and strength for thinking and logic. I am much better at working with both the head and the heart now. Through this time I learnt to experience feelings more deeply – sadness, anger, exhaustion, helplessness, frustration, fear, worry, pain. There were plenty of feelings moving through me.

I’m more open to going through feelings as a process step to the next stage rather than going around them. Especially through my intuitive work with Amber Adrian over time and her writings on All the Feelings, I’ve learnt to lean in and really feel my feelings. Crying and physical expression of feelings were part of this too. Amber has reminded me to ask “What next?” with feelings. In this way, we can move on and through, clearing out and moving onto the next stage of what we are dealing with and our response.

Joy and resilience

So there wasn’t so much joy in this second quarter of the year. It certainly didn’t feel joyful and at times, it was just very dark. In response to my post on joy and grief on Instagram, Cheryl Haezebroeck aka @the_intrepid_goddess shared that:

I love how a word of the year is such a learning experience because not only is the Word featured but the shadow is there too for our awareness and healing.

This is true. We can’t expect it all to be our stereotypical version of a word. Nor can we expect it to be all sunshine and light just because we choose a positive word, as lovely as that would be.

The lessons are often deeper and more long-standing involving shadow work. As I learnt with joy and grief, understanding the ability to live with paradox in challenging circumstances made all the difference. I was able to carve out small spaces of the day to manage self-care and practice resilience as I dealt with the most extreme worry.

And in the smallest moments, joy found a place in my heart and kept me hopeful, optimistic and confident that I knew what to do. These moments sustained me and kept me strong as I drew deeply on my resources to care for both myself and loved ones.

Have you experienced something like this? How have joy and other positive practices helped you with being resilient? What have dark circumstances taught you about the paradox of joy and resilience? Share your thoughts in the comments or on social media – Facebook or Instagram.

Find Your Word process + tools

In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

You might also enjoy:

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside deep grief

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence love, loss & longing

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside grief

December 19, 2018

This post explores joy and grief: how I have been able to find joy alongside deep grief, the challenges and what it has it taught me.

When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior.

Danielle LaPorte

Joy and grief in 2018

Joy is my word of the year for 2018. I shared the beginning of my story of working with ‘joy’ here. It certainly wasn’t what I expected. Though I knew it was never going to be an easy or straightforward journey. Reflecting on this past year, I’ve found the journey of exploring joy falls into themes or stages around the quarters of the year of finding joy…

alongside deep grief
and resilience in challenge
in travel and being away from home
in creative work and my calling

This post explores finding joy alongside deep grief and how the two can co-exist. A focus of the first quarter of 2018, this theme and learning has continued through-out this year in different ways. It’s been an undercurrent that I continue to work with even now.

The challenge of choosing joy

Choosing joy as my word was always going to be full of challenge. The end of 2016 and all of 2017 were very challenging as I supported my beautiful mother after her diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer in September 2016. After a very tough year, my mother passed away on Christmas Day last year and her funeral was in the first week of 2018. So as you can imagine, joy was not a feature of life through that time.

But I chose the word joy because I wanted more of it in my life. It’s a word often associated with Christmas and that time highlighted just how far I felt from feeling joy. Even the concept of ‘enJOYing’ life in any way can seem challenging when you are caring for another with a terminal illness and then supporting them in the final stages of life. A friend described this time as an “agonising privilege” and it is this exactly. So putting in a claim for a year around joy in 2018 always felt somewhat audacious and optimistic. I wondered what it would bring.

Finding joy alongside deep grief

Balancing even the thought of joy with grief was hard in practice especially at the start of the year. I attended the Priestess Business Workshop, part of The Goddess Roadtrip led by Julie Parker and Sora Surya No in early January. It was the day before my mother’s funeral and being amongst powerful, supportive allies and female energy felt like the best place to be. The wonderful Jade McKenzie ran a session at the workshop on being seen and what we unapologetically wanted to be. We stood up one by one to say this and be witnessed by the room and women there.

The statement I wrote down, in line with my word of the year, was: “I am unapologetically joyful.” When it came to my turn to stand up, I just froze. I couldn’t get the words out. The tears came and the room, full of female coaches and healers of all kinds, was silent and encouraging. All the women there held powerful, silent space for me as I gathered my strength and dealt with the tsunami of emotions barrelling through me.

Eventually, through tears, I was able to say the words, “I am unapologetically joyful“. I felt immediately stronger claiming joy, if also very fragile. It demonstrated the enormous tension that lies in the juxtaposition of grief and joy. I began to have a deeper sense that day of how challenging this paradox of grief and joy might be.

It’s like we are drawn into a binary view of the world, not allowing ourselves to feel joy in any way when we are in deep sadness and pain. I realised finding joy, playfulness, fun, laughter and happiness again against a backdrop of deep grief was not going to be easy. But it felt central to this year’s journey.

The paradox of joy and grief

A big learning this year is that it’s okay to feel the joy of everyday things at the same time as we feel immense pain. We tend to make it an either/or, saying to ourselves either I feel grief or I feel joy. I cannot feel both. It can feel like a terrible tension and betrayal of our pain if we feel good in any way. And feeling joy or lighter feelings can somehow feel like a betrayal of a particular person and their memory. It as if we feel we need to stay in a certain emotional space to honour that person. In this, we can deny ourselves positive feelings and experiences that can help us move through the grief and loss. Over time, this can set in and become habitual and the mindset of how we live.

