love, loss & longing wholehearted stories

The Silent Whispers of my Mind – Journeying from fragmented to wholehearted

September 16, 2021

This guest post from Valerie Lewis shows how learning to listen to the silent whispers of our mind can help us shift from feeling fragmented to more wholehearted living.

This is the 23rd guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here–the invitation is open.

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I’m honoured to have Valerie Lewis as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Valerie and I met when she joined me as a coaching client in the Sacred Creative Collective. In this story, Valerie shares how tragic life circumstances affected her so deeply. And how she moved through grief and feeling fragmented to connecting the pieces of herself through listening within. Thank you for sharing your story, Valerie.

The Silent Whispers of my Mind – Journeying from fragmented to wholehearted

My only child was killed at the age of seven. Amongst the shock and disbelief of what had happened and feeling as if I had been thrust into some horrific, unimaginable nightmare, as the days and months passed by, my mind felt so jumbled and filled with chatter. One minute my mind would tell me I couldn’t cope or I didn’t know how to think or couldn’t think straight. Sometimes at night when all was silent around me, my mind would tell me it was all a very bad dream and tomorrow I would wake up and my life would be as it was before and back to normal.

There was one time, though, when a voice, which seemed different and to come from a deeper place within my head and upper body emitting a warmth and calmness which I temporarily felt (as it spoke), assured me I would get through this. Afterwards, I was to wonder if I had actually had this thought or not because I couldn’t determine whether the voice that had spoken was in my head or outside of it.

Life can be scary

We all get scared and want to turn away, but it isn’t always strength that makes you stay. Strength is also making the decision to change your destiny.
~ Zoraida Córdova

During this painfully surreal time, I had a lot of decisions to make, some minor and many major, and there were practical tasks to be attended to. Some of my biggest decisions revolved around the fact that I was no longer who I used to be. Indeed, who was I now? I can look back and realise that the voice within my head, you know, the one I said felt as if it came from a deeper place within me, the whispering voice that was calm, matter-of-factly and assuring, really came to the fore (not sure why—maybe I was just more sensitive and receptive), and guided me in some of my decision-making (such as the decision to file for divorce and also officially change back to my maiden surname).

Of course, sometimes it was a battle, as the internal monologue was overwhelming. It was as if diverse thoughts vied for attention. Thoughts of the past, thoughts about the present, thoughts about the future that could have, should have been and thoughts about a future that I couldn’t really define, visualise or even fantasise about. Fear and an overwhelming sadness were predominant emotions during that time. But there was also a strong will to make it through that existed within me as I embarked on my journey to discover who I now was and the eventual decision to move away and create a new life for myself in another city. I was not to know then that my ‘journey’ was a journey of self-leadership and would involve so much discovering and learning.

A fragmented life

There were times when I felt too scared to look ahead to the future. The future I had envisaged and had been working towards was now a shattered dream. Many of the tangibles in my life were no longer there in the form I had previously known them – my husband (was committed to a secure hospital for the manslaughter under diminished responsibility of our daughter, and diagnosed as schizophrenic), my daughter, our home, our car, even our cat Smokey – our relationship was now different as he was ‘adopted’ by an aunt and uncle and was no longer ‘my cat’ as such. Even the non-tangibles – routine and familiarity were now changed.

I no longer felt whole. I and my life were fragmented, with many of the pieces, like a jigsaw, now no longer there. Would I ever wake up one day and my heart not hurt so much? And would I someday feel happy again, and how was it even possible for a human being to shed so many tears? Would I ever become a whole person again and when would it happen – next month, next year, in five, ten years or never? How would I know, how would I feel then?

Feeling my feelings

When I said I didn’t know how to move forward, not necessarily in a practical sense, but in the way I felt and dealt with my feelings, someone suggested to just take each day as it came. It made sense to me. Instinct told me that to survive, I had to go through what I had to go through. I had to feel the feelings I felt. There was no other way if I wanted to remain sane. I would get through this. The calm, matter-of-factly voice had whispered that one time to me. No matter what the other voices said, I needed to hold on to these particular words and the lesson I was learning, that it is best to not ignore feelings (emotional states).

Somehow, we have to find ways to go through them. Sure, we can try to circumvent them, but feelings are pretty tenacious and can be quite slippery. They can sneak back into our minds and bodies and cause us to remain stuck with hurt and grief or to become ill.

One book, gifted to me by a dear friend in 1988, ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, by the now deceased Susan Jeffers was perhaps the first ‘self-help’ book I devoured as I sought guidance on how to deal with my inner fears and confront and cope with life’s challenges.

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them—that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
~ Lao Tzu

The silent whispers of my mind—my inner wise Sage

It was some years later that I really grasped and understood that my silent whisperer, the one that stood out (and still does) as differing from the other whisperers, was my intuition. This developed during the late ’90’s and early noughties. I became familiar with energy healing (namely Reiki); explored astrology, colour therapy, crystals, tarot and oracle cards; embraced creativity and journaling; and read many more self-help/personal development books. I also gained a better understanding of my personality as an introvert and thus my natural inclination to go within to seek answers and understand the world and my existence within it. Personal development classes with someone I now look back on as a mentor type figure, and also some spiritual development classes also helped to integrate this realisation.

