self-leadership Archives

From Halfhearted to Wholehearted Living – My Journey

March 29, 2019

This guest post from Emily Lewis looks at the journey of moving from half-hearted to wholehearted living.

This is the 17th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I’m thrilled to have Emily Lewis as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Emily and I met via Instagram and other creative connections. In this story, Emily shares how she is embracing uncertainty and imperfection and questioning the “shoulds” in her life. In doing this, she is moving from half-hearted to wholehearted living. Emily also shares her brilliant photographs. Read on!

I’ll admit that when I first agreed to write a post here I didn’t have any idea what I would say. What is wholehearted living anyway? In the Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown says:

It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

I’ve read Gifts, and other definitions, but somehow the guideposts never really stuck with me. I’m not terribly compassionate or patient, I have no idea what it means to play instead of work, and I’m terrible at cultivating consistent gratitude. I’m not sure if I have any faith in a higher power. I tend more to be grumpy, bitchy or bitter, frequently irritated or anxious and feeling guilty on top of it since overall my life is not at all bad. I am certain all of those things are what wholehearted is not.

I think, perhaps, I’ve been living half-heartedly, living according to a series of “shoulds” and being more concerned with what the world thinks of me when I actually do follow what is in my heart and gut. Many of the people who voiced their generally well-intentioned opinions throughout my life were not wrong in their assertions, but that did not mean they were right for me.

Impacts of living halfheartedly

I never wanted to move to Maryland. I never really wanted to be a landscape architect either. But during his time in academia, my father had seen too many students struggle to make ends meet after graduation and thought it would be a good direction to pursue. It was clear during design school many of my professors didn’t think I had what it took to make it in the profession. And in a way, they may have been right. The skills that most of the top students had – graphics, site design – were not where I excelled. I preferred a combination of natural resources and liberal arts but was determined that since I started the program, I should finish it. Then I’d figure out what to do.

Before I moved to Annapolis, I had been to the state all of twice. I thought I’d stay a couple of years then join the Peace Corps or go to grad school somewhere far away. I tried to leave after a few months, but the recession hit and nothing materialized. When I transferred offices to work on a major project, I vowed I’d finish out my role, no matter what. Much like I vowed to stick with my major in the first place. Because good students and good employees finish what they start.

That project finished and I should have felt free. But by then I was marrying my husband, who was new to the area and didn’t want to move again. So instead of applying to the University of Oregon or Pennsylvania for a Master’s degree, I looked into local programs where I could continue to work full time. We bought a house and the day the bank approved our offer I cried because now I was stuck. Once we realized we really did want to move, we decided to be responsible and try to pay off all our student loans before doing so. Twelve years later, I’m still half-heartedly living in a place I wanted to leave after six months, struggling which what I “should” do instead of following my heart.

Being done with “shoulds”

Somewhere along the way, I paused and realized how deeply unhappy I was. In December 2014 I was at a bookstore looking for a Christmas present for my dad when I saw a book called Paris Letters. The author, Janice MacLeod, asks the question “How much money does it take to quit your job?” and then moves to Paris.

It started a process of slow consideration over the next few months of asking myself a series of questions. What am I doing here? Why am I staying in this job that hasn’t helped me grow in four years, just left me with empty promises and fits of crying every morning before I get out of the car? Because I “should” take advantage of the money they are giving me for grad school, at a program I enrolled in because I “should” work full time while I go to school, because I always felt obligated to follow a particular career direction? What if I changed? Who might I become?

I remember the exact moment when I first decided I was done with the shoulds. I was in the bathroom of an airplane somewhere over the Rocky Mountains looking not just at myself in the mirror, but down at my whole life, laid out 10,000 feet below me, and I asked myself “What the hell are you waiting for?” I was reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed on that plane ride, a story about picking yourself the fuck up and DOING something with your life, and something started to crack slowly inside of me.

Small cracks to big cracks

Have you ever noticed that a small crack inevitably leads to bigger cracks? It’s why we design sidewalks and buildings with control joints, to tell the crack where it will and will not go, but we can’t design our own life that way.

I didn’t know on that plane ride, or in that book store, that this tiny crack would split wide open in ways I could never imagine over the next four years. That it would include two job changes, three transAtlantic trips, depression, infidelity, a friend’s suicide, and that I would eventually stop trying to patch myself up, like a slipshod repair job, but rather go all the way to the deepest part of the wound and learn to heal from the inside out. I didn’t know that this was the process of becoming whole, that it’s an ongoing process and I would keep finding new places that needed to be healed. Sometimes these things fester until something happens to bring them to the surface.

I had a moment in the early fall of 2015, while out in the woods measuring trees for a stream restoration project when suddenly I knew I wanted no part of the path I had been following. Not the job, not grad school, not Maryland. I had been trying so hard to plan every bit of my life and you can’t live wholeheartedly if you are willing your life to stick to a plan. In that moment I broke down and spiralled into a depression that lasted for months, where not a day went by that I didn’t weep out of hopelessness and despair and consider ending it all. There was no more plan.

Forgoing the shoulds

Slowly and tentatively I began to talk to select people about how I was struggling. A friend sent me the book Let Your Life Speak by Parker J Palmer who eloquently described what I could barely grasp at:

Sometimes the “shoulds” do not work because the life one is living runs crosswise to the grain of one’s soul. At that time in my life, I had no feeling for the grain in my soul and no sense of which way was crosswise….Had I not followed my despair…I might have continued to pursue a work that was not mine to do, causing further harm to myself, to the people and projects with which I worked, and to a profession that is well-worth doing – by those who are called to do it.

I decided to forego the “shoulds”. Maybe I should have stayed in that job longer, but I knew I was done and I didn’t want to look to the past or the future but rather stay in the present and what I needed in my soul at the time. Maybe I should have quit the volunteer Board of Directors position, but those people have become the closest friends and family I’ve known and can rely on. Maybe I should quit traveling so much and stay put a little more often; I’ve gotten used to people questioning how much I travel, but it what makes me feel alive.

When others question me, it is their own fears they vocalize and too often I let that hold me back or put up my defences, determined to show them that I am right. Everything from what I majored in to where I lived to what I did in my spare time was a “should do” for far too long.

What do I know

With so many unknowns, what do I know? I know that while there have been parts of my life that have been wonderful, there are also parts of it that have been toxic to me. I often wonder, if I stayed at home more, physically more, would it be better? Would I be happier? But WOULD I ever actually stay here more, even if I were less busy, less committed to friends and family and adventures around the country?

Perhaps part of me will always feel the need to be on the go and doing something. Do I leave because I don’t want to be here or do I not want to be here because I always leave? Am I still trying to be someone I am not, that I feel I should be? I posed this question to my husband, Todd. He responded, kindly, “I think you will always want to be on the move. If you tried to stay in one place you wouldn’t be you. You were born to wander.”

So where am I now, emotionally and physically? That’s a complicated question, but I think I am getting closer to the answer, part of which is “I don’t know.” But I do. And I don’t. This chapter of my life is closing, and like all good chapters, it’s emotional, like the end of Deathly Hallows before the Epilogue when you know there’s more to the story but you’re not ready for this part of it to end.