Danielle LaPorte in her book White Hot Truth has much to say about the wisdom of paradox and courage to change your beliefs. She deals with a number of paradoxes such as:

Lead with your heart and… Your head.

Be open-hearted and… Have clear, strong boundaries.

Trust and… Do the work.
From Rock Your Paradoxes

For me, joy and grief is a kind of paradox and polarity we can work with, one that does rock our beliefs but brings wisdom in its wake.

Difference between joy and happiness

Danielle has something to say about that too in her piece, The difference between joy and happiness. And why it helps to know.

Herein lies the heart of the matter. The key thing is it is not about a mutually exclusive choice between feeling grief or joy. It’s not about the more fleeting feelings of happiness either. Learning to navigate the paradox of feeling joy and grief at the same time is a journey of wisdom. It’s one I’ve spent much of the year on. Danielle’s piece provides powerful insights. Here are a few perspectives that distil my experiential learning about joy and grief:

Consciousness is not an either/or equation. It’s about bothness.
The capacity to expand into bothness — the awareness of your joy in all circumstances — is so much of what it means to evolve…

Happiness is like rising bubbles — delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen — ever present….

Joy is the fibre of your Soul….

This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that.
Danielle LaPorte

Lessons from joy and grief

So this year has been full of heart-felt lessons about joy and grief.

It’s been full of learning to live in paradox and seeing joy as a kind of oxygen. This learning set the tone of the first quarter of the year as I moved through the deep grief of losing my mother. As people who have been there will know, it’s a defining moment of your life. At the same time, I also experienced my job being deleted and becoming redundant in February. So there were layers of different kinds of grief I was working through all at the same time.

I learnt it was okay to feel joy – celebrating the joy of my mother’s beautiful life, the strength that lives on in me, my female ancestry and lineage, her loving kindness and knowing she was cheering me on as always as I moved into a new phase of life. All of these qualities and the simple pleasures of water, light, tea, sun, reading, swimming, friends and family helped me navigate much at this time.

Grief and joy can co-exist. By weaving one with the other, the passage through is deeply felt but somehow more sure-footed and grounded. Being able to smile and embrace the full gamut of emotions simultaneously is a wholehearted learning joy has taught me.

This first part of the year set the tone. It taught me that joy is often found in the smallest moments that we allow ourselves to feel even as we feel great sorrow. The light of joy can shine gently into the shadows of our sadness helping us find pockets of positive reflections to sustain us and move us forward.

I learnt more on this on the way through the year – and share further in the next posts to come.

Shared with much love and in memory of my mother, the most truly beautiful person, who taught me how to feel joy alongside deep grief in the most selfless of ways.

More information: Word of the Year resources

Working on a Word of the Year is a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

intuition wholehearted stories

When the inner voice calls, and calls again – my journey to wholehearted living

December 18, 2018

This guest post from Heidi Washburn explores the call to respond to the inner voice over time as a path to the deepest of wholehearted journeys.

This is the 14th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I am honoured to have my friend Heidi Washburn as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Heidi and I met in Hoi An, Vietnam at Kerstin Pilz’s writing and yoga retreat in September, 2018 and enjoyed a time of deep connection during that week. I invited Heidi to tell her wholehearted story here. Heidi reflects on a moment of career shift in her life when everything changed. She shares how the inner voice often calls again and again and listening to it is a practice that evolves through our lives. Read Heidi’s reflections on her journey of responding to calls from her inner voice in deeper ways, a journey that continues!

Sometimes life changes suddenly: discovering a secret, a hurricane, a birth or a death. Sometimes the change is more subtle, more gradual and instigated by internal signals. Those signals may manifest differently for each of us. The question is when and how do we listen? How do we respond? What challenges do we face once we admit a change is coming? What happens if we ignore the call?

Many times in my life I have pushed past my inner knowing, trying to fit into the accepted norm, frustrated that the norm didn’t feel right or I couldn’t seem to do it right. As hard as I tried I could not happily push past my instincts and join the crowd. It is only when I listen and respond that the whole of me is present and engaged. It is it something that I cannot always do on my own. This ride in wholehearted living requires a lot of support, a lot of losing and regaining momentum.

My life is an evolving ever-changing journey. This is about my major career shift in my mid-forties followed by recent reflections on a lifetime of learning to listen, respond and deepen.

Setting the scene

Let’s get some perspective. In the 80’s there was minimal internet. There were no smartphones, no blogs, no easily available GPS, no online support groups and we were just out of an era when corporations took care of their employees, often for life. Leaving a successful, lucrative career was an unusual move generating a lot of opinions and, dare I say, envy.

Let’s set the scene for the moment everything changed. One rainy fall night, I was driving home to Saugerties, New York from a late meeting in New Jersey, a good two and a half hours’ drive. Visibility was sparse and I had to strain to find my way out of the corporate complex in the dark, while squinting at the map on my lap. My eyes were heavy, it was a long day and I just wanted to get home.