My calm, silent whisperer does not repeat their initial message – they say it once. Sometimes they don’t even speak. I just have a deep sense of ‘knowing’, or some might say, ‘a calling’, a feeling which seems to fill my upper body. This is unlike the everyday mind chatter or internal monologue that goes on in our head. That calm whispered message or deep sense of ‘knowing’ can occur ages before I’m in a position to act on it. This is to the point that as time goes by, I start to question if it really happened because the other voices have started to interfere and jostle to make their point of view known and dissuade me, or life gets in the way.

Trusting the silent whisperer

I trusted the silent whisperer’s message without question a couple of years or so after when I met the person who is my partner now and moved in with him, after being hesitant about sharing a home with someone. Another example is from 2014, when I felt called to track down and contact the woman whose personal development classes I’d attended over 10 years previously. I was pleased that although now retired and not actively marketing her services, she was happy to work on a one-to-one basis with me providing directional support and using guided meditation to reconnect with my inner self.

Follow the tugs that come from the heart. I think that everyone gets these gentle urges and should listen to them. Even if they sound totally insane, they may be worth going with.
~ Victoria Moran

I’ve trusted the messages of the silent whisperer when it has seemed to make sense, but sometimes the scenario that plays out makes little sense. Life has presented me with more challenges and no clear route on that path. I’ve had to learn (AND am still learning) to trust that in time (maybe even many years later), the road would become clear, things fall into place and the initial messages would make sense.

Who am I?

I can’t remember why or how I came to purchase my first deck (Rider Waite). Or the book that I also purchased the year before my 40th birthday and spent many hours studying (Principles of Tarot by Evelyne and Terry Donaldson) still on my quest to discover more about myself and journey towards becoming whole and less fragmented. Evelyne and Terry say that “it is not so much what is ‘in the cards’, as what we ourselves are able to see in them”. Also that ‘the Tarot is really a set of windows through which we can look at life from a different perspective.’ Two of my favourite cards are the High Priestess and Empress – archetypes which I feel represent my inner and outer self.

High Priestess
The High Priestess is the Goddess within. She is the feminine principle, the Yin, the receptive side. She represents the intuition. She shows us the path to realisation is reached by overcoming our own self-doubts, and by listening more trustingly to our own feelings and intuitions.
Empress
The Empress teaches us how to love. It is love that makes our lives unfold and grow. As opposed to the High Priestess, the Empress represents the physical (tangible) world. The Empress is there to show us how we can learn about emotions and feelings through self-expression.
Extracted from the ‘Principles of Tarot’ book

Self-expression and intuition

I feel more whole but keep on growing and becoming even more whole. For a good while, intuitive abstract painting has intrigued me and, a couple of years ago I decided to give it a go. The painting above ‘Floating’ reflects the words of the below quote and combines, for me, the two tarot archetypes:

In this life, your so called ordinary life, you must be rooted; and in your inner space, in the spiritual life, you must be weightless and flying, flowing and floating.
~ Rajneesh

Below is ‘Pink Haze’. She serves as a reminder that our life issues are rarely a monochrome black or white. What is in between those two colours, especially in times of transition, if we learn to listen to our intuition, can inspire and guide us onto a path that is true to who we are being/becoming and to living a life that is wholehearted and authentic.

My experience has shown me it is not always a straightforward path. There may be a circling back, dips, curves, stumbling blocks and so forth as we journey along this path we call life. The truth is, we are all born with intuitive abilities. We use intuition (hear those silent whispers or feel it within our bodies) every day of our lives, some more than others, but often we might be unaware of having done so.

Through perhaps fear, listening to the many voices (inner critic or ego), we ‘rationalise’ or dismiss what we have intuited. It often becomes easier to turn to others for help and guidance. But ultimately—the answers we seek are within us—and we already know what we need to do (even if we think we don’t)—to live life with a mind and soul more wholehearted and less fragmented.

Key book companions along the way

Just a few of the many books that have made an impact on me and my journey:

Feel the Fear (And Do It Anyway)—Susan Jeffers (1987)

The Successful Self (Freeing Our Hidden Inner Strengths)—Dorothy Rowe (1988)

Principles of Tarot—Evelyne and Terry Donaldson (1996)

The Magic Path of Intuition—Florence Scovel Shinn (2013)

The Artists Way—Julia Cameron (1992)

Tune In (Let Your Intuition Guide You to Fulfilment And Flow)—Sonia Choquette (2013) extract free with Spirit and Destiny Magazine

Healing Grief (Reclaiming Life After Any Loss)—James Van Praagh (2000)

Love is in The Earth (A Kaleidoscope of Crystals)—Melody (1995)

I am Diva (Every Woman’s Guide to Outrageous Living)—Elena Bates, Maureen O’Crean, Molly Thompson, Carilyn Vaile (1999)

Inspiration Sandwich (Stories to Inspire our Creative Freedom)—Sark (1992)

About Valerie Lewis

Valerie Lewis is a multipassionate 60plus pro ager. Through grief coaching and personal growth facilitation, she supports and empowers those who are lost and confused with the direction they want to take following a significant life event that has impacted them and their sense of self. Her interests include being an intuitive reader, Reiki and crystals practitioner and avid creative dabbler.

You can connect with Valerie at her website Visualise and Bloom or via Instagram @visualiseandbloom You can also read an interview with Valerie on her transition journey.