What I want

I want to fully love and live and mourn this chapter so I can wholly move into the next one. I don’t want to allude to things anymore. I want to be real. I have been halfheartedly living in the Chesapeake, trying to be something I have never felt connected to on a soul level. I’ve tried for 17 years to convince myself I could do this particular work and live in this particular place and I can’t. I want to feel alive and I feel alive when I am around art, around animals, in nature, in the mountains. Less people, less frenetic pace of life.

I’m not a “hustle” mentality. I want to equally work hard and play hard and rest hard and love hard and I don’t have room for that when I’m full of irritation and stress and anxiety in this place. I’ve never really felt healthy or whole here and it’s devastating to say that out loud, especially when I don’t yet have the answers to what’s next. I’ve always wanted to completely plan out my life and I don’t think that’s in the cards. I’m scared as hell and want to weep and leap for joy at the same time.

What is next

I’ve always wanted to pack up and just go and see what adventure is waiting around the next turn. I’ve secretly always wanted to stop being so damn responsible and just take a risk. Fear and obligation and what I “should” do stopped me every time.

The Green Mountains have been calling my name since I crossed the state line into Vermont in late May nine years ago. I remember a coworker saying they weren’t sure I was going to come back from that trip and part of me never did. There are pieces of my soul scattered around this world and it’s time I went and reconnected with one of them. I’ll be okay, I’ll be fine, not knowing what the future holds. No matter what happens, I tried. I got up in the morning and went to bed at night knowing that I was still brave and worthy of love and belonging. I will be enough because instead of listening to the “shoulds” I did what I wanted to do. Should I move? Should I find a new career? I don’t know. But do I want to? Yes. And that is enough.

Key book + podcast companions along the way

Radical Acceptance – Tara Brach

The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown

Let Your Life Speak – Parker J Palmer

Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert

Paris Letters – Janice MacLeod

Harry Potter – J.K. Rowling

Wild – Cheryl Strayed

This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart – Susannah Conway

Finding Ultra – Rich Roll

The Runner’s Guide to the Meaning of Life – Amby Burfoot

The Artist’s Way – Julia Cameron

Tranquility du Jour Podcast – Kimberly Wilson

Another White Dash (song) – Butterfly Boucher

About Emily Lewis

Emily Lewis is a lover of travel, books, and trees who feels equally at home deep in the city or out in the country. She is passionate about environmental issues, art, and writing. Her photography explores both people and landscape, capturing the juxtaposition of nature and man-made, wild and urban, light and color, to show the often-overlooked details of life. She is a professional landscape architect with a Masters in environmental science and moonlights as a financial director and photographer. You can see her work and connect with her on her website www.emilylewiscreative.com or via Instagram.

Feature image by Diana White Photography

Other photographs taken and provided by Emily Lewis, used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch + free Reading Wisdom Guide

You might also enjoy my free ‘Reading Wisdom Guide for Creatives, Coaches and Writers‘ with a summary of 45 wholehearted books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

You will receive access to the Wholehearted Library which includes the Reading Wisdom Guide and so much more! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook Instagram and Twitter so keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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The courageous magic of a life unlived – a wholehearted story

February 28, 2019

This guest post from Bek Ireland looks at the courage and magic of exploring a life unlived.

This is the 16th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

I’m excited to have Bek Ireland as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Bek and I met via coaching and I had the pleasure of guiding Bek through a coaching series. We worked through deep wholehearted story work and Bek focused on getting back to the essentials of what was important. In this story, Bek shares how she has moved courageously into living that life unlived she imagined. It takes brave and sometimes unorthodox steps, but that’s wholehearted work. Read Bek’s journey of working through embracing her natural personality and living her life unlived!

Come in, come in, I’ll show you around. There’s a table, which also serves as a desk of course (excuse my laptop, notebook, 2019 diary on it!) and a gorgeous little kitchen, with coffee and tea and breakfast stuff.

In here’s the bathroom, with ‘Who Gives A Crap’ toilet rolls (love it). Here we have the bed (built high so you can store your suitcases or bags under there). The comfy couch is opposite the television, although we both know that’s not going to get turned on while I’m here, don’t we?

That’s one of the very reasons I’m here!

This is the third time I’ve stayed at an Airbnb in the last few years. It’s interesting that trips are stored in the app – my first time was June 2017, then June 2018, and now January 2019.

I rent them for two nights usually, but I don’t stay overnight. All three have been within a 5-minute drive of my own house. I come for the afternoon on the first ‘night’ and then the full day of the second ‘night’.

The first time was one night, because my daughter, who was nine at the time, had gone to a friend’s house and was possibly going to stay the night, depending on how she felt. I would’ve stayed the night if she’d stayed at her friend’s, but she didn’t. So I was only there for a few hours in the afternoon and evening.

Reclaiming sovereignty

The bliss of it though! The no-TV, no-power tools, nobody talking to me. Not even offering me a coffee – so, still interrupting, still intruding on what I was beginning to understand was an innate need for uninterrupted time to myself.

When you’re a people-pleasing INFJ like me, going against the grain of 40 years and trying to establish some boundaries with scant practice is hard work. Being interrupted with the offer of coffee is excruciating. Because yes, they’re interrupting when you’ve asked politely that they not talk to you, but for an ostensibly nice reason.

It’s all too much and you give up and give in and swallow yourself and go watch TV with them.

But not if you’re in a space of your own.

The second time I told my daughter and her dad that I was going on a two-day writing retreat, which was true. But it wasn’t until it was over that I explained I’d been the only one at the retreat.

I went for walks, I wrote, I read.

I didn’t talk.

I listened to cars driving past, blokes playing sport on the oval up the road. The sounds of birds, the wind, insects. I thanked the thoughts of guilt when they came, then let them dissolve.

Agency and guilt are two of the balls I juggle as I stretch my wings to test their strength. Please excuse the clumsy metaphors. Done is better than perfect, as they say.

Wings to fly

So those two were a year apart. That’s interesting. Come the Junes had I had enough? Did I need some counterbalance mid-year? And what was happening at those times?

I quite like the wings metaphor, let’s think Angelina-Jolie-in-Malevolence type wings. So, in June 2017 you might say I was feeling the nice itch and burn of them under the skin on my back. Perhaps they were starting to protrude a little.

I’d been six months in an assistant manager position at a company for whom I’d worked, on and off, for over 20 years. A company, by the way, that in Year 12 I had sworn I would never work for. Careful what you feel strongly about is my advice to you!

If you ask me where I would have planned to work at that age, I couldn’t have told you – and I guess the universe just fills in the blanks for you sometimes, doesn’t it? Which can be good, or not so good.

Strength and the validation it brings

Anyway, I digress.

By June 2018 my wings had sprouted. Not long after my first brief, blissful sojourn, I had completed a semester of a combined English and Creative Writing/Secondary Education degree.

I deferred the following semester while I held the fort for my boss, who had been promoted to a new role. I absolutely did not want her job – leading a team of 17 across three states – but I was happy enough to fill in till they advertised her job and found someone new.