I was ten years into my market research consulting business, I had back-up staff and my work was in demand. Hard work, constant traveling and late nights had paid off. Yet something was not right. I was losing touch with my family and friends because I was always out of town. The only love life I could fit in was an on-demand friend with benefits. I was having dizzy spells and anxiety attacks. My teenage daughter was home alone too many nights and I wasn’t on top of her struggles in life. My friends were making noises about an intervention for my “workaholic” problem.

What problem? I loved doing in-depth interviews, consolidating them into a meaningful story for my clients and giving advice in the boardroom. I found a way to be listened to in my profession if not in my personal life. My introverted self found a way to be out front as long as I had a role to play. The operative word here is ‘role’. More and more, it felt like a role that was not me. I was trying to stay in a shell that no longer fit or serviced me. At the same time, something deeper was emerging, but I was flying too high to notice.

The voice and the moment everything changed

Back to the rainy fall night. As I said, I just wanted to get home to my bed. As I pulled onto the familiar Garden State Parkway, the rain let up and I relaxed. Before I could turn on the radio for entertainment a voice in my head came on instead. A quiet, gentle but firm voice, not just a thought.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

What?

“I said! I don’t want to do this anymore.”

What do you mean? You have to. You just got the business where you want it. You have staff, an office and now you can do the more creative work. Isn’t that what you wanted?

That was the end of the conversation. Or so I thought.

After that night, after that very moment, everything changed but so quietly and slowly I hardly noticed. Of course, I was the one making the decisions. However, I didn’t know where I was going or what the path was. Deep change doesn’t come with a check-list or a schedule. And there is no guarantee that things will work out for the best.

Shifting to deeper awareness and action

First, I became aware that I pushed through the day without eating even though I constantly yearned for food. Why wasn’t I feeding myself? I went to a nutritionist weekly for three months to get better eating habits and basically learn to nurture myself.

I began bringing more and more things from my New York City apartment and office to my ‘weekend’ house in Saugerties. By the time I set up an office in the Saugerties basement, my NYC assistant asked: “Are you ever coming back?” And she got another job. She knew what was coming before I did.

I submerged myself in therapy and enrolled in singing lessons to open up my voice.

I wanted a more meaningful life and figured I should be able to find it in a couple of months. I was used to getting things under control.

Getting to know that inner voice

I had skills I enjoyed and that contributed to my success: creating a safe space for people to express themselves, drawing people out, deep listening, analyzing overall trends, presenting my ideas and writing. Maybe I would be a psychotherapist? I applied to two graduate schools in California, but before I heard from them my inner knowing led me another way. I started training in wholistic counseling, yoga and healthy lifestyle. I spent months at Kripalu, a yoga and meditation center. In between I still took on consulting projects to sustain my searching.

The inner voice grew stronger the more space and time I gave it. After chanting three days straight during a Kripalu one-month retreat, I sent out a prayer from a song by Linda Wooster: “Take these hands and turn them into light beams.” I still didn’t realize quite where I was going and how meaningful that prayer would be.

Finding my path as a somatic practitioner

I am a kinesthetic person. Formal psychology is too mental and structured for me. So, I went to massage school. Out of massage school I searched for a mind-body approach that worked for me. I was still taking occasional consulting jobs.

The months of transition turned into two years, reading, searching, training, experimenting, meditating, getting help from therapists, poking the fire for hours.

One day a massage therapist touched my head and moved my neck ever so slightly just for a couple of minutes. My whole body deeply let go. I felt safe, heard and known through her touch.

“What was that?!” I murmured through my bliss.

She told me it was Craniosacral Therapy. I wanted to do that work. I just knew it.

From there I began training in Craniosacral Therapy, a way to work with mind-body-emotions-spirit. I found my home but not yet a career. It took a couple of years before I had the confidence to practice. And to totally leave my business.

Meanwhile, I needed to live a simpler life and reduce expenses. I was happier, but much less affluent.

Clearing the way to live fully

On a sunny day in August, my beautiful Saugerties house was sold and I was moving one town over to a small two-bedroom rental in Woodstock, taking my cat and my new life with me. My old house was ready for its new owners, except for the bright red landline kitchen phone. Just as I was about to walk out the open front door for the last time, final items under my arm, the phone’s shrill ring echoed throughout the empty house. Even the answering service was disconnected, so I rushed back to answer it. An advertising company was calling me to see if I was available for a market research consulting job.

This will be a short call! Standing straight and with a clear voice I gave the answer for the first and last time.

“I don’t do that anymore.” That was it. I felt exhilarated.

I have been asked if I have ever regret leaving my consulting career. It was a good run and mostly I loved it. But I was learning that my sensitive system needed a gentler, more spacious environment. So, did I regret it? Not for a nanosecond. I have been asked, did I ever worry about making a living? Things get tight now and then and I do worry about a future when I can no longer work. The lifestyle I have chosen is short on long-term security. My practice goes up and down. I would like to create some kind of community living as I age, but as an introvert am not too skilled at groups. So, the future is uncertain. Yet, I would never change my decision. I chose to live fully instead of setting myself up for a less-than-wholehearted fate.