Photographs by Valerie Lewis, used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch

Quiet Writing is on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter so keep in touch and interact with like-minded and kindred souls in the Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

wholehearted stories writing

Women’s stories and their uplifting value in wholehearted living

August 30, 2021

Other women’s stories helped me on my journey to wholehearted living and have so much to offer you. Telling your story can be healing and also light the way for others.

In the writing and publication of Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition, I’m highlighting people who’ve been a shining light and support on the writing, living and publishing journey.

Stories of Wholehearted Living

First up, here is the most amazing group of women – authors of Stories of Wholehearted Living guest posts on Quiet Writing.

As I went through my journey to living more wholeheartedly, I wanted to hear other women’s voices. Feeling alone and only hearing my voice, it was important to hear what other women had been through. I wanted to know what helped them to shift and integrate life experiences and learning towards living more fully. And I wanted to share this with other women to inspire their journeys and wholehearted lives.

In the middle of 2017, when I was also writing the first draft of my Wholehearted book, I reached out to women I knew. I offered women in my community the opportunity to step forward to write their story.

‘Wholehearted’ emerged as a focus when listening to a Magic Lessons podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert speaking to Mark Nepo. They chat with Cecilia, who lost heart about her writing because of not being accepted into MFA programs. Mark Nepo reads from his poem Breaking Surface which begins ‘Let no one keep you from your journey.’

My book Wholehearted and the Stories of Wholehearted Living all centre around this theme of getting to what is important and not letting others or ourselves stop us. They are women’s stories and voices sharing experiences of challenge, transition, insight and how they moved through to claim wholeness, creativity and strength.

This body of women’s stories has grown over the past few years since then. I’m working on stories with new authors whose stories are imminent. The invitation is always open. The guest posting is a supported writing experience. I bring my writing, teaching, coaching and editing skills together to help you craft your draft into a published story you can feel proud of.

How other women’s stories helped mine

As I was writing Wholehearted, I revisited these stories shared and crafted together. Some feature in the Wholehearted book. These women’s stories and voices inspire me each day, helping me see common connections in experiences. I hope they can help you too because it supports us all to hear other women’s experiences. We feel less alone when we can read another’s story that connects to ours.

Reading of another’s journey through challenging times can give us hope and practical tips. Each author also shares the books and other influences that provided women and insight as they moved towards feeling more whole and wholehearted.

These women’s stories share common themes and strategies like:

how to listen to our inner voice.
the learning from and working through grief and trauma.
how to write our way through and journey with writing.
what transition looks like.
the resources and learning that can help us gain strength and insight.
how art can help us and others heal.
practical strategies to get back to what matters and centre it in our lives.
how we deal with the toughest challenges in our lives.

Each story tells the author’s journey over time, moving through the challenging middle time of change towards a fuller life.

Turning points in our lives

There are often turning points in our lives when transition takes hold and our lives shift.

For me, it was not being given the opportunity to do a job I felt well suited for in a very changeable work environment where I was struggling to find my place. It sent a powerful message about being out of place and lost with the gap in alignment between myself and the organisation growing. After that, so much changed, and I reached out to a coach for help to make a journey of transition from the long-term government role to a new life. This is the story I share in my Wholehearted book.

Wholehearted story author Heidi Washburn tells of travelling home one day when she experiences a voice speaking to her.

A quiet, gentle but firm voice, not just a thought.
‘I don’t want to do this anymore.‘
What?
‘I said! I don’t want to do this anymore.‘
What do you mean? You have to. You just got the business where you want it. You have staff, an office and now you can do the more creative work. Isn’t that what you wanted?
That was the end of the conversation. Or so I thought.
After that night, after that very moment, everything changed, but so quietly and slowly I hardly noticed. Of course, I was the one deciding. However, I didn’t know where I was going or what the path was. Deep change doesn’t come with a check-list or a schedule. And there is no guarantee that things will work out for the best.
From ‘When the inner voice calls, and calls again‘

How other women’s stories can light the way

Reading other women’s stories can light the way and help us not feel so alone. Each story offers an experience you can relate to and learn from.

Lynn Hanford-Day tells in Breakdown to Breakthrough of getting to the point of a breakdown before making change. Her sacred geometry and mandala art became the way through, and this continues as a sacred creative practice in her life. You can see her beautiful work and process on Instagram.

Katherine Bell went through a huge life transition, leaving behind her country, job and marriage after gaining courage from reading ‘David Whyte’s Crossing the Unknown Sea’. She shows us Our Heart Always Knows the Way.

Penelope Love tells her story of her Journey to Write Here and how writing in various forms has helped her navigate so much wisely.

Sally Morgan tells a story of Writing the Way Through and trusting her writing practice in the seasons of her life, especially when she loses her voice for an extended time.

Bek Ireland goes on personal retreats in her own town to shape the quiet she craves and to hear her inner wisdom. She tells her story in The courageous magic of a live unlived.

Shalagh Hogan explains how she gathers her lessons over time, doing the hard inner work and integrating learning to shape wholehearted Creative Soul Living.

Many women form their versions of what wholehearted living looks like to them with their own language, like Sylvia Barnowski’s Maps to Self. These powerful insights from other women’s stories help shape our journey to wholehearted living.