And to be honest I had gained confidence, having met a kindred spirit in Terri and benefiting from a series of coaching sessions with her; with doing well at my studies; and by being considered competent enough to be the acting manager.

And here we are, six months later, in this glorious tiny space. I would love to sleep the night, but again, juggling with agency and guilt, I find it difficult to justify staying away from home when I’m in the same town. I travel a bit for work, to Adelaide and Sydney, and of course, I stay away from my daughter then. But I have no choice – because I’m so far away.

Here, I am only five minutes down the road. And having the whole afternoon and then the whole next day to myself is good enough, for now.

But as soon as I got settled in this one, I was already planning my next stay. And I won’t even wait six months this time, let alone a year. The first time this is available again is two months from now. The only reason I haven’t already booked it is that I don’t want to seem too weird.

Remembering who you really are

Creating time and space for solitude is symbolic of my journey along the path of wholeheartedness. Believing I deserve to create this time and space for myself. Acknowledging its importance.

e e cummings said,

To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

Or condensed for modern times by Danielle LaPorte:

Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?

Getting away, stepping outside the realms of my normal life, into the magic of a life unlived, if only for brief periods of time, helps me remember who I really am. It is there I find myself. I have been there all along, but sometimes I am hard to find under the accumulated detritus of the world which does its best to make me (and all of us) everybody else.

In the majesty of silence, I can recalibrate, recharge, rejuvenate, rejoice. Quietly.

I remember thinking of Virginia Woolf and her room of one’s own. It’s a recurring fantasy of mine to rent a house of my own and semi-reside there. What riches could emerge? How might the fabric of the universe stretch and shimmer in those circumstances?

Trusting yourself and honouring your instincts

I also often long for a beloved, wise mentor. Someone who knows me, who sees me, who could guide me on the path. What’s the next right thing? Tara Mohr has an exquisite guided meditation, (you can find it here) where you journey to meet your future-self. I highly recommend it.

The last time I did it, my future-self lived alone (probably with a cat too) in a humble, funky, uncluttered small abode not far from the sea. She had wavy grey hair, and she was fit and strong. Her days consisted of long walks, reading, writing, and conversing with a community of like-minded folk from all over the planet via the world wide web.

I can see now she would live a waste-free life. She would cultivate vegetables and walk or ride to the local farmer’s market each Sunday to buy fruit and catch up with local friends face to face.

Besides solitude, reading is like breathing to me. I also love learning about astrology, and like many INFJ’s, have a wide smattering of interests.

Waking up

I have however recently acquired a new focus: climate change. I can’t believe I got to 43 knowing basically nothing about it.

In October 2018 I attended a local TEDx event. All the speakers were inspirational, but a talk by Darren Lomman of GreenBatch really stood out. He’s working to create the first plastic recycling facility in Perth, Western Australia because at the current rate, it’s predicted that there will be more plastic than fish in our oceans by 2050.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) had just released their latest report on the state of the planet and Sarah Wilson (of I Quit Sugar and First We Make the Beast Beautiful fame) had posted a summary of it on her blog. I love Sarah’s no-nonsense take on things, and read her views with interest.

Since then, I have been learning about carbon dioxide emissions, what ppm means (parts per million), who the planet’s largest emitters are and how we can avert the potentially catastrophic consequences of our mindless pursuit of economic growth.

I have bought cloth pads and a menstrual cup. I am trying to reduce, reuse, or refuse single-use plastics. I have a large bowl in the sink to save the water that would normally go down the drain when I wash my hands and rinse dishes. I have a bucket in the shower to capture a portion of the water that washes over me.

It makes me think about others that I share this incredibly beneficent earth with, others who do not have toilets or disposable pads or tampons. Others who walk miles to get water. Others who have as much right as I do to feel the itch and burn of newly growing wings under their skin.

Courage to grow

And I am delving deeper into the science and political history of the climate emergency we face, because I want to do more than aspire to waste-free living; I want to help drive policy change.

I need to educate myself, because as much as I’m growing, there’s a saying I still tend to live by: better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

I find myself noticing moments of quiet with more frequency now, and recognising that creating quiet – and solitude – for myself is a necessity, not a luxury. Quiet and solitude allow me to work out what it is that I think, how to apply the ideas I generate, and how to be confident that when I do speak, it’s from a space of considered knowledge. Reading Greg McKeown’s Essentialism guided me to figure out what was essential for me, and to live that.

I believe though that most of us are trying to raise our awareness, and knowing that I am part of a community of brave souls, finding the courage to test our wings and raise our voices, gives me hope.

With such hope, it’s delicious to imagine how the fabric of the universe might stretch and shimmer.

Key book companions along the way

Here are some books I love that have supported me:

Presence – Amy Cuddy

Essentialism – Greg McKeown

The War of Art – Steven Pressfield

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

Writing Down the Bones – Natalie Goldberg

Bird by Bird – Anne Lamott

The Hate Race – Maxine Beneba Clarke

Autobiography of a Yogi – Paramahansa Yogananda

Anything We Love Can Be Saved – Alice Walker

Quiet – Susan Cain (my first realisation that I was introverted, and not only was that a thing, and okay, but it brought incredible gifts)

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

Salt – Gabrielle Lord

This Changes Everything – Naomi Klein

Eaarth – Bill McKibben

Requiem for a Species – Clive Hamilton

About Bek Ireland

Bek Ireland leads a team of specialists helping communities build their financial capability. Bek loves reading and learning, and is passionately interested in the connections between things. She has studied, amongst many other things, astrology, English Literature, crystal healing and education. She is an INFJ and is interested in psychology and esoteric teachings. Bek has recently joined 350.org and is learning how she can contribute to raising awareness of global warming, and a sustainable future. You can find Bek on Instagram and Twitter.

Photographs 1, 4, 6 & 7 provided by Bek Ireland and used with permission and thanks.

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Ordinary People’s Mystical Experiences – a review of ‘Mystical Interludes II’ by Emily Rodavich

February 18, 2019

‘Mystical Interludes II’, collected and edited by Emily Rodavich, takes us into the world of ordinary people’s mystical experiences. Read on!

A mystical interlude, which resonates in the heart, can remind us of our spirituality and our connectedness to each other. This is why it is meaningful to take heed.

from Mystical Interludes II by Emily Rodavich

You might sense a theme emerging in Quiet Writing lately.

Independently, books have come to me that focus on mystical experiences. These books arrived in various ways and means, all dealing with people having extraordinary experiences. It was quite surprising. Coincidence? I think not.

These mystical experiences are called different things: mystical interludes or NOTEs, Non-ordinary Transcendent Experiences. Some involve a specific life-changing moment like a Near Death Experience. Others are a kind of synchronicity or meaningful coincidence, involving signs or symbols. Sometimes they are everyday occurrences with enormous significance beyond the moment. They could be events that connect over the decades. Or an experience that manifests through increased sensitivity of some kind.