Reflections and new perspectives

I don’t really know what brings up that mysterious inner voice sending me one direction or another. Some people might call it guidance. All I know is that it is powerful when I listen. A year ago, I just knew I had to go to Vietnam, thinking it was about the war that impacted my generation and my life when my young husband went to fight. One step led to another and on a hot September day I arrived in Hoi An for Kerstin Pilz’s Write Your Journey Writing Retreat. At 75, I have reclaimed myself as a writer and reclaimed the story I need to tell. And another adventure begins.

My first draft of this piece included mention of my accountant for my consulting business. Stan would show up at my office and stare out the window as if he wanted to vaporize and pass though it.

“Oh,” he murmured, “how I would like to be a painter, but I have to work.”

Then, less than two years into our business relationship and in his mid-thirties, he had a heart attack and died. In my draft, I used this story to show how dangerous it is not to follow your heart, your dreams. But, I was being lofty, arrogant, and disrespectful to my accountant. It implied that we have control over our destiny if we just listen.

Meeting the unexpected with deeper insights

I put aside the first draft, let it sit for a while to see if it was really what I wanted to say. I thought a lot about listening to that inner voice. Asked friends how they knew when something is “right.” One looks for a sense of deepening and clarity, another a feeling in her gut and still another uses a pendulum. I learned that each person has their own unique way of listening. I thought I had the answer to controlling destiny. Tune into what is right for you and all will be revealed.

Then, I had a heart attack. It was mild as heart attacks go. It has a name: Takotsubo, also called Broken Heart Syndrome. Given my low blood pressure, lack of any artery blockage, perfect cholesterol, and lean body, the only explanation is stress. I meditate, eat a healthy diet, process emotions and enjoy my career as a craniosacral therapist. This shouldn’t happen to me. But it did.

My point is, who knows why my accountant had his heart attack. Or, maybe I didn’t have mine until I was 75 instead of 45 because at 45 I followed the calling to change my life. I am inspired to once again look deeply. How do I want to spend the remaining years? The inquiry is the path to aliveness. These days I am more and more excited about each day as I heal my broken heart.

What I have learned

I have learned:

that we can affect our quality of life in a big way, but not control it.
to embrace the precious qualities of being an empath and an introvert with creative talents and deep wisdom to share.
to step up my self-care, boundary setting and need for spaciousness to be present for the wonders and tragedies life throws my way.
to rest before I am exhausted.
to trust and be grateful for the amazing support system that comes to my aid when I am in trouble.
that I love to share through teaching and writing.
the sound of my inner voice when it calls.

And I am still learning.

Resources that have supported me

These are some resources that have supported me:

Hakomi: a Buddhist-centred wholistic counselling method

Psychosynthesis: a wholistic counselling method

Mindfulness/Insight meditation: Dharma.org has talks available for free

Upledger Institute: listings of craniosacral therapy practitioners around the world

Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy

Write Your Journey, Kerstin Pilz: upcoming meditation, yoga, writing retreat in Hoi An, Vietnam September 2019

Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

The Empath’s Survival Guide, Judith Orloff

About Heidi Washburn

Heidi Washburn is a craniosacral and massage therapist, writer, practitioner of gentle yoga and insight meditation, friend, sister, aunt, great aunt, mother and cat lover. She specializes in working with other empaths and INFPs who do best in
a spacious, safe, gentle and mindful environment. Heidi has been practicing
bodywork for over 25 years with advanced clinical training and certification in Hakomi, Psychosynthesis, Upledger Craniosacral Therapy and Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy. More recently, Heidi has joyously immersed herself in the sacred art of writing. She is working on a memoir about secrets and how the truth liberates the unexpected. You can connect with Heidi via her website or email at washburn.heidi@gmail.com

Photograph attribution as follows and used with permission and thanks:

Images 1, 2, 3, 9 – Terri Connellan
Images 4, 5, 7 – Heidi Washburn
Image 6 – Pexels.com
Image 8 – Nigel Rowles
Bio portrait: Amber Roniger Photography

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

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Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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coaching transition

Never too old – finding courage and skill to empower your dreams

November 19, 2018

Never too old + countering the “too old” story

It can be really easy to slip into thinking we are too old to start new things and step into the work of our dreams.

Whether it be writing that book you’ve always wanted to write, becoming a coach, being more visible on social media or getting back to exercise. We need to counter the “too old” story we can tell ourselves.

I’ve learnt that, apart from the most extreme circumstances, you are never too old to find the courage and skill to empower your dreams. I know because I’ve had to overcome many moments of feeling too old as I’ve worked on this journey to become a life coach, learn new skills, start a new business and write a book.

In this post, I share my experiences, resources and the stories of others to help you realise you are never too old to find the courage and skill to live your dreams.

Never too old to start over + become a coach

It’s a great honour to be featured in the inspired COACH Magazine with my piece Starting Over as a Life Coach at age 55. This tells my story of what it’s like to start over later in life as a life coach. I also provide some tips for others embarking on this or similar journeys. Having a beginner’s mind is one of the key messages I cover:

Retain a beginner’s mind, alongside your experience, to keep you grounded, humble, open and growing in wisdom.

