wisdom

Never too old + countering the “too old” story

It can be really easy to slip into thinking we are too old to start new things and step into the work of our dreams.

Whether it be writing that book you’ve always wanted to write, becoming a coach, being more visible on social media or getting back to exercise. We need to counter the “too old” story we can tell ourselves.

I’ve learnt that, apart from the most extreme circumstances, you are never too old to find the courage and skill to empower your dreams. I know because I’ve had to overcome many moments of feeling too old as I’ve worked on this journey to become a life coach, learn new skills, start a new business and write a book.

In this post, I share my experiences, resources and the stories of others to help you realise you are never too old to find the courage and skill to live your dreams.

Never too old to start over + become a coach

It’s a great honour to be featured in the inspired COACH Magazine with my piece Starting Over as a Life Coach at age 55. This tells my story of what it’s like to start over later in life as a life coach. I also provide some tips for others embarking on this or similar journeys. Having a beginner’s mind is one of the key messages I cover:

Retain a beginner’s mind, alongside your experience, to keep you grounded, humble, open and growing in wisdom.

My buddy coach, Jeanette Buchanan, is on the cover and I am so thrilled for her. We have been on this journey together as women in our mid 50’s supporting each other, constantly reminding ourselves that we are the perfect age for this journey. As we both share in different ways in our pieces, the myriad life and work experiences and skills we bring helps make us fantastic coaches.  We can relate, we have often “been there” and we’ve built our skills along the way. Bringing our body of work to bear, and being positive and open, we are able to help others along the path of their dreams. Whether it’s becoming a life coach, writing a book or starting a business, we are living examples of how to live your change.

So read the Wisdom issue of inspired COACH Magazine. It’s a free subscription magazine available at this link. My friend Debbie Fowler is also there with a fabulous piece on The Wisdom of Older Coaches and Hosting Retreats. With pieces also by Melissa Jeffcott, Christine Rose Elle, Ellie Swift and Sas Petherick, it makes inspiring reading. But read on here too for my further thoughts on countering that “too old” thinking!

Never too old to be coached

You might also think you are too old to be coached. Gaining all that life wisdom and experience that getting older brings, there can be a tendency to think we don’t need support. Self-leadership is important and it’s an area I focus on in my coaching. But we can’t do it all ourselves. My learning is that life coaching is an integral support for making major change. Life transitions typically involve big changes in identity and coaching can help us navigate these tender times.

When I decided I needed to shift from my work role of 30 years, the very first thing I did, on day one, was reach out to my friend and coach Victoria Smith. Victoria coached me, via a coaching series over 3 months, through the very vulnerable first phases of this time. So yes, you feel vulnerable, you feel a bit foolish at times and you feel you should know how to do all this. But you also need to honour that it’s tough and deep work changing the way you’ve defined yourself for a long time.

Coaching is a critical bridge to tap into our inner wisdom at such times. We often can’t do it all ourselves, just as we discover at many challenging points in life. As I share in my story about life coaching and making meaning in times of transition, coaches have been critical supports on my journey. So don’t be proud. You can have a beginner’s mind and tons of experience. And together with coaching support, you can go a long way setting a robust and supportive framework for the long haul.

Never too old to learn new skills

Another mantra we can occasionally indulge in is that we are too old to learn new skills. I’m here to tell you from my experience of 30 plus years as an adult educator and life coach that you can learn new skills all through life. I’ve had to learn so many new skills along this journey: blogging, website and social media skills, how to set up a new business, writing a book, becoming a coach, Search Engine Optimisation. And I chose special skills as well such as the intuitive art of tarot and personality skills, becoming a Jung/Myers-Briggs personality practitioner.

Many of the women I’ve coached have embraced learning skills to set them up for a new life or extension of their current one. They’ve taken their body of work forward in new ways. As you can see on my testimonials page, women have taken up new courses like Masters in Creative Writing and coaching programs. They’ve tackled ‘imposter syndrome’ and developed intuitive skills, applied for higher level positions and set up foundations for new ways of working. They have also grappled with  long-standing challenges like finding the right form of exercise and enjoying it! Others have explored social media and blogging and the right personal focus to be more active and productive. Gaining skills in each of these examples was a critical step in moving towards the vision for their life. Moreover, learning new skills is a fantastic way to keep your brain sharp and agile through-out life.

Never too old to start a business

Starting a new business or becoming an entrepreneur might seem like a job for the young too. But data provides some interesting findings about typical start-up founders:

For one thing, they were more likely to be in their late 30s and 38% of founders were actually over 40.