It was clearly time for me to look closely into this realm of reality and reflect on my personal experience of the mystical. For it is something that just about everyone experiences and encounters if we pay attention. Often, it’s an occurrence that yields rich rewards of transformation and growth. This is especially the case if we honour the experience, feel able to talk about it and share it more publicly with others.

Reading Mystical Interludes II

I was delighted to have the opportunity to read Mystical Interludes II by Emily Rodavich to enrich my sense of ordinary people’s stories of the mystical. The backstory of this book is fascinating. Emily Rodavich wrote her first Mystical Interludes: An Ordinary Person’s Extraordinary Experiences as a memoir. Covering a series of lifetime mystical interludes, Emily seeks to make sense of encounter after encounter. These experiences include a near-death experience at 18. With the door opening to this aspect of experience, it seemed to usher in other spiritual experiences.

Emily reflects on her mystical interludes with this life wisdom:

I’ve come to realize that those powerful experiences have been extraordinary gifts that should be shared rather than closeted. It’s my hunch that the world is full of ordinary people like myself who have been surprised by similar incidents. It’s time we come forward and share them with each other and the world around us.

Mystical Interludes

So to put her weight behind this, Emily issued an invitation at the end of her memoir. She invited people who experienced a mystical interlude to submit a description of it for a new book. Mystical Interludes II is a collection of stories that came forward from ordinary people from that invitation and in other ways.

Emily speaking at a book talk

Ordinary people’s extraordinary stories

The quality that I love most about Emily’s Mystical Interludes II is that it is very much ordinary people telling extraordinary stories. You sense as you read that each author is continuing to make sense of what happened as they write. The overwhelming feeling is of everyone being right back in that moment even if it was many years ago. The details are sharp. It’s as if time stands still in the moment and everything is super-charged. The senses are activated in the story and in the telling.

Nancy Aloi in ‘Love from Beyond the Veil‘ describes a series of encounters defined by intense smells including tobacco and freshly baked bread. Smells that she connects with her late father, his spirit seemingly shepherds her through a difficult time.

Canela Michelle Meyers describes the expansive, light feeling of a Near Death Experience in her story, ‘Into the Blue’. The moments when Canela is ice-skating before she has a catastrophic fall are told in crystal clear detail. It’s as if the whole day and series of events are frozen in time.

Time after time, I marvelled at being in this house, in this hospital, in this room, on this street – in ordinary places with ordinary people having extraordinary things happen to them.

Overwhelming openness to experience

Each author reflects on these extraordinary experiences as a gift. They provide insights and learning that open the heart. Even when the experience was difficult or hard to understand, it resulted in a spirit of being more open.

Beverley Golden shares an “almost unexplainable experience with a past-life regression” in her story, ‘Answers from Another Place and Time.’ She concludes:

One thing I do know is that the experience has kept me open and willing to receive answers to questions, wherever they come from.

These ordinary people share conclusions from all kinds of extraordinary experiences. Conclusions about loved ones always being with us, living past lives, life beyond death and the power of mystical signposts to bring people together over time and circumstance. Each story has the effect of opening up your own experience and insight in the telling.

As Emily says in the introduction:

Just as each of us is an original one-of-a-kind being, each story is a unique, authentic revelation. The common thread throughout these narratives is that they are real. That reality is evidenced by their influences on their writers’ lives.

Extraordinary encounters of ordinary people

The authors are a rich mix of people. They include retirees, authors, physicians, integrative health practitioners, neighbours, teachers, artists, intuitives, psychologists, musicians. Authors of Quiet Writing Wholehearted Stories are contributors to this volume including Penelope Love and Maura McCarley Torkildson. Most of the authors I don’t know and some authors choose to remain anonymous.

This broad range of contributing authors reinforces the message that many people experience mystical interludes. I reflected on my own mystical interludes whilst reading this book. When reading Nicole Gruel’s book, I had an encounter experience around rainbows, a recurring symbol in my life. It’s as if in the reading of such books, our awareness is raised. We review the mystical experiences in our lives. Or they start to occur!

Suzanne Giesemann echoes this in her Foreword:

I know from my own research that simply by reading other people’s other-worldly experiences, we are more likely to experience such events ourselves.

The gathering of books and connections coming together on this topic in my life might be my own Mystical Interludes story! A whole series of personal connections has intersected during this past month or so of reading about mystical interludes. Chance and random encounters between people connected around mystical experiences. New connections made like it’s a web that extends between us. It has been an extraordinary light-filled time.

Connecting with Mystical Interludes

This is the real power and spirit of Mystical Interludes II and Emily’s collection of stories. The groundswell of interest in transcendent experiences is made richer by these detailed accounts of ordinary lives suddenly taking on another form.

We know from Emily’s gathering of these 39 stories, as well as Nicole Gruel’s research, that many people have such experiences but they may not talk about them. The stigma and the feeling of not being believed means many people have stayed quiet. Clearly, as these stories show, the immediacy and impact of these experiences does not fade with time. The retelling of them gives life and energy to the spirit of the experience.

I encourage you to read Mystical Interludes II to embolden yourself to think about such experiences in your life. And to share them with others. You might find yourself reflecting on your mystical experiences – past or present – as I have. If you have had a mystical interlude of your own, you might consider contributing your story to the forthcoming Mystical Interludes III.

Emily sharing her experiences via a book talk

Leadership in telling stories

The leadership of Emily Rodavich in telling her story as a role model and inviting and supporting others to tell their stories is powerful. It would be easy for these ordinary people to shy away from telling their stories. But in Emily’s very wise and inspired hands, these stories are dusted off, shaped and gathered together into a volume that speaks volumes about the nature of mystical experiences.

Emily’s book opens with a wonderful quote from Anthony de Mello:

Story-telling to shed light and share truth is what this book is all about. These are quiet stories, gently told, as they narrate momentous happenings. It is wonderful that more authors are choosing to write and share their mystical interludes story. It’s exciting too that Emily has stepped up to provide leadership to gather, honour and help voice the experiences of others.

I feel indebted to Emily and to all the authors for taking the time to share their stories in such detail, often from hidden or long ago places. I’m sure many readers will feel this same sense of respect and honour in witnessing these long-held stories of the heart and spirit. I encourage you to also witness these stories, their brave telling and what they might teach us about ourselves and our place in the world of spirit and the mystical.

Book Giveaway

I’m hosting a giveaway of Mystical Interludes II on Instagram and Facebook! Let’s celebrate ordinary people’s mystical interludes in the light of the Virgo Full Moon!

Working together with Emily Rodavich and Citrine Publishing, we have one printed copy of Mystical Interludes II to give away, sent to you anywhere in the world.

So make sure you are following me on Instagram and/or Facebook and follow the instructions to win this book in my posts on Tuesday 19 February AEDT. Good luck!

Thought pieces + footnotes

About Emily Rodavich

Emily Rodavich, retired English teacher, mother of three and grandmother of four, had a near death experience at age eighteen. That extraordinary event opened the door to a lifetime of spiritual happenings. Unable to share those mystical experiences with most friends or family for fear they’d think her “strange,” she kept them to herself. In recent years, realizing the ways those various mystical happenings had shaped her concept of reality and her character, she wrote her memoir, Mystical Interludes: An Ordinary Person’s Extraordinary Experiences, which chronicles ten of her stunning interludes. Believing that everybody experiences mystical interludes to some degree, she invited readers to submit their stories for publication in this, her second book, Mystical Interludes II: A Collection of Extraordinary People’s Extraordinary Experiences.