My buddy coach, Jeanette Buchanan, is on the cover and I am so thrilled for her. We have been on this journey together as women in our mid 50’s supporting each other, constantly reminding ourselves that we are the perfect age for this journey. As we both share in different ways in our pieces, the myriad life and work experiences and skills we bring helps make us fantastic coaches. We can relate, we have often “been there” and we’ve built our skills along the way. Bringing our body of work to bear, and being positive and open, we are able to help others along the path of their dreams. Whether it’s becoming a life coach, writing a book or starting a business, we are living examples of how to live your change.

So read the Wisdom issue of inspired COACH Magazine. It’s a free subscription magazine available at this link. My friend Debbie Fowler is also there with a fabulous piece on The Wisdom of Older Coaches and Hosting Retreats. With pieces also by Melissa Jeffcott, Christine Rose Elle, Ellie Swift and Sas Petherick, it makes inspiring reading. But read on here too for my further thoughts on countering that “too old” thinking!

Never too old to be coached

You might also think you are too old to be coached. Gaining all that life wisdom and experience that getting older brings, there can be a tendency to think we don’t need support. Self-leadership is important and it’s an area I focus on in my coaching. But we can’t do it all ourselves. My learning is that life coaching is an integral support for making major change. Life transitions typically involve big changes in identity and coaching can help us navigate these tender times.

When I decided I needed to shift from my work role of 30 years, the very first thing I did, on day one, was reach out to my friend and coach Victoria Smith. Victoria coached me, via a coaching series over 3 months, through the very vulnerable first phases of this time. So yes, you feel vulnerable, you feel a bit foolish at times and you feel you should know how to do all this. But you also need to honour that it’s tough and deep work changing the way you’ve defined yourself for a long time.

Coaching is a critical bridge to tap into our inner wisdom at such times. We often can’t do it all ourselves, just as we discover at many challenging points in life. As I share in my story about life coaching and making meaning in times of transition, coaches have been critical supports on my journey. So don’t be proud. You can have a beginner’s mind and tons of experience. And together with coaching support, you can go a long way setting a robust and supportive framework for the long haul.

Never too old to learn new skills

Another mantra we can occasionally indulge in is that we are too old to learn new skills. I’m here to tell you from my experience of 30 plus years as an adult educator and life coach that you can learn new skills all through life. I’ve had to learn so many new skills along this journey: blogging, website and social media skills, how to set up a new business, writing a book, becoming a coach, Search Engine Optimisation. And I chose special skills as well such as the intuitive art of tarot and personality skills, becoming a Jung/Myers-Briggs personality practitioner.

Many of the women I’ve coached have embraced learning skills to set them up for a new life or extension of their current one. They’ve taken their body of work forward in new ways. As you can see on my testimonials page, women have taken up new courses like Masters in Creative Writing and coaching programs. They’ve tackled ‘imposter syndrome’ and developed intuitive skills, applied for higher level positions and set up foundations for new ways of working. They have also grappled with long-standing challenges like finding the right form of exercise and enjoying it! Others have explored social media and blogging and the right personal focus to be more active and productive. Gaining skills in each of these examples was a critical step in moving towards the vision for their life. Moreover, learning new skills is a fantastic way to keep your brain sharp and agile through-out life.

Never too old to start a business

Starting a new business or becoming an entrepreneur might seem like a job for the young too. But data provides some interesting findings about typical start-up founders:

For one thing, they were more likely to be in their late 30s and 38% of founders were actually over 40.

They also discovered that people who had stayed in a job for a long time were more likely to go on to start their own business.

There is encouragement for people like me who have had a 30 plus year career in one organisation or type of work:

Contrary to conventional wisdom, being ‘stuck’ in the same company or position for a long time, even a decade, does not diminish your likelihood of becoming a business founder,” says Ms Morrill.

Turns out the skills we have already developed in staying the course can also be applied to doing new things. Valuing your body of work over time as it evolves enables you to shape a new career or business. Learning new skills and bringing forward what you’ve already learnt as a basis for negotiating new circumstances is a winning combination.

Never too old to write a book

Writing is my passion and superpower, my authentic heart that makes me shine. So a long-held desire has been to write a book. I’ve had articles, work-related books and poems published. But I really want to write a book, non-fiction first then a novel. For years I’ve been gearing up, listening to podcasts and reading articles on writing and self-publishing from inspiring people a step (or many steps) ahead like The Creative Penn.

This past year, I was excited to get the first draft of my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership Strategies for Women in Transition written, mostly during NaNoWriMo. I finished the first draft in September this year. Those 84,000 words are currently marinating and resting. Soon, I will edit them for the next stage of this work before it finds its way into the world.

Examples of older writers and their first book

In all of this, there has been a constant undercurrent of “you’re too old” coming from some voice inside me with an ideal version of what age is the right one to write and publish a book. It’s been empowering to see reminders that many famous authors were not young when they first published. In What’s Stopping You, Allison K. Williams reflects on her tweet that went viral:

Toni Morrison: 40
Mark Twain: 41
Marcel Proust: 43
Henry Miller: 44
JRR Tolkien: 45
Raymond Chandler: 51
Richard Adams: 52
Annie Proulx: 57
Laura Ingalls Wilder: 65
Frank McCourt: 66
Harriett Doerr: 74
Harry Bernstein: 96
No, you’re not too old to publish your first book.