Thank you to these women for stories shared on Quiet Writing

So thank you to: Katherine Bell, Elizabeth Milligan, Colleen Reagon, Jade Herriman, Lynn Hanford-Day, Kerstin Pilz, Shalagh Hogan, Chantal Simon, Amie Ritchie, Sylvie Kirsch, Penelope Love, Sylvia Barnowski, Heidi Washburn, Maura McCarley Torkildson, Olivia Sprinkel, Bek Ritchie, Emily Lewis, Lisa Dunford, Kamsin Kaneko, Dawne Gowrie Zetterstrom, Sally Morgan and Valerie Lewis.

Thank you for sharing your wholehearted story, creativity, life hacks, special reads and learning from challenging times to inspire our journeys. You’ve all helped mine immensely and you’re stitched into the pages of Wholehearted.

📖 Head to Stories of Wholehearted Living to read more about the project and the guest posts. Or click on the individual names of authors above.
✍️ If you would like to contribute as a guest post author, pop over to Wholehearted Stories to read the invitation.

wholehearted stories — Stories of Wholehearted Living

Book and light photo by Nong Vang on Unsplash

Books writing

Cognitive Science Writing Tips from Anne Janzer’s The Writer’s Process

August 16, 2021

You hone the craft of writing through practice; it does not arise from understanding the mind alone. But the practice is easier and more enjoyable when you approach it in a way that complements your mind’s behavior.

Anne Janzer, The Writer’s Process

My friend and writing buddy Beth Cregan recommended Anne Janzer’s The Writer’s Process, so I downloaded the audiobook and listened on my travels. I loved it! Then I bought the ebook and worked through it again closely for a presentation on personality and writing. Recently the beautiful hard copy arrived because I want this book close by to inspire me as I write and so I can read it again and again.

As it has inspired me so much, I share a few insights from the book here and encourage you to read it!

I’ve read MANY books about writing over the years. What I love about The Writer’s Process is that it looks at the cognitive aspects of writing. Drawing on research from cognitive science, Anne Janzer helps us understand how the brain works in the writer’s process. With that insight, we can work more consciously in partnership with our brain in our creative processes. We can craft our own writer’s process and actively guide our creativity in a more informed and self-aware way.

The more mysterious aspects of writing, the numinous, the inspiration, the moments when the blood flows and the writing is white hot are exciting. But that is just one part of the process to be combined with other more structural and pragmatic elements. Working in a metacognitive way with our brain through all steps of the writer’s process is a practical way to create what we desire to shape.

Here are a few key tips from The Writer’s Process – but read the book in its entirety! It’s a gift of insight from Anne Janzer to writers and creatives.

Know and use your inner gears

Janzer explains two key inner gears in the writer’s process: the Scribe and the Muse.

If you’ve worked through a long-haul writing journey, as I have with my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition, you will know the parts that make up the writer’s process feel very different. Some steps like crafting those first creative insights are more aligned to the Muse. Other steps like editing and proofreading are more the work of the Scribe.

Getting clear on these two different perspectives and their associated writing skills has helped immensely. Here is Anne Janzer’s succinct summation:

Within each of us, the Scribe summons our verbal skills to find the right words, assembles them in grammatically correct sentences, and creates sensible structures. The Scribe manages deadlines and gets the work done.
But writer also access intuition, creativity, and empathy. These processes are the domain of the Muse.
The Writer’s Process page 17

This is something we intuitively know and, as a teacher of writing, I was aware of and taught these unique skills. But the framework of the Scribe and the Muse provides a way to move practically with awareness through the steps of the writing process. Critically, they have different kinds of attention:

SCRIBE: focused attention eg research, outlining, revision, proof-reading
MUSE: creative, wide-ranging attention, including periods of rest, incubation

When we are drafting, ideally the Muse and Scribe work together in a state of flow.

Understanding these different skill-sets and types of attention means we can harness them. We can draw on the interplay between them in our creative process. Janzer’s practical tips for leading ourselves help us negotiate through the ebb and flow of the demanding cognitive task of writing, especially when working on a longer project.

Laptop computer on a desk with an open book and pen and a cup of coffee. It looks like research is in progress.

Understand the 7 steps of the writing process

Anne Janzer provides a very useful 7 step model of the writing process using the analogy of bread-making. She aligns these writing (and baking) steps with the inner gears of the writing process.

Getting clearer on this writing process, one we often cycle back and forth through, has been incredibly useful. I like to have a map, compass or framework for anything I am doing. This overall flow of the writing process and being more cognisant of the inner gears at work has supported me as I’ve moved through writing my book:

1 Research (Scribe)

2 Let the ideas incubate (Muse)

3 Structure the piece (Scribe)

4 Write the first draft (Scribe + Muse)

5 Rest before revision (Scribe rests; Muse may choose to return)

6 Revise and proofread (Scribe leads; occasional Muse input)

7 Publish (Scribe)

It’s powerful to see the process in this way and where the Muse and Scribe fit, especially the role of incubation. We often think we are procrastinating or delaying if we are not always in forward movement with writing. Through the analogy of writing with bread-making, Janzer highlights the importance of letting ideas or drafts rest. Just as bread needs time for the ingredients to activate and integrate, so we need to allow time to reflect on what we have written.

Sometimes, we need to stop writing so more things can come to light in our life. In writing Wholehearted, there was a long period of incubation before the deeper editing process, including reaching out for support. It felt uncomfortable, but now I can see the work required it to be integrated and complete. Knowing this is part of the cognitive and creative process of writing assists us in making sense of the uncertainty and confusion as we let our work rest and ideas incubate.

Ingredients and equipment for bread-making - eggs, milk and a rolling pin alongside a fresh cut loaf of bread.

Apply cognitive science for personal writing productivity

Here are a few further insights for The Writer’s Process that helped in my personal writing productivity and process and in coaching work with others:

Managing multiple writing projects with awareness

The idea of having different cognitive processes at work and tasks has helped with my creative productivity and planning. Janzer encourages us to use the insights from the inner gears and the writing process to stagger our work. It’s challenging to work on the same type of cognitive tasks across different projects at the same time. So look at it another way!

Instead, stagger the start times so the projects are in different phases: research, drafting, incubation, revision. Create the right work environment conditions for each type of work. If you are freshest mentally in the morning, do the drafting first thing. Schedule research and revision for other parts of the day, and remember to leave unstructured time to ponder what you’re learning in the research.
The Writer’s Process page 142

This insight was gold! Now I think about how I structure and schedule my writing in terms of the phases of various writing projects and the processes involved. I’m considering how and when my brain works best and have more self-mastery by choosing the gears and timing. Having multiple writing projects on the go is demanding, but this framework helps us work with more ease and insight. Projects can influence each other. We choose what we work on depending on the project phase, processes and our personality preferences. We can work on the research for one project, the draft for another and the editing of a third, and build a writing schedule around this. Life-changing!

Reflecting on how cognitive science writing insights link with psychological type

I have also reflected on the insights from cognitive science in The Writer’s Process and the link with psychological type. I presented a session on ‘What 100 Years of Type can Teach us About Writing’ for the British Association of Psychological Type in April this year. Reviewing the field of personality and writing over the years was fascinating and yielded insights into how we go about the writer’s process in different ways as individuals. Our preferences influence how we draft, for example. Some of us would never speak to another person when we draft and work out what to write. It’s a totally introverted and internal journey. Others enjoy a conversation or brainstorming session with others to get ideas and inspiration to write.

It’s valuable to think about how we can bring together the cognitive aspects and our personal cognitive preferences to navigate and flex through the writing process. Insights from the two fields together yield practical tips to help us move through the writing process successfully, especially when we are in it for the long haul!

We might look at:

What is our natural way of writing through the writing process?
What happens when that doesn’t work or we feel blocked?
How can we use knowledge of the gears, the steps and our own preferences to more strongly lead ourselves through the writing process?
How can we get to know our unique writer’s process – that mesh of psychological preferences, process and what we desire to craft?

These reflections can lead to more productive and enjoyable creative experiences and journeys.

Writing is intensely personal. Productive writers develop strategies that suit their individual personalities and environments.
The writer’s Process, p1.

Woman writing in a notebook with a few other notebooks beside her and a cup of coffee she is drinking as she writes.

Next steps and thank you

Anne Janzer’s book and my further exploration promoted exciting insights I’m applying and sharing with others in my coaching. Join me and my friend and writing partner, Beth Cregan on The Writing Road Trip in 2022.

Join me in Personality Stories Coaching to get deeper insight into your personality preferences for creativity, writing and all aspects of life. This includes how to honour and work with your strengths and stretch into your less preferred areas to grow.

I’m grateful to Anne Janzer for so many fascinating and supportive insights about the writer’s process. It’s a valuable read with many complex cognitive science ideas clearly articulated. The frameworks are practical for writing more consciously and moving through the writer’s process with clarity.

I encourage you to read The Writer’s Process to inspire and support your writing process. And please share your insights and thoughts in the comments!

Images by others used with thanks to the creators: [ID in Alt text]

Computer and notebook – Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

Bread-making – Photo by Hector Farahani on Unsplash

Woman writing – Photo by Kat Stokes on Unsplash

Books self-leadership + leadership

Wholehearted book walkthrough step by step

August 4, 2021

Welcome to a Wholehearted Book Walkthrough. Here I step you through the chapters and journey of reading my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition. I also welcome questions via the comments. You can also watch the video on Youtube with subtitles if that is your preference or it’s easier for you. It’s also at the bottom of this post.

When you pre-order Wholehearted, you can get a copy of Chapter 1 so you can begin reading now. This includes the Contents pages and Foreword, an original and a glimpse of the tarot cards that feature in Wholehearted. That way you can get an overview of the reading journey of Wholehearted and what it offers you. After you’ve purchased the book or books, go to the Wholehearted book page. Pop your details in on that page and it will be with you in no time.

Or I’ve popped the forms at the bottom of this post to make it easier for you if you’ve already purchased!

Copy of the book Wholehearted and the Companion Workbook against a sunrise pink background.

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: the high level

You come into Wholehearted with an introduction into the story of transition via a poem, two key tarot cards, the Foreword and the contents pages. From this, you gain an insight into what is coming and get an overview of the Wholehearted reading journey.

The books is in three parts:

Part 1 My Wholehearted Journey – covers Sections 1 to 5 where I share my experiences of making the shift from long-term government employee to a more wholehearted, self-sustaining, creative life. The essence of this transition was about getting back to what is important in the day to day. I explore the positives and challenges of this experience, what helped me and what I learnt over time. Through-out this section and the book I provide practical tips to help you with making positive transitions.

Part 2 Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills – Sections 6 to 8 is where I bring together the Wholehearted Self-leadership skills I’ve learnt on the journey and share them with you to help your own transition and transformation to what is important to you.

Part 3 Bringing it all together – Sections 9 to 10 is where I take a more high-level view of how living a more wholehearted life comes together. I share what I’ve experienced, the markers, what arrives in the wake of transition and the choices we have. This section conveys what self-leadership looks like when you bring the skills together.

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: I My Wholehearted Journey

To step you through in more detail, here’s an overview of what is in Part I My Wholehearted Journey:

Section 1 Beginning the Journey takes you into the heart of my transition journey. I share the key turning point and how this was coming for a long time as big changes often do. There is a tough moment when I knew this transition was really on. I explore how I rebuilt my life step by step via Quiet Writing, blogging, finding a voice and new purpose and the beginning of an alternative path. We look at transition and turning points and how self-leadership became so important in my life and what it offers you.

Section 2 is about Imagining Another Way. I chart the course of the transition in practical terms and the stepping stones and lighthouses that helped in initial stages. This includes looking at the role of hard inner work, showing up for ourselves and how self-talk affects us as we make our journey.

Section 3 Identifying your Passions and What you Love explains how tapping into your passions and uniqueness is a valuable guide to a new life. This is especially important as we re-orient ourselves to living differently.

Section 4 is Identifying your Natural Gifts, Style and Desires. Here we look at your personality preferences and how embracing your natural strengths and gifts is a powerful guide for transition. We look at defining your style and personality in different ways and how tapping into what you desire to feel offers a compass.

Section 5 rounds off Part 1 and focuses on Identifying your Body of Work and Resources Over Time. When making a significant transition, we can often leave pieces of ourselves behind. So it’s vital to look at your body of work and the resources you’ve built up to move forward in ways that are meaningful to you.

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: II Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills

Section 6 is the largest section of the book and the heart of it. Here I walk you through 15 Wholehearted Self-leadership skills that have been pivotal in my transition. I share these skills to support your own change-making and transformation journey. These practices, mindsets and skills are the foundation and backbone of my transition day in, day out.

They include:

6.1 Setting powerful heartfelt intentions
6.2 Writing as daily practice
6.10 Tuning into intuition and listening within

I explain how these practices helped me and why and how I honed them and continue to hone them over time.

Section 7 is about Valuing and Building Influences and Connections. I explore the value of influences and honouring what brought you to this point via five of my creative mentors. These mentors have been an immense influence, particularly in the early stages of my transformation in tough times. I unpack what I learnt from each of them as role models. And I talk about the importance of community and support as we make change. Often this is something we need to do in new ways including online.

Section 8 is Working with the Shadow Side in Becoming Whole. Here we traverse some of the darker, shadowy sides of life and our personality. We look at the less preferred areas of our personality, our weaknesses, our inferior function, grief, unrequited love, envy and comparisonitis. Just as we need light and shade in our gardens, and have the lighter and darker cycles of the moon, we need to embrace ourselves fully. It’s helpful to look at the shadow aspects of our life and personality as a force for good. We learn from them. Making these shadow aspects more conscious is some of the most powerfully transformative whole-making work we can do.

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: III Bringing it all together

Part III is where we bring it all together.

Chapter 9 looks at Guides for the Wholehearted Path and two key aspects: synchronicity and grounding in the practical and every day.

Chapter 10 is the final chapter and looks at Self-leadership and Love as the heart of Wholeheartedness. It looks particularly at the role of choice and love in our wholehearted self-leadership journey.

There is a wealth of information and resources in the end matter too, with extensive endnotes and key references for further reading and exploration.

Wholehearted Companion Workbook

The Wholehearted Companion Workbook tracks along each of the chapters of the book, providing further application and examples. It provides the opportunity to apply the learning to your own circumstances in a supported self-coaching way. I also share more about my own experiences as an example to help prompt your own thinking.

I hope this walk through of Wholehearted helps you to see the rich reading and transformation experience that awaits.

Head over to the advance praise for Wholehearted from early readers as another insight to the reading experience the book offers.

Links to pre-order Wholehearted are on on my website. You can purchase Wholehearted at Booktopia, Amazon (all territories), Kobo, Apple iBooks, indiebound.org and Bookshop.org. Both books are available at discounted pre-order prices in paperback and ebook!

Once you’ve pre-ordered, don’t forget to come back and add your details to get Chapter 1. You can also join me for a live Masterclass on the 15 Wholehearted Self-leadership skills if you pre-order two or more books. You can do this below.

I hope that’s helpful! Thanks for reading and/or watching and listening. Welcome any further questions or comments!

Thank you for joining me on this Wholehearted journey. I hope the books can support you on your self-leadership transition journey to a more wholehearted and fulfilling life. Whatever that means for you!

Wholehearted Book Walkthrough on video with subtitles

Here’s the video with subtitles if you want to watch:

Here is the form to complete to get Chapter 1 if you’ve already purchased one book:

Here is the form to complete to get Chapter 1 now + an invitation to a live Masterclass on ’15 Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills to Change your Life’ if you’ve purchased 2 or more books:

transition work life

6 tips to transition from consistent, unexciting work

July 30, 2021

I shared a Wholehearted Q&A chat on Instagram live recently and asked for questions about the book, transition and self-leadership.

This fabulous question came in from Esther via Instagram:

What advice would you give to someone too scared to leave the consistency of working for the government but knowing they are no longer excited or challenged by the work anymore?

Such an excellent question! Thank you Esther. It went straight to my heart. I worked in government as a teacher and leader in the vocational education sector for 30 plus years, so I know intimately the feeling you are expressing. And I am sure it is something many women ponder as they contemplate the tension between ‘safe’ and consistent work and not feeling fulfilled by unexciting work. It certainly brings up fear and trepidation!

You can watch my live as I answer the question here (video also below at the end of this post) or read my response below. Or both! And I welcome your comments or questions too if you have experienced this situation or are experiencing it now.

I’m hearing in this question the desire for change, but also valuing the security and ongoing employment offered. It’s a very real tension and one that can keep us stuck as we work out the best way to move. But if we can make a plan to move on to better things, it can make all the difference to our mindset!

Here are 6 tips for changing from consistent but unexciting work!

1. Look at your why

A starting point would be to look at WHY you are no longer challenged or excited in the organisation or role you are in.

Journal about this to see what comes up. Is it because, for example:

you are no longer aligned to the organisation.
it’s boring and not stretching you in the role you are in.
you wish to be doing something completely different.
you have long-held creative yearnings that you want to fill.
something else?

This will help you with the next step of looking at options.

2. Look at your options

If no longer challenged or excited by your work role now, brainstorm and make a list of options open to you. Self-leadership is all about exploring options and choices. Then actively pursuing what you feel is right for you with intention. Some of your options might be:

seeking new opportunities within the organisation you work for.
seeking opportunities like secondment in another government organisation or a project role where you can feel more excitement and challenge.
starting a consultancy on the side or another sort of side-hustle around a passion or something you’ve always wanted to do.
seek opportunities for space to consider options, for example: working part time, job-sharing, taking leave, working four days a week or a nine-day fortnight.
look at the skills you have, your body of work over time and where this might take you next.

Often we see our situations and options as binary and either/or, but there are frequently many choices. The transition to what you desire might involve a series of choices that take you there, one step at a time. It might not be one gigantic leap even though that may feel like the most desirable option. Deep transition takes time and is often incremental.

3. Get a vision of what life might be like

To get a vision of what life might look like in the future, write about what your ideal day might look like in a few years’ time. This simple but powerful activity helps to get to what is in your heart and what would help you feel fulfilled and happy. Often it’s simpler than we think and this activity helps us to see where we are already on the way.

A vision board or collage is another way to do this if you are more visual. You could start a Pinterest Board and gather images of what your new life might look like to see what themes emerge and what you are seeking through change. This process helps us to tap into what is beneath the surface of our consciousness, trying to break through.

4. Take inventory

When you want change or are not happy where you are, it is easy to dwell on what you don’t have. It’s helpful and grounding therefore to look at what you have and see how you can deploy these resources more effectively.

Areas to take stock of include:

skills you have, your body of work
skills you want to develop
resources, including financial resources
financial options
potential income sources
superannuation
leave
investment strategies
where you could cut back

Part of the fear of leaving a government job (and often other employment) is letting go of the security, the regular pay and the conditions. They are familiar and regular and it is not a decision to be made lightly. If you wish to leave, look at what you have to help you make a shift and how you might supplement or replace the income. Look at living differently, having fewer expenses, making income creatively.

5. Check your mindset – look at the fears

It’s very natural to feel fear as we make change, even if it is a change we deeply want.

An important distinction is this.

CHANGE is external – what happens to us, also what we choose to change or start.

TRANSITION is internal – how we plan, adjust, prepare, ground ourselves and our mindset as we do this.

The inner work of transition, even from unexciting work, includes looking at the fears, self-limiting beliefs and self-doubt that typically arise in times of change. Managing the internal aspects of transition strengthens our ability to negotiate change positively with self-knowledge.

If feeling scared, have a good look at your fears. Make a list of what scares you. Get it down on paper. Identify the false, overstated or imagined fears, then identify the ones that are genuine concerns. Once you have these identified, use all the tips here to work out how to address these fears in practical terms.

6. Get support

Significant transition takes time. It feels like your very identity is in the mix even if the unexciting work is making you unhappy. Often you feel alone, lost and uncertain at such times. You need support! Get a coach – I would love to support you if you are going through transition times in a 1:1 capacity as your coach. Working with a coach helped me immensely as I went through my transition journey, and I still work with coaches all the time to keep growing and focused. A group coaching program like the Sacred Creative Collective can also be an option if you want support and connection with others while going through change.

Head to Work with me to learn how you can work with me as your coach. First step is a free Self-leadership Discovery Call so we can connect and have a conversation about your challenges and desires and where I might help. You can book that free, no obligation call HERE.

So summing up, here are my 6 tips for transitioning from consistent but unexciting work:

Look at your why – so you can get some context and a starting point.
Look at options – so you can widen your scope of action.
Get a vision of what life might be like – see what you might really want.
Take inventory – look at the resources you have for a new life.
Check your mindset – look at fears and interrogate them.
Get support – via a coach and community to help you negotiate the changes positively.

Watch the video here to review:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Terri Connellan (@writingquietly)

Knowing it’s time to make a plan for a transition

If you know in your heart you’ve had enough of this unexciting work and need to move on. Or there’s been a turning point event in your life that has clearly said, ‘I no longer belong here’, then making a transition plan using the above tips is helpful.

Another resource for you is to strengthen your self-leadership skills is my book, Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition. It is full of practical strategies to help you with self-leadership if you are going through change or wanting something different. Plus the experience of reading the book and working through the workbook is a deep self-leadership and self-coaching experience.

You can pre-order Wholehearted and the Companion Workbook now to help you navigate times of transition. The books will be with you on 6 September. In the meantime, I’ll send you a free pdf of Chapter 1 so you can start reading now.

Plus, if you purchase 2 books, Wholehearted and/or the Companion Workbook, you can join me for a live Masterclass on ‘15 Wholehearted Self-leadership Skill to Change your Life’ where I’ll walk you through these strategies and answer questions.

So click below to find out more about the books. All the links to pre-order the paperback and ebook versions worldwide via different booksellers are there.

Learn more about Wholehearted

How to tap into the power of emerging at midlife

Create Your Deeper Story 1 to 1 Coaching

Stories of Wholehearted Living

Sacred Creative Collective Group Coaching

Cora Pacheco – Sacred Creative Stories of Transition

Your body of work: the greatest gift for transition to a bright new life

Image credits:

Feature image: Photo by Siddharth Bhogra on Unsplash

Vision board image: Photo by Andy Art on Unsplash

Laptop image: Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

transition writing

Celebrating ‘Wholehearted’ publishing partnership with the kind press

January 31, 2021

I am celebrating publishing Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition and the Wholehearted Companion Workbook in partnership with the kind press in 2021.

The kind press is an independent Australian-based publisher. They work with authors ‘to create high-quality, stylish, books that are diverting, inspiring, spirited and clever.’

Working in partnership with the kind press is the perfect fit. They have a focus on sacred cocreation. This is so in line with the Sacred Creative Collective and Quiet Writing values and my desire to be an independently published author. It is a brilliant, assisted way to publish and learn more about writing and publishing from those who are expert in the field.

My sincere thanks to Natasha Gilmour—editor, publisher and founder of the kind press —and all at the kind press for all the support and guidance in shaping Wholehearted and its Companion Workbook for publication. Huge thanks too to my editor and friend, Penelope Love, for all her valued assistance with editing and nurturing support throughout the wholehearted publishing process! You might remember Penelope’s Wholehearted Story from 2018.

I can’t wait for the next steps and I hope you will all come along for the continuing journey! We are currently working on the cover design which is very exciting so stay tuned for the cover reveal.

The publishing announcement is below:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by the kind press (@the_kind_press)

Let me know any questions you might have about the writing and the Wholehearted publishing process and my own journey!

Write your book with me

I am also offering a Write Your Book group coaching program later in 2021 in case you are interested in support, camaraderie and skills for your own writing projects. Because I can tell you it takes a community to write a book and bring it to fruition and we all need that support. Here for you if that is on your plan for 2021. Head over to pop your name on the WRITE YOUR BOOK PRIORITY LIST to be the first to hear more.

About the author + coach

Terri Connellan is a certified life coach, author and accredited psychological type practitioner. She has a Master of Arts in Language and Literacy, two teaching qualifications and a successful 30-year career as a teacher and a leader in adult vocational education. Her coaching and writing focus on creativity, personality and self-leadership—especially for women in transition to a life with deeper purpose. Terri works with women globally through her creative business, Quiet Writing, encouraging deeper self-understanding of body of work, creativity and psychological type for more wholehearted and fulfilling lives. Her book ‘Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition’ will be published in 2021 by the kind press. She lives and writes in a village on the outskirts of Sydney surrounded by beach and bush.

Book your Self-leadership Discovery Call with Terri here.

Explore your personality further in Personality Stories Coaching.

Connect on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn.

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self-leadership

The Silent Whispers of my Mind – Journeying from fragmented to wholehearted

Life can be scary

A fragmented life

Feeling my feelings

The silent whispers of my mind—my inner wise Sage

Trusting the silent whisperer

Who am I?

Self-expression and intuition

Key book companions along the way

About Valerie Lewis

Read more Wholehearted Stories

Keep in touch

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Stories of Wholehearted Living

How other women’s stories helped mine

Turning points in our lives

How other women’s stories can light the way

Thank you to these women for stories shared on Quiet Writing

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You hone the craft of writing through practice; it does not arise from understanding the mind alone. But the practice is easier and more enjoyable when you approach it in a way that complements your mind’s behavior.

Know and use your inner gears

Understand the 7 steps of the writing process

Apply cognitive science for personal writing productivity

Managing multiple writing projects with awareness

Reflecting on how cognitive science writing insights link with psychological type

Next steps and thank you

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Wholehearted Book walkthrough: the high level

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: I My Wholehearted Journey

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: II Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills

Wholehearted Book walkthrough: III Bringing it all together

Wholehearted Companion Workbook

Wholehearted Book Walkthrough on video with subtitles

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What advice would you give to someone too scared to leave the consistency of working for the government but knowing they are no longer excited or challenged by the work anymore?

Here are 6 tips for changing from consistent but unexciting work!

1. Look at your why

2. Look at your options

3. Get a vision of what life might be like

4. Take inventory

5. Check your mindset – look at the fears

6. Get support

So summing up, here are my 6 tips for transitioning from consistent but unexciting work:

Watch the video here to review:

Knowing it’s time to make a plan for a transition

Read more:

Share this:

Like this:

Write your book with me

About the author + coach

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