At the end of her speaking engagements Emily found that people wanted to hang out and talk about their experiences. The result was the formation of the Mystical Interludes Discussion Group (MIDG) starting with eight members who met in her home for the first time in March 2017. Today the group of fifty members rents space for their monthly meetings. Emily’s mission is to do her part to support our collective spiritual evolution by bringing personal mystical events out of shadow into the light. In so doing, she foresees a day when mystical interludes will be accepted as normal human events, rather than strange or weird occurrences.

Connect with Emily by visiting the Mystical Interludes website. To express your intention to write for the next edition, click on “Share Your Experience”.

Reading Mystical Interludes II

You can use the below Amazon affiliate links to access and read Mystical Interludes II if you choose with no additional cost to you. I receive a small commission to help keep Quiet Writing efforts, book reviews and giveaways flourishing.

For Amazon.com.au:

Mystical Interludes II: Kindle

Mystical Interludes II: Paperback

For Amazon.com:

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Mystical Interludes II: Paperback

For Amazon UK:

Mystical Interludes II: Kindle

Mystical Interludes II: Paperback

Image 2, 5 & 7 provided by Emily Rodavich and used with permission and thanks.

Image 3 via Pexels.com and used with permission and thanks.

You might also enjoy:

Non-ordinary transcendent experiences: a review of ‘The Power of Notes’ by Nicole Gruel PhD

Intuition: how to understand and master it – a review of ‘The Inner Tree’ by Maura McCarley Torkildson

The journey to write here: my wholehearted story

When the inner voice calls, and calls again – my journey to wholehearted living

Tackling trauma and “not enough” with empathy and vision – a wholehearted story

Personality Stories

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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Dancing all the way – or listening to our little voice as a guide for wholehearted living

February 11, 2019

This guest post from Olivia Sprinkel is a letter in response to Heidi Washburn’s wholehearted story: When the inner voice calls, and calls again.

I am so excited by Olivia’s response and the dance between ideas and readers she invites!

I welcome any other letter style responses to wholehearted stories here on Quiet Writing any time. You can find out more about wholehearted stories guest-posting here. The links for all the stories are at the end of this post. How wonderful that we can share our stories of wholehearted living and what it means. And respond to the experiences of others as we shape our own journey. It truly warms my heart!

Enjoy this beautiful dance of ideas and how Olivia responds to Heidi’s wholehearted story!

Dear Heidi,

I read your article ‘When the inner voice calls, and calls again – my journey to wholehearted living’. I immediately wanted to respond and say ‘thank you for writing’ – and also to share my own reflections in response. I am now that woman in my mid-forties in New York that you were 30 years ago, listening to the call of my inner voice to give up my corporate job and to live life with my whole heart. It was so reassuring to read your story, and know that you had the courage to listen to that voice and to create a wholehearted life for yourself. It provided confirmation that a different way of living than the conventional one that is presented to us is possible, if we choose to follow that path.

The best piece of advice my father gave me

Writing this now, I remember that my father always used to say “Listen to your little voice”. It was probably the best piece of advice he gave me. He used to tell the story of how he had enrolled in Berkeley, as that is where his father and mother had both gone. But when he got there, his little voice told him, ‘You want to go to Stanford’. And he went and knocked on the door of the Stanford admissions officer, and ended up graduating from Stanford.

You write of how your little voice spoke to you so clearly and powerfully. It can only speak clearly if we are tuned into the hearing of it – you were ready to hear it. I’ve had a couple of other occasions when my little voice has spoken to me and my ears and body have been open for the hearing of it. There have been other occasions when undoubtedly it has spoken to me, but I have blocked it out because I didn’t want to hear – and things haven’t turned out too well.

Taking responsibility for listening to the little voice

I didn’t feel as if I had any choice but to listen to the little voice that spoke to me to send me on this particular journey. When this voice spoke it was giving me the gift of a creative idea or a creative mission. It spoke to me and said ‘Write a book “A history of the future of the world in 12 trees”. Or 10.’ (It was giving me a little bit of wiggle room.) And why did I choose to act on this, to give up my job, my New York apartment, to pursue this journey? I think it was a combination of the clarity of the idea, and the clarity of my listening. I felt that I had been gifted this idea and it was my responsibility to act on it. Not to do so would be irresponsible – both to the idea and to myself. And I am in the position to do so, with no responsibilities of family to take care of.

And writing this now, I wonder, ‘who is behind that little voice?’ As writers, we often speak about ‘finding our authentic voice’. Is our little voice that authentic piece of us that we can hear when we are tuned to the right channel, when we have done that preparatory work, that opening? I’ve had my little voice speak to me – and I’ve listened – in yoga and when I am out in nature. That morning when the idea for my tree journey appeared, I was sitting at my desk, but I had spent the weekend immersed in the beautiful woods of the Catskills at Menla.

Elizabeth Gilbert has written of how ideas are gifted to us, and if we don’t declare an interest in them, they will move on to someone else. She writes in ‘Big Magic’ of how an idea she didn’t pursue then moved on to Ann Patchett, who did act on it, and wrote a book based on the idea. This suggests that there is something larger than us that is seeking to communicate with us – and which knows us well enough to make only appropriate suggestions. I am sure whole philosophy books have been written on the subject, and someone more well informed than me can answer that question. But perhaps that is the authenticity of wholehearted living – that we are open to receiving information from the ‘whole’, rather than from a limited subset of ourselves.

Stepping into the dance

It also reminds me of a dance. That when we open ourselves to the dance of life, then we can dance in step with the universe and be open to being led by her, and be twirled and occasionally flipped head over heels and still land gracefully. I’m reminded of the dancing metaphor as I used to have a blog in the form of letters that a friend and I would write back and forth to one another, pondering life’s questions. The title of the blog was ‘Dancing All the Way’, which we decided on as we doing a multi-day walk and we wanted to dance all the way of the walk. And then Terri’s theme for the year is ‘Dance’ – so perhaps this is just a small example of how the universe wants to dance with us.

Seeing your life story as a Hero’s Journey

It’s not an easy thing to follow your little voice, as you know. You write movingly with the example of your accountant of how we are not always ready to do that. I believe that the call to a wholehearted life really is a Hero’s Journey, as Joseph Campbell has described, and which is the foundation of great myths as well as our ordinary extraordinary lives. There is the call to action, and we can choose to act on it or not. And if we do choose to accept, there will be setbacks, there will be temptations to distract us along the way, we will need to overcome challenges. But if we persevere, we will come back with a gift to offer our community. Thinking about my own story in this way helps to give me perspective. It is also reassuring for me to know that this journey will be repeated many times on different timescales, as well as providing an overarching arc for our lives, if we are fortunate enough to live into an old age and be able to look back over the distance that we have travelled.

I am at the beginning of this next stage of my journey, heading out into the unknown. All I have is an idea, and a rough itinerary. And, hopefully, my little voice to continue to guide me and ears and heart to listen.

I wish you well as your journey continues.

With love

Olivia

About Olivia Sprinkel

Olivia Sprinkel is a sustainability strategy and communications consultant, writer and photographer. She has advised some of the world’s largest companies on sustainability strategy, and been based in both London and New York. She is also a writer of poetry and creative non-fiction, and a keen photographer. She is now embarking on writing a book which brings together her sustainability expertise and creative skills to tell stories of a changing climate and nature connection. You can connect with Oliva via Instagram and her website.

Photographs by Olivia Sprinkel and used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

You might also enjoy my free 94-page ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

intuition wholehearted stories

Tackling trauma and ‘not enough’ with empathy and vision – a wholehearted story

January 30, 2019

This guest post from Maura McCarley Torkildson explores tackling trauma and feelings of “not enough” with tools of empathy and vision in her unfolding wholehearted story.

This is the 15th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

I am honoured to have Maura McCarley Torkildson as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. You might have seen my review of Maura’s book, The Inner Tree, all about intuition here on Quiet Writing. Maura and I have connected via our mutual interest and explorations into intuitive ways of working and being. In this story, Maura shares how a vision helps makes sense of intuitive, evolving life-long learning around tackling and calming trauma. Read Maura’s journey of working through trauma and feelings of “not enough’ with various tools that you can draw on too!

I met Mama Anaconda in a vision recently. What she showed me ultimately calmed my trauma. But I get ahead of myself…

The trauma of not enough

About a year ago, I realized that I had been steeping myself in “not enough.” I liberally doused myself with this tea in just about all areas of my life. I couldn’t see it. In my mind, this tea was the truth of my life – not enough money, not enough clients, not enough discipline, not enough experience, not enough recognition, and the list is endless.

Bullying and rejection from my peers in childhood formed painful memories and impacted my self-worth. Born whole, I became not enough. In many ways, I was a fortunate child, and yet rejection is one of the most hurtful experiences a human can face, belonging is so important to our well-being. A sensitive child, I was an easy target. Being teased and rejected hurt, a lot. Fast forward that into adulthood and my brain constantly looked for confirmation of rejection.

I am resilient, however, and determined. My focus on self-awareness and growth over the years meant that I worked these issues, sometimes inside and out. I sought therapy. I cultivated people who really cared about me. I worked with a mystic. I sat with trees. I cultivated presence awareness. I attended workshops and hired coaches. Sometimes I spent thousands of dollars. So how could I still be so stuck in the trauma, lack of self-worth and endless thoughts of not enough?

I wanted to be fixed. The underlying assumption was that I was never good enough, that belief an ingrained pattern in my brain. I overcame in one area of my life – only to find new areas to heal. One area healed…next, then next, then next? Truly it is wearying to feel the path to wholeness is never-ending.

Trauma and clairsentience – a fraught combination

I hadn’t realized how much I steeped myself in thoughts of not enough. Sometimes I wasn’t even aware of my pain – my gut twisted into knots, the intense forces constricting my heart, the pressure of tears behind my eyes at the slightest provocation. I am good at pushing through and denying. That method of coping perfected and served me quite well in earlier years. No, I wasn’t always in this state, but often enough to be worn down by it. Denial takes its toll. Secretly, I often wondered what was uniquely wrong with me.

I learned a thing or two over the years about what was “wrong” with me. One, I am an empath. Two, I have trauma.

As an empath (otherwise known as clairsentience) I am an extremely sensitive being. I feel deeply, and I have noticed the depth of my feeling often scares others. People shy away from my intensity. Furthermore, my body picks up on the feelings of others. It is a magnet for emotions.

I didn’t know about clairsentience until much later in life. I often felt confused about why I was feeling what I was feeling. Accused of wearing my feelings on my shoulders and judged for not being able to just move on, I hurt. I tried to hide my hurt unsuccessfully. I have the opposite a poker face. What was wrong with ME, I wondered. Our culture’s war on feelings left unquestioned as I learned I wasn’t supposed to be feeling so much. Feeling wasn’t rational. One had to buck up to be successful in life, showing and sharing feelings risked belonging.

The path to embracing my unique gifts and challenges

I finally figured out the clairsentience. Whew! What a relief to know it wasn’t all me. Being an empath is a gift and it is a challenge. The state of the world has high impact on this sensitive being. I grieve a lot and that grief can quickly transform into rage if I am not careful. I limit my access to news and stay vigilant about the direction of my thoughts. Thankfully I have learned many tools to manage both my emotions and sensitivity. I need protection.

I learned to embrace grief. Grief is the core feeling under all the challenging emotions, as they all have to do with loss. Embracing grief led to wisdom around what it means to be human. To be fully present to my emotions became grounding for me. I examine the physical manifestation of emotion and the emotion becomes guidance for my life. If things get unbearable, I tap (Emotional Freedom Tapping) and feel the energy release through the top of my head and shoulders.

Understanding trauma

I have trauma. We all have trauma. Understanding trauma is necessary for wholehearted living. I am not alone, nor is my trauma extreme. Trauma is not just the result of an injury or abuse on our body. Trauma is a reconfiguration of our nervous system. It is a pattern of hypervigilance and/or complete shutdown. It is avoidance of feelings that are overpowering and can be paralyzing.

My childhood experiences of rejection, repeated shifts in employment, toxic workplaces and financial insecurity are the root of my trauma. My brain actively looks for all the ways “not enough” shows up in my life. I became hypervigilant for “not enough,” especially after losing my job in 2012, struggling to find work in an atmosphere of ageism and trying to forge my path as a solopreneur. It all took its toll.

Trauma is our fear system gone wild. I learned that trauma gets stuck – or rather our nervous system gets stuck in these patterns and we can’t just think our way out of them. Contrary to popular sentiment – changing one’s mindset will not work unless trauma is addressed. Healing trauma can be accomplished most effectively through somatic techniques and therapies.

Becoming vigilant and shifting my consciousness

I remember the day I realized my brain was stuck, a day I almost charged another $2000 of debt, placing my hope in an external person to fix me. Fortunately, I asked for time to think about it. Setting down my phone after, I went to my oak tree in our backyard and prayed. An answer came – the realization I was steeping myself in not enough. At that moment, I finally understood no one could fix me. I needed to change from within.

I became vigilant about shifting my not enough habit. Every time not enough came up, I consciously stepped into gratitude. This practice helped me notice the good things – the abundance in my life – the beauty of my garden, the depth of my friendships, the way I somehow had just enough money to stay solvent. I built awareness of the nuances of feeling enough in my heart. Gratitude relieves the pressure of those forces which restrict my heart. It becomes feather-light and expansive.

Being conscious of gratitude is not enough to clear trauma, but it helps. Trauma gets entrenched. I needed to be vigilant. Some days were good, some not so much. Any disappointment threatened to knock me out of gratitude back into old habits. This is how trauma operates.

I used my tools – Presence Awareness, a practice which serves me by simply stopping any train of thought and rekindling my connection to Eternity and Love. When I get triggered, I reach out to friends. I found a tapping group and learned how to use tapping effectively. I discovered that tapping brought my trauma to the surface where I could see and acknowledge it, then release pent up feelings.

Vigilance is work. Tools require remembering to use them. I wished for flow. I wanted more.

Maura McCarley Torkildson

Recognizing the courage to be here

Bottom line, being human can be very challenging. We need stability and belonging. We need all those things Maslow identified on his triangle for reaching peak state. Those things are not guaranteed in this world. Loss hurts, it can be excruciating. We can easily become inured in a pattern of traumatized response to events in our life, sapping our natural joy.

And yet, I have experienced salvation so many times and so many ways. Salvation is the reminder that I am always whole, always nested in the Divine, no matter what happens here in 3D world.

The human in me struggles, will likely always struggle. I have great compassion for her. Discomfort IS the path to growth, our soul’s mission here. It’s not easy. I envision us as excited spirits descending into the womb for this experience of 3D life. Coming out of the womb a shock, as the realization of where we’ve landed hits. I imagine us screaming at God, the cries of the newborn, No…I want to go back home, but please don’t make me die to get there!

It takes great courage to be here. I think we all long for our home. The level of trauma on this planet has led us astray into perceived disconnection. I am not sure where it all began, but I am convinced it was born of trauma. Yet bliss is always right there beside us too, if only we remember to be present to it.

Enter Mama Anaconda

Mama Anaconda slithered into my visionary state. I dreamt of her a year before – an unforgettable dream that stuck with me. In that dream, she undulated her way into my bed, slid along one side of my body, around my head and down the other. I never felt frightened. I felt embraced. She made her home in my room. I knew she had chosen me for a reason. I knew I was hers.

Fast forward to my vision. Mama Anaconda arrived in technicolor vibrations matching the Digeridoo playing in the background. Surrounded by a vibrating rainbow of color, she slithered up a magnificent tree much like she had slithered along my body in my dream. Here in my vision, the reality of her more powerfully present.

Earlier in this same visionary state, I saw the structure of our lives crumbling, dissolving quickly around us. We are in the midst of collapse. I have known this for a while. This awareness is also a source of my trauma. My love for the beauty of this world and its creatures runs deep. I grieve each loss on our planetary scale extinction.

Messages from Mama Anaconda

To my grief, Anaconda said, “It is only the changing of skin,” then showed me the black viscous fluid of life force. Impossible to fully capture with words, this fluid always moves and is at the same time always completely still. A black void creating vibrating form along its edges, it makes crusts of light and color which grow and dissolve, expand and crumble as it vibrates outwards. It constantly creates a skin of light and then constantly breaks through it. I watch with awe and calm.

Next, she showed me insects and lizards shedding their skins. She showed me planets and galaxies forming and disintegrating. She said, “This is the way. Change, destruction is just a shedding of skin, nothing to be concerned about.”

I felt Her Love, I soak in it. Her love calms my trauma, soothes the grieving child in me. Creation is forever creating, and creation destroys as it creates. She exists always within everything. She is within us and we are within her. Form is ephemeral. She is eternal. I am eternal too if eternally changing.

My inner knowing is my faith. I forget to remember my faith from time to time. Salvation has come to me repeatedly in my life. Each time in different form, but always the same. I am steeped in Love, as are you.

Key book companions along the way

These are some resources that have supported me:

Daring Greatly – Brene Brown

Rising Strong – Brene Brown

The Spell of the Sensuous – David Abrams

The Body Keeps Score – Bessel Van Der Kolk

Bridging Heaven & Earth: A Return to The One – Leonard Jacobsen

Women in Praise of the Sacred – Jane Hirshfield (Editor)

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek – Annie Dillard

The Fall – Steve Taylor

Return of the Divine Sophia – Tricia McCannon

The Presence of the Past – Rupert Sheldrake

The Lens of Perceptions – Hal Zina Bennett

The Once & Future Goddess – Elinor Gadon

About Maura McCarley Torkildson

Maura McCarley Torkildson is an author, speaker, artist, intuitive and coach. She is the founder of Maura Torkildson Coaching and she supports clients to fully embody their intuition, embrace emotions as guidance for living and to overcome barriers to self-trust. From a place of self-trust, clients can create with abandon. Maura mentors clients through expressing their unique talents through writing, art or workbooks. She is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach and has an M.A. in Women’s Spirituality from New College of California. Her artwork has been exhibited in both the U.S. and Malta. Find her at www.mauratorkildsoncoaching.com or on Facebook.

Photograph attribution as follows and used with permission and thanks.

Images 5, 8 – Maura McCarley Torkildson
Images 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 – Fotolia.com

Keep in touch + free ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences – a review of ‘The Power of NOTEs’ by Nicole Gruel, PhD

January 18, 2019

Want to learn more about Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences? ‘The Power of NOTEs’ will help you understand and work with them as a source for transformation. Read on!

NOTEs are an important aspect of the human experience that help point towards and awaken the desire, curiosity, and courage to explore more of what life could be.

from The Power of NOTEs by Nicole Gruel PhD

Nicole Gruel PhD

Have you ever experienced something that felt out of the ordinary, super-charged or transcendent, that changed your life in some key way?

Many of us have, yet it’s an area of human experience we tend not to talk about. Often this is because we don’t quite understand what happened. We keep quiet, often for years, as we try to make sense of it and what it meant. It’s frequently a solitary, and sometimes, painful journey. But more people are beginning to talk about these non-ordinary transcendent experiences however they manifest. They are emerging as sources of positive transformation and personal power if we pay attention, talk about them and work through them.

Dr Nicole Gruel’s new book, ‘The Power of NOTEs: How Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences Transform the Way We Live, Love and Lead‘ is an important, research-based contribution to the field of spiritual psychology and transformation.

After a near-death experience and the sudden loss of family members, Nicole found herself deep in the realm of non-ordinary transcendent experiences. In particular, she learnt their power for positive change.

Nicole has gone on to explore NOTEs deeply including via PhD studies. Her Doctoral Dissertation focused on “AfterNOTEs: Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences and their Aftereffects Through Jung’s Topology”. This involved interviewing people who had experienced NOTES and working through the psychological dimensions of their response. This deep qualitative and quantitative research, combined with personal experience and NOTEs community connection, provides the rich source material that this excellent, practical book is woven around.

So what are NOTEs?

A non-ordinary transcendent experience is a rare and unfamiliar event that takes you beyond your regular understanding of yourself and the world.

from The Power of NOTES

An acronym created by transpersonal psychologist William Braud, ‘NOTE’ captures experiences at the intersection of “paranormal research, exceptional human experiences, and transpersonal psychology.” (p3). Well-known examples include near-death experiences and paranormal encounters, but the scope of NOTEs is much wider and more inclusive than this.

In the opening chapter, Nicole explains that she groups over 500 potential NOTEs into nine categories, such as Death-related experiences, Encounter experiences, and Mystical experiences. Nicole describes each category of NOTEs, helping the reader to connect with their own personal database of experiences.

What is the power of NOTEs?

The power of NOTEs is realising their potential for our growth and insight. Nicole explains the ability of NOTEs to take us out of ourselves and our habitual ways of being:

For many experiencers, tasting our core self is the greatest gift of a NOTE. (p7)

It is a type of disruption forcing our attention in new ways and often taking some time to integrate. This is often because societal and cultural contexts make it hard for us to talk about them. Nicole explores this with examples from the lives of experiencers. She shows too that NOTEs offer wisdom and insight that has implications beyond the individual.

Greater wisdom calls for us to access the insights of NOTEs as best we can, for these experiences provide a necessary lens into other ways of seeing and being in the world. (p9)

Research shows that when people share NOTEs, it has many benefits for individual wellbeing, such as reducing stress. Nicole has made it her mission to help people share and understand NOTEs as part of the human and collective experience.

The landscape of NOTEs

I had the pleasure of attending the online launch of Nicole’s book recently, where we had a virtual tour through the book. We also heard from leaders and writers in the NOTEs community. These experiences, alongside reading the book, have helped me better understand the landscape of NOTEs.

The book explores NOTEs from all perspectives including the dark and light sides of being an experiencer and from the viewpoint of neuroscience. Nicole scopes neuroscience perspectives and evidence that shows we are hard-wired to experience NOTEs.

A fellow personality type practitioner, Nicole also looks through the personality lens at the gifts of NOTEs:

NOTEs are powerful because they put us on the fast track toward a fuller expression of who we most naturally and uniquely are.

Research shows that the specific content of a near-death experience, its impact and significance is influenced by people’s personal psychology.

Connecting NOTEs experiences with Jung’s eight psychological types, Nicole explores eight gifts or transcendent dimensions of personality using James Graham Johnston’s model of the Gift’s Compass™. For example, Introverted Thinking (Ti) connects with The Conceptual Gift.

Using this lens of personality, Nicole explains that:

Experiencer stories show that the more the natural or true self is made available through NOTEs, the more a person’s dominant personality preferences take on transcendent aspects. (p40)

This ground-breaking perspective, informed by conversations with NOTEs experiencers, helps provide psychological insights into these transcendent events.

Working and transforming with NOTEs

The second half of the book explores NOTEs as clues to our natural flow states; ways to work with NOTEs during and beyond experiences; and how NOTEs can be a transformative power in how we live, love and lead.

Each chapter provides practical tips and practices for working with NOTEs as a transformative power source. Nicole shows how we can create a NOTEs biography and Well-being Wheel, with these tools based on recent, pioneering research and experiences of people actively working on integrating NOTEs into life stories. The self-leadership framework highlights the importance of validating and appropriately sharing NOTEs.

Ultimately, no one is a better coach and guide for you than you. (p62)

The power of love and legacy are keys to the self-leadership experience of working with NOTEs in a personally transformative way.

The experience of reading The Power of NOTEs

I encourage you to read The Power of NOTEs. It is beautifully and clearly written, full of lived and researched wisdom. As Katie Mottram puts it so well in her foreword:

This is not just a book; Nicole has gifted you an experience.

I couldn’t agree more. As if to highlight this, I had a transcendent experience during my reading of the book.

I realised my experiences of NOTEs are mostly in the Encounter experiences category: a kind of synchronicity related to “something wondrous or awesome, like a spectacular view or moving music...” Many years ago, I had a series of astounding synchronistic events with rainbows at a peak time of change and transformation. They had a profound effect on me as rainbow after rainbow connected in an ongoing narrative.

I started Nicole’s book in the early morning hours of a sleepless night two days away from Christmas, the first anniversary of my mother’s death. A few hours later, still restless, I got up early and headed out to the deck. There the most stunning rainbow greeted me in the sky. Rainbows are something I connect with my mother and also my father. I chose songs and poems with the symbolism of rainbows for both their funerals as a way of continuing to connect with them.

My experience of reading the book, reflecting on my own NOTEs symbolism, seemed to open up this connection. It would have been so easy to miss this rainbow.

Connecting with the power of NOTEs

Reading this book will help you connect with the power of NOTEs in your life. As the ‘Praise’ upfront in the book, the Foreword and the online book launch all show, there is a groundswell of research, interest and support in the area of non-ordinary transcendent experiences.

Organisations such as the International Spiritual Emergence Network (ISEN), American Center for the Integration of Spiritually Transformative Experiences (ACISTE), the International Association for Near Death Studies (IANDS) and the Near Death Experience Research Foundation (NDERF) provide a touchpoint for experiences and research around them. You can find further links and information here.

More authors are stepping up to write their stories and gather, honour and structure the experiences of others as Nicole has done. You might like to read my book review of Mystical Interludes II – a Collection of Ordinary People’s Mystical Experiences, collected and edited by Emily Rodavich. The Power of NOTES and Mystical Interludes II came to me in a synchronistic way, at the same time from unique connections but covering similar terrain.

Read Nicole Gruel’s book to recognise, honour and structure such experiences in your life and also in the lives of those you love. If you have had a NOTE, this book can help others share in and understand your experience. Likewise, if you think someone you know may have experienced a NOTE, this book is a useful way to open the conversation or quietly support them. For counsellors, coaches and other professional people, this is an important resource to open up thoughts about spiritually transformative experiences in practice.

And as I finish writing, I hear the sounds of the children next door playing under the water sprinkler in the Sydney midsummer heat. One excitedly shouts: “There’s a rainbow!”

Thought pieces + footnotes

Dr Nicole Gruel is an author, speaker and transformational coach. Descendant from a long line of samurai, she has spent over two decades exploring human potential. You can connect with her at DrNicoleGruel.com.

The Power of NOTES was provided as a review copy by the author in return for a fair review. I am grateful to Dr Nicole Gruel for sharing this book with me.

To purchase, you can use the below link.

For Amazon.com.au:

The Power of NOTEs: Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences Transforming the Way We Live, Love, and Lead

Image 1 (feature image), 2 & 5 provided by Nicole Gruel and used with permission and thanks.

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“You are the authority on you”: a review of Danielle LaPorte’s White Hot Truth

Being ‘Fierce on the Page’ – a book review

Being a vessel – or working with introverted intuition

36 Books that Shaped my Story – Reading as Creative Influence

When the inner voice calls, and calls again – my journey to wholehearted livings

How to read for more creativity, productivity and pleasure

Keep in touch

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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A mystical interlude, which resonates in the heart, can remind us of our spirituality and our connectedness to each other. This is why it is meaningful to take heed.

Reading Mystical Interludes II

Ordinary people’s extraordinary stories

Overwhelming openness to experience

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Leadership in telling stories

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Thought pieces + footnotes

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Reading Mystical Interludes II

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NOTEs are an important aspect of the human experience that help point towards and awaken the desire, curiosity, and courage to explore more of what life could be.

So what are NOTEs?

What is the power of NOTEs?

The landscape of NOTEs

Working and transforming with NOTEs

The experience of reading The Power of NOTEs

Connecting with the power of NOTEs

Thought pieces + footnotes

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