— Allison K Williams (@GuerillaMemoir) August 19, 2018

I love that one of my favourite authors, Annie Proulx, published her first book at 57, the age I am now. That was super inspiring to read. It’s not too late, I told myself. Allison also reflects on how we need to have courage and look at what is stopping us from writing:

Let’s tell it to ourselves, too. Let’s ask, What’s stopping me from writing? and be brave enough to let go.

It’s true. We need courage to let go of what’s not helping us to get that writing done. Whatever age we are!

Courage, skills and being of service

Beautiful You Coaching Academy CEO Julie Parker says in her editorial to the inspired COACH Magazine Wisdom issue:

I also know that anyone who chooses to train to become a life coach and start a business later in life – has bucket loads of courage…. That’s saying–”I totally back myself. I’ve got this and so much more of my life to live and give. I am here in service.”

I so nodded and held my heart when I read those wise and empathetic words from Julie. It does take courage, new skills and constant self-reminders that we have so much to “live and give“. We also need to remember that’s it’s not all just about us.

If there’s one thought that will help lift us up to a wider vantage point, it is remembering that we are of value in being in service to others. It’s about sharing what we have learnt through experience, supporting others just as we have been supported. Shining a light just as others shine a light for us. Being a wayfinder as my friend Diana Frajman, of Crone Confidence, reminds us:

So if you have already made the shift and are out ahead of the herd, blazing new trails leading towards this change, then you are a Wayfinder. It is not enough to stand on the cusp alone. Use the curiosity that got you to this spot, provide the answers to others for the questions you have already asked, but most of all, clear the trail and light the path so that others can also find their way forward.

What are you never too old to do right now?

So have a think about what you might be telling yourself about being “too old”. Love to know your thoughts so we can all shine a light for each other. Here are a few prompts:

What stories are you telling yourself about what you are “too old” to do right now?
Who says? And how are you going to counter that?
What are you going to find the courage and skill to do right now?
What’s stopping you and how can you tackle that?
Which skills would you love to hone to take you forward?
How can you be more courageous and bold in your work in the world?
Where can you shine a light and be of service to others?

And if you are looking for a coach to work with you to light the way, I’d love to be that coach for you!

Here are some more inspirational reads to light your way:

Crone Quotes from Crone Confidence

5 Reasons to be Glad You’re a Late Bloomer

Later Bloomer – Creativity Never Gets Old

Keep in touch

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

And download the 10 Tips for Creating More Meaning and Purpose in Your Life Personal Action Checklist. Get moving!

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creativity inspiration & influence

Writing retreat in Hoi An review + photo essay – seeing with fresh eyes

October 31, 2018

You are permitting a return to yourself, and and in that return you will begin to see yourself and your life with fresh eyes. For that return is a foretaste of the inner place of retreat which in truth is never far away – after all, it is none other than who you are.

Roger Housden, Retreat: Time Apart for Silence and Solitude

Recently, I went on a writing retreat in Hoi An, Vietnam led by my friend Kerstin Pilz. Here is a review and photo essay of my experience and learning.

One thing I decided I would do this year is take myself away on a writing retreat. After a tough past year, a time of nourishing my creative self via a writing retreat sounded delicious. Shortly afterwards, my friend Kerstin Pilz of Write Your Journey (who has written her wholehearted story here on Quiet Writing!) announced a writing retreat in her home base of Hoi An, Vietnam in September this year.

I’ve always wanted to go to Vietnam and Hoi An in particular. Kerstin’s retreat included a focus on yoga as well as writing which was very inviting. In all it featured: writing, yoga, exploring Hoi An, beautiful boutique accommodation, sound bowl meditation and generally activating the jaded senses in a fresh environment. And all at a very reasonable price for so much valued input. That was all a big tick for me in every way for this writing retreat. So before long, I signed up for the retreat and eagerly awaited September.

Eventually I headed off on 7 September to Hoi An for a blissful week. Here is my story of my yoga and writing retreat week. In summary, if you are thinking of a writing retreat, I wholeheartedly recommend it, and especially Kerstin’s retreats, for seeing with fresh eyes. Absolutely do it – you will love the self-care, stimulation, reflection and perspective it provides. For further detail read on! Photographs are by Nigel Rowles, Kerstin Pilz and me, and others – all credits are noted with thanks at the bottom of this post.

Writing retreat

I’ve written for years, been to many writing workshops, created and been part of writing groups. But I’d never been on a writing retreat. The thought of going away for a week to focus on writing was such an exciting on! I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was open to whatever came. From my shift to a new life as a life coach, I knew approaching the retreat with a beginner’s mind was essential. So that’s what I went with. I took along the finished 84K first draft of my Wholehearted book, as much as a talisman as anything. Most of all, I knew I had a week to focus on writing and that was enough for me.

The writing experience on the retreat prompted us to hone in on our unique voice. With three of us at the retreat, we enjoyed close attention and a strong sense of connection. Writing sessions focused on a theme such as beginner’s mind (appropriate!), writing for the senses, storytelling, memoir and crafting a personal creative manifesto. We worked with various types of prompts such as physical objects and photo prompts.

It was so valuable for me to work with themes, prompts and exercises to dust off and access my voice. I have written in different ways as I’ve started a new business, drafted a non-fiction book and blogged on various platforms. But most of this writing started with my own motivations. It was valuable for someone else to provide the context, perspective, prompts and ideas to help access my voice and deeper stories.