They also discovered that people who had stayed in a job for a long time were more likely to go on to start their own business.

There is encouragement for people like me who have had a 30 plus year career in one organisation or type of work:

Contrary to conventional wisdom, being ‘stuck’ in the same company or position for a long time, even a decade, does not diminish your likelihood of becoming a business founder,” says Ms Morrill.

Turns out the skills we have already developed in staying the course can also be applied to doing new things. Valuing your body of work over time as it evolves enables you to shape a new career or business. Learning new skills and bringing forward what you’ve already learnt as a basis for negotiating new circumstances is a winning combination.

Never too old to write a book

Writing is my passion and superpower, my authentic heart that makes me shine. So a long-held desire has been to write a book. I’ve had articles, work-related books and poems published. But I really want to write a book, non-fiction first then a novel. For years I’ve been gearing up, listening to podcasts and reading articles on writing and self-publishing from inspiring people a step (or many steps) ahead like The Creative Penn.

This past year, I was excited to get the first draft of my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership Strategies for Women in Transition written, mostly during NaNoWriMo. I finished the first draft in September this year. Those 84,000 words are currently marinating and resting. Soon, I will edit them for the next stage of this work before it finds its way into the world.

Examples of older writers and their first book

In all of this, there has been a constant undercurrent of “you’re too old” coming from some voice inside me with an ideal version of what age is the right one to write and publish a book. It’s been  empowering to see reminders that many famous authors were not young when they first published. In What’s Stopping You, Allison K. Williams reflects on her tweet that went viral:

Toni Morrison: 40
Mark Twain: 41
Marcel Proust: 43
Henry Miller: 44
JRR Tolkien: 45
Raymond Chandler: 51
Richard Adams: 52
Annie Proulx: 57
Laura Ingalls Wilder: 65
Frank McCourt: 66
Harriett Doerr: 74
Harry Bernstein: 96
No, you’re not too old to publish your first book.

— Allison K Williams (@GuerillaMemoir) August 19, 2018

I love that one of my favourite authors, Annie Proulx, published her first book at 57, the age I am now. That was super inspiring to read. It’s not too late, I told myself. Allison also reflects on how we need to have courage and look at what is stopping us from writing:

Let’s tell it to ourselves, too. Let’s ask, What’s stopping me from writing? and be brave enough to let go.

It’s true. We need courage to let go of what’s not helping us to get that writing done. Whatever age we are!

Courage, skills and being of service

Beautiful You Coaching Academy CEO Julie Parker says in her editorial to the inspired COACH Magazine Wisdom issue:

I also know that anyone who chooses to train to become a life coach and start a business later in life – has bucket loads of courage…. That’s saying–”I totally back myself. I’ve got this and so much more of my life to live and give. I am here in service.”

I so nodded and held my heart when I read those wise and empathetic words from Julie. It does take courage, new skills and constant self-reminders that we have so much to “live and give“. We also need to remember that’s it’s not all just about us.

If there’s one thought that will help lift us up to a wider vantage point, it is remembering that we are of value in being in service to others. It’s about sharing what we have learnt through experience, supporting others just as we have been supported. Shining a light just as others shine a light for us. Being a wayfinder as my friend Diana Frajman, of Crone Confidence, reminds us:

So if you have already made the shift and are out ahead of the herd, blazing new trails leading towards this change, then you are a Wayfinder. It is not enough to stand on the cusp alone. Use the curiosity that got you to this spot, provide the answers to others for the questions you have already asked, but most of all, clear the trail and light the path so that others can also find their way forward.

What are you never too old to do right now?

So have a think about what you might be telling yourself about being “too old”. Love to know your thoughts so we can all shine a light for each other. Here are a few prompts:

• What stories are you telling yourself about what you are “too old” to do right now?
• Who says? And how are you going to counter that?
• What are you going to find the courage and skill to do right now?
• What’s stopping you and how can you tackle that?
• Which skills would you love to hone to take you forward?
• How can you be more courageous and bold in your work in the world?
• Where can you shine a light and be of service to others?

And if you are looking for a coach to work with you to light the way, I’d love to be that coach for you!

Here are some more inspirational reads to light your way:

Crone Quotes from Crone Confidence

5 Reasons to be Glad You’re a Late Bloomer 

Later Bloomer – Creativity Never Gets Old

Keep in touch

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story! 

And download the 10 Tips for Creating More Meaning and Purpose in Your Life Personal Action Checklist. Get moving!