Category

writing

family history love, loss & longing transcending writing

The healing power of family history

July 5, 2010

 

My family has had a traumatic time over the past years. My younger brother died very tragically in November 2007. It was the saddest day and life was never the same. My father then died suddenly in May, 2009 so another wave of loss ensued and my happy, stable family of four was halved. Like all people dealing with grief, I struggled to get through the days, the weeks, the months after each episode and still feel the deepest sense of loss. I connect to them, especially my brother, through music as I drive to work first through the bush and then through the traffic. Music is such a powerful source of memory and connection.

Another way I found myself managing these terrible waves of grief was through family history.  I had already begun my search before these events, tracking back like a detective through the generations following the links. With the separation and the trauma from the deaths of those so close to me, family history and  ‘looking back to look forward’  has become a link to my brother and my father. My extended family, also their family, the closest link.  I could find the line anchoring us. I could lose myself in the research and discovery about where we came from. And from that, the story of our history could emerge and connect us. New narratives could form; old buried stories could be brought alive. Christina Baldwin in Storycatcher (details below) talks about tending the fire, the responsibility of being a storycatcher and the power of story to connect, ‘heal, remind and guide us.’

It’s not the only answer but:

  • if moving through is having something to cling to that helps you think about the future, ironically by planting you firmly in the past….
  • if moving through is knowing more about where you came from and the shared history you take forward…
  • if moving through is finding stories that connect you, knowing more about the stories of your ancestors and finding those that resonate…
  • if healing is about losing yourself in something so you are not completely overwhelmed by thoughts of grief and moment to moment anguish…
  • if story helps anchor your creativity and move you forward into something new, to integration and resolution even if it’s all not perfect or ever the same as it was…

then family history offers a healing place, a space to learn and engage with your origins, as far as you can, to take you forward to help you face a new future.

I am not a therapist or an affiliate of any family history sites or the resources below. I speak from the experience of working through family history as part of a  personal healing journey over the past few years. For me, it has led to an immense inner resource of narrative that I wish to tell in other ways such as through the writing of novels based on the stories of my ancestors. I am researching and planning this work at present.

For some people, family history research may not be possible or easy for various reasons, but I encourage people to consider the value of story to help connect in whatever way possible. Our stories of being disconnected also need to be told. The story from my family history that is the most compelling is one of absolute disconnection and  it is demanding to be told.

Some resources I have found useful on this journey are:

Ancestry: Amazing site with so many electronic data bases of records and existing family histories. You need to join up for the full benefits but there is much to gain from this.

Storycatcher: making sense of our lives through the power and practice of story, Christina Baldwin: an excellent book on story and the value of narrative to help frame new worlds.

The pictures on this page are some of the relatives I have found out more about through my searches. The woman above is one of my great, great, great grandmothers, Susannah Morris ( nee Richardson). The man below is her husband, William Morris. Both were early Australian settlers. How these photos have survived from such an early time, I do not know. My thanks to extended family member, Allan Morris, for passing them onto  family member and fellow researcher, Alex McDonald and I. This is the other thing that happens – you find new family connections and forge new links that you never knew you had.

Do you have any stories to tell about the healing power of family history?

 

Share

 

6 Comments
blogging creativity writing

Gems #3

June 27, 2010

Some gems shining a little light this week:

I absolutely loved Chris Guillebeau’s recent post, ‘Free Advice’. Talk about challenging things you generally accept without thinking and turning them on their head! This post does this in a fabulously thought-provoking way. I have been reflecting on the thoughts therein for the past week and have certainly found myself challenging some common concepts that are often blindly accepted. Like ‘the customer is always right…’ Are they? Equally fascinating was the stream of comments that emerged from readers with waves of fresh thinking. Like ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too.’ As one wise reader, Patrenia, comments, ‘Why have the cake if I can’t eat it?’ Indeed. Some great fresh perspectives on all manner of things – customer service, checking emails in the morning, twitter, projects and team – in this post and its flow on comments.

I thoroughly enjoyed Joanna Penn’s podcast interview with Scott Sigler on ‘How to be a NY Times Best-selling Author’. It was another ‘blow your mind’ moment in terms of shifting my thinking about publication, especially self-publishing and podcasting as ways to get written work out there. The world of publishing has changed radically in recent times with technology and it is fascinating to hear the stories of writers such as Scott and their success across different platforms. Joanna Penn’s podcasts at The Creative Penn are full of such dynamic and inspiring stories of innovation in all genres of publishing and social media. Scott Sigler’s newest novel, Ancestor, has its own book trailer developed by him which is amazing and perfectly geared for other visually based media such as YouTube.

Loved this post from literary agent, Rachelle Gardner, on ‘Resources for Writing Memoir’ (via Twitter, Joanna Penn). Not only does it have great  tips and resources for writing memoir, it also has an excellent list of memoirs to read, some of which were familiar and loved and others that were new and endorsed by many – so a great list to delve into. I also love Tristine Rainer’s, ‘Your Life as Story’ about writing memoir and highly recommend it if this is an interest.

Image by Opals-on-Black.com,  from flickr and used under a Creative Commons license.

Share

1 Comments
blogging creativity planning & productivity writing

Planning to be fluid

June 14, 2010

I have a plan for this blog and where it’s going, and part of the plan is to be fluid but focussed. It’s open; open to intuition, influence and the flow of other thoughts. I have a sense of structure, of where it might lead. You can see this in my category headings  on the right and also in the first post explaining its raison d’etre. All this I will explain and probably understand further in time as it evolves.

The planning underpinning this involved many months of reading, writing, brainstorming, mind-mapping, researching, learning about the blogging process itself and also engaging in the experience of reading blogs and and connecting through social media. I’m still learning so much but it was all about reflecting on my key message, what I felt I had to tell and contribute and learning how to do that in practice, at least enough to begin. Then, getting the courage to start.

But it all needs to remain fluid, to be able to evolve and to take in the constantly new perspectives and thoughts from reading including those from online sources. It is an infinitely fascinating space, the online space, especially influential in how it can shape your thoughts in a positive way.

The other day, I caught up with Chris Guillebeau’s recent post, ‘Transitions‘, a very powerful and beautiful thought piece about holding onto the space of transition before moving on. He encourages focusing on the moment of transition rather than rushing to move on, be it in the sphere of work, travel, relationships or anything else…‘hold on to the moment as long as you can…’, the sheer poignancy of it and what it means.

Somehow from this, I started thinking about the space between planning and intuition. How you need to plan, schedule, have a strategy, know what success looks like, set objectives and set the measures for how you know you have arrived, but that you also need to remain open to intuition, what the stream of consciousness delivers, the post that asks to be written despite your original plan for the day, the work project that needs to be messy and possibly get worse before things can be resolved and moved on.

Allowing a space for openness and  intuition within a plan can only enrich it in the long run, as long as you know where you are heading. The plan is important to keep your overall direction intact but it’s also critical to avoid being rigid and immune to influence once you have a plan and are on your way.

For setting goals in the first place, I have found the following posts and processes useful:

Chris Guillebeau’s annual review process

Chris again and the importance of strategy vs tactics and the need for clear strategy – love the quote in this one.

Paul Myers’ ‘A simple system to achieve your goals’ – great for identifying your contacts and resources amongst other things

Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte’s book, ‘Style Statement’, I absolutely recommend for understanding your authentic self as a tool for life choices

Shanna Germain’s  musing on goal-setting as a writer – she sets high goals for output and achieves much in the process

The communicatrix’s take on her experience with the goal setting process and what it brings up in its wake

It’s fascinating to see how all the stars who have influenced me are working on goals and strategy. It seems once the direction is set, it’s easier to engage with and reflect on the journey wherever it takes you; easier not to get lost in the important sidetracks or paths that might come up; and easier to assess if a new direction is required.

What’s your take on planning vs intuition?

Image: Fluids’s reflection, by Sergio Tudela via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

Share

2 Comments
creativity music & images transcending writing

Gems #2

June 9, 2010

  

I am absolutely thrilled by Susannah Conway’s announcement of her book deal. As Susannah says, ‘Here’s some proof that if you put a dream into words – and put it out there – the planets will align to help make it happen.’ 

What started as an e-course will become an ‘Unravelling’ book full of beautiful concepts, photographs, creativity, an ‘elegant journal with polaroids slipped between the pages…’ It already sounds delicious and 144 people have so far commented that they will read and buy, and buy for friends and family. And through the pages of Susannah’s blog, the opportunity to engage with the potential readership is already unfolding. Inspirational!  

I am a great lover of Australian singer songwriters. Well, any singer song writers really, but there are some special Australians I love in this genre. Stephen Cummings is right up there: singer, song-writer, poet, novelist, rock star…I love his song, ‘Fell from a great height’:

‘I fell from a great height
Scrambling with myth and light
Surrendered to a dream
That was absolutely right
I fell from a great height’

The song has such layers and  depth, continuing to evolve as you listen over time. Beautiful. The song was also a duet with Toni Childs and appeared on her compilation album, Best of Toni Childs in 1995. I especially love the acoustic version on Stephen’s album, ‘Close-ups.’ 

And finally, Sage Cohen has a gem of an opportunity for poets with ‘The Life Poetic iphone contest.’ You are invited to submit up to three, unpublished poems that you feel represent the spirit of “the life poetic” for consideration by July 4, 2010. Sage will choose her favorite 365 for inclusion in a “Life Poetic” iPhone app that features a poem a day for a year. What an enduring way to celebrate the life poetic!

Image by jmtimages,  used under a Creative Commons license.

Share

3 Comments
creativity transcending writing

Balancing acts

June 6, 2010

This week has been so very busy at work; much to sort, solve and manage and all very intense. I struggled to get here at all to write after what I felt was a strong start. The balancing act of managing the ‘day’ job and creative aspirations remains a challenge for me as it does for many people.

I’m interested in how others attempt this balancing act and their commentary about this. Also how balance is perceived – work/life balance, priorities and how we can better strive to meet our personal goals.

I asked Joanna Penn from The Creative Penn about this. I have been reading her blog and listening to the podcasts about how she built her online presence, how she maintains this and how she continues to learn about social media. Also, how she is writing a novel. And then she mentioned on one of her podcasts that she has a full-time job as well – as an IT consultant to a mining company. Hallelujah, I thought, a role model – someone managing to balance creativity, the investment of time required to support this and a full-time job.

Joanna’s answer referred me to two of her posts: ‘On efficiency or how to get everything done as a multi-tasking writer,’ and ‘What will you give up to write your book?’ I found the answers fascinating and they rang true with my own thoughts. ‘Getting rid of the TV’ is right up there and confirms my own thoughts on how much time this activity can take up. Less sleep, maximising travel time, being organised, setting goals and investing in education are included in Joanna’s tips and have also featured in my attempts to achieve across a range of life goals of career and creativity.

The concept of balance is an interesting one. Joanna also says ‘love the process’, confirming some inspiring words I read recently in Ted Kooser’s wonderful ‘The Poetry Home Repair Manual’:

‘Remember that the greatest pleasure of writing are to be found in the process itself. Enjoy paying attention to the world, relish the quiet hours at your desk, delight in the headiness of writing well and the pleasure of having done something as well as you can.’

If we are always looking for balance, we may well feel we never get it right. Who’s to say any particular balancing act is right or wrong? I was buoyed by Danielle LaPorte’s joyous debunking of the concept of work life balance: in ‘the suck factor of life balance +passion as a cure to stress.’ Truly, I felt freed after reading this and decided on my own cry of intention in moving forward: ‘No more ‘either/or’….’ No more waiting for one thing to stop so I can do another; no more waiting for time or other resources which may never arrive in that perfect state. Just move ahead, focussing on what I have now. You can have a life of adventure, passion, joy of process and in a way, refuse to be balanced.

To quote from Danielle’s inspiring post:

‘When you refuse the banality of balance and go for full on life (which includes full on productivity and full on stillness,) you’ll see the inevitable mess of it all as something more beautiful and purposeful – full of peaks and valleys – an adventure. The climb can be rigorous, grueling sometimes, but the air is cleaner, and the view will blow your mind. The fruit you’ll find on your own tilted path is so much sweeter – and there’s so much more of it to share.’

So the search for balance may be just an act, an automatic response, that really doesn’t help with moving ahead much at all or worse, holds us back as we wait for a state of illusory perfection that may never come. In that sense, perhaps it’s just another form of resistance? What are your thoughts on balancing acts?

Image: Rocks balancing, by me’nthedogs’ via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

Share

3 Comments
reading notes writing

Gems #1 Reading notes

May 29, 2010

Some gems shining a little light this week:

Via the communicatrix, news of a new online magazine for women called Delish. Focusing on ‘what’s real, what’s useful and what’s beautiful’, it is gorgeous, smart, savvy and multi-faceted and clearly will appeal to an audience with these same qualities. Congrats to the team – it’s sensational.

I laughed out loud this week reading the quirky hyperbole and a half and a great post on sneaky hate spirals – all about days when all the little annoyances just build up.

And a true vintage gem I love – Marion Milner’s ‘A Life Of One’s Own’ , published in 1934 under the pseudonym Joanna Field. A pioneering exploration based on her own diaries, the book is the record of a seven years’ study of living and identifying what makes her happy. From this, she provides  perceptions and suggestions that can be practised to increase focus and happiness. It concludes with a discovery about psychic bisexuality – balancing the best of both worlds from what Marion sees as our male and female orientations: the objective and the intuitive respectively. Some words from this beautifully reflective book:

“My daydreams are nearly all of country cottages, of little gardens, of ‘settling down’ with flowers in vases and coloured curtains. I don’t think of backaches, dish washing.

I want to live amongst things that grow, not amongst machines. To live in a regular rhythm with sun and rain and wind and fresh air and the coming and going of the seasons. I want a few friends that I may learn to know and understand and talk to without embarrassment or doubt.

I want to write books, to see them printed and bound.

And to get clearer ideas on this great tangle of human behaviour.

To simplify my environment so that a vacillating will is kept in the ways that I love. Instead of pulled this way and that in response to the suggestion of the crowd and the line of least resistance.”

Image, Gems XII by fdecomite via Flickr, used under a