Writing with others

Writing with a group, all of us different in our writing interests and motivations, was so powerful. I usually write alone so stepping outside of my comfort zone to write with others was another way of getting back to my voice with support and encouragement. Kerstin is a highly experienced writer, writing teacher and blogger as well as a university lecturer by background. She was adept at crafting a gentle writing curriculum experience that opened us up to our voice and skill. Moreover, Kerstin wrote alongside us and shared her words as well which I so valued.

We laughed and cried at different times and always marvelled at what could come forth in ten short minutes. It was a long time (years!) since I’ve read my own words out aloud. This in itself was so powerful. You forget the power of hearing your own voice. With the influence of the environment of Hoi An with all its colour and freshness weaving into our days alongside our writing, we refreshed our purpose, craft and voice from multiple perspectives.

Yoga, sound bowl meditation and other treats

Having yoga and other healing practices alongside writing for the retreat was brilliant, each piece illuminating the other dimensions. Kerstin is an experienced yoga teacher, and partner, Nigel Rowles, is a professional musician and sound bowl master. All these skills combined to craft a writing retreat with practice and mindfulness as a central component. The unifying theme was practice – writing practice, yoga practice and other practices to help us still the mind and cultivate positive habits.

Our yoga studio was a purpose-built platform over the water in a secluded setting. Local yoga teacher, Victoria Nhan, led practices including early morning yoga sessions in a quiet and flexible way. Skilled in her teaching to meet the various needs of the group, Victoria reminded us to smile as we practised and to see our thoughts coming and going “like clouds in the sky”, reflecting the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. We also enjoyed a morning session of Qi Gong with Victoria at An Bang Beach.

Kerstin also led yoga sessions and provided meditation leadership. Nigel provided sound bowl music as a soundtrack and key element of our meditation practice. Sound bowl music was something I had never experienced first-hand and I loved it. The sound hangs in the air and goes through your body as it resonates. An individual hour-long sound bowl meditation with Nigel was included and involved the placing of sound bowls around us and on our body. It was the deepest of relaxation experiences. That night I slept like I hadn’t slept for a long time. A reiki session with Victoria was an extra option I took up. This was a deeply healing practice at the end of the retreat which helped to integrate the week.

Beautiful surrounds to calm, inspire and delight

Hoi An was all I had imagined and more and we were blessed to be staying in the most charming quiet location. Our hosts at An Villa, our home for the week, went out of their way to make us feel at home and relaxed. Every need was met including excellent fresh food (most meals were included in the retreat package), stunning comfortable rooms, a beautiful pool, an open-air yoga studio and the best attention by all the staff. We felt like part of the An Villa family.

Phuong from An Villa in particular supported us, acting as tour guide when we visited the Ancient Town of Hoi An, travelling by boat first and then walking at night through the busy lantern-filled streets. She led us for a tour of the local markets where we purchased food for a cooking class led by An Villa staff. Walking through rice paddies to arrive at the market, the colours, sights and smells of fresh fruit, vegetables, meat and fish met us and surrounded us as we wandered through. We selected our produce and headed back to learn about Vietnamese cuisine by preparing our own lunch. With our senses truly activated, we channelled these experiences into our writing.

A well-balanced and integrated itinerary and journey

Kerstin arranged a well-balanced itinerary and journey through the week. The yoga and writing complemented each other perfectly as we attended to both practices. We spent our time between the quiet solitude of An Villa and trips out and around. This included visits to the World Heritage listed ancient town of Hoi An, to a live performance of cultural theatre and music, to specially selected restaurants and to An Bang Beach for sunrise.

It felt so special to be treated to the delights of Hoi An by locals, with Kerstin, Nigel and Phuong accompanying us and showing us around. This meant we could truly relax and soak in the atmosphere, feeling safe and supported. You could just be in the moment exploring and absorbing, like everything was a part of the practice of craft and retreat.

Whether it was Qi Gong on An Bang Beach, a drink at the Market Bar at sunset, shopping in the lantern-lit ancient town, dinner at Chips and Fish, indulging in healing practices or writing by the pool or beside the beach, everything was so refreshing and integrated. Each day brought new pleasures to reflect on and enjoy: the taste of fresh produce carefully chosen and blended together; brilliant colours symbolised by lanterns everywhere; incense wafting in the streets to celebrate the New Moon; the crashing of waves rising to meet the sun; and Vietnamese performers flexing in powerful routines against a backdrop of resounding drums giving us a fresh take on tradition.

My learnings

My learning from this week are many and enduring including:

Writing exercises are useful tools to free up your writing, get in touch with your voice, create new content and move in new directions.
It’s revitalising to read your writing aloud and hear it in the company of others compassionately witnessing your work.
Indulge the senses and engage in new experiences to reinvigorate yourself and your writing. Hoi An is the perfect place for this.
The art of practice, whether it’s writing, yoga or anything else, is important to weave into our days. Each practice complements the others.
Fresh food is so much better than what we often find in supermarkets. Shopping in the local market and the meals at An Villa were a reminder to get back to basics. Since returning, I’ve sought out markets with fresher produce that tastes better and lasts longer.
Retreats can be intense. It was an emotional time but that intensity was important for moving through and on with self-care, craft and practice. Significant blocks were worked through, some I’m sure I am not even aware of still!
Occasionally I wanted for more introvert time for integrating everything, but I learnt there was enough of this time. The value of the retreat was in the multiplicity of experiences and interactions. There was opportunity for integrating on the way through and on the return home. Learning to manage my introvert in all of this was a valuable experience.

“Seeing with fresh eyes” sums up the feeling of the week. Whether it was looking at my writing practice, working out how to weave yoga into my days, eating better food, connecting with writing community, dealing with my introversion or enjoying new sights and sounds, it was all about that return to self and seeing afresh.

Special mentions

With all of this, it’s hard to single out the highlights. But if I think about where the experience and practice left a lasting impact, here’s a list of special mentions:

My fellow retreat participants – Heidi and Flora – were such a joy to be with. Spanning different generations, experiences, countries and cultures, we bonded deeply and laughed and cried together. Sharing my writing and story with these two special women and with Kerstin was a profound experience. I felt held and witnessed, just as I held space and witnessed their work. For this, I am very grateful.
Victoria Nhan is a skilled and healing yoga and Qi Gong teacher and Reiki practitioner. I connected deeply with her teaching and the Reiki session we enjoyed together integrated healing energy which I take forward.
All the staff at An Villa and especially Phuong and Le for all their attentions, making us feel so at home and welcome. The food was simply outstanding and another aspect of the “fresh” experience. I can’t wait to go back to An Villa for another stay. Fabulous choice, Kerstin!
Nigel Rowles for his work with the sound bowl music and meditations – such a special healing treat; for his photography that captured the highlights and moments and was generously shared with us; and for hosting us with Kerstin in so many ways over the week.

And finally to Kerstin, creator, architect, event manager, organiser, teacher, writer, tour guide, facilitator, photographer and friend. So many hats worn with such aplomb, generosity and deep commitment to us all. Thanks for sharing the joys of your hometown, your healing writing craft and yoga and meditation practices with us all. I am truly grateful for everything you created and shared with us.

Seeing with fresh eyes

On Kerstin’s website, she says:

I’m here to make you become best buddies with your inner writer, teach it to speak in your authentic voice and send you on a journey of discovery together.

And that was this writing retreat week was like, an intense and transformative journey of voice and discovery. If you have the opportunity to share in a writing retreat with Kerstin, do take it up. It’s a life-changing experience in so many dimensions, one that I am still unravelling and learning. It will certainly help you see life and yourself with fresh eyes. And in the meantime, visit Write Your Journey and connect with Kerstin and all her rich offerings and inspiration.

Photographic credits

We were blessed with excellent photographers for this retreat in Nigel and Kerstin helping us to capture the moments. I blend these images with my own in this photo-essay. The individual photographs are credited as follows, with photographs from others used with permission and thanks:

Feature image – hand writing + The Writing Life – Nigel Rowles
Hands writing – Nigel Rowles
Flowers on the yoga deck – Terri Connellan
Writing at An Villa – Nigel Rowles
Heliconia by my villa entry – Terri Connellan
Lanterns in Hoi An ancient town – Terri Connellan
Our yoga pavilion studio over the water – Nigel Rowles
Yoga practice – Nigel Rowles
An Bang Beach sunrise – Terri Connellan
Qi Gong on An Bang Beach – Nigel Rowles
My villa home for the week at An Villa – Terri Connellan
The garden and pool view at An Villa – Terri Connellan
Cruising on the river into ancient town – Nigel Rowles
Shopping at the local markets – Terri Connellan
Ingredients, cooking class at An Villa – Terri Connellan
Braised eggplant in claypot in preparation – Kerstin Pilz
Rice fields on the way to the markets – Terri Connellan
Local scene from a writing session at Anantara Hoi An resort – Terri Connellan
Afternoon tea and writing session at Anantara Hoi An resort – Anantara staff
Writing retreat buddies – Kerstin Pilz
Nigel Rowles – Kerstin Pilz
Kerstin and I at An Villa – Le, staff member An Villa
Retreat participants in yoga pose with Victoria Nhan – Nigel Rowles
Kerstin Pilz – Nigel Rowles

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Meeting the unexpected with deeper insights

What I have learned

Resources that have supported me

About Heidi Washburn

Read more Wholehearted Stories

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

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Never too old + countering the “too old” story

Never too old to start over + become a coach

Never too old to be coached

Never too old to learn new skills

Never too old to start a business

Never too old to write a book

Examples of older writers and their first book

Courage, skills and being of service

What are you never too old to do right now?

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You are permitting a return to yourself, and and in that return you will begin to see yourself and your life with fresh eyes. For that return is a foretaste of the inner place of retreat which in truth is never far away – after all, it is none other than who you are.

Roger Housden, Retreat: Time Apart for Silence and Solitude

Writing retreat

Writing with others

Yoga, sound bowl meditation and other treats

Beautiful surrounds to calm, inspire and delight

A well-balanced and integrated itinerary and journey

My learnings

Special mentions

Seeing with fresh eyes

Photographic credits

Keep in touch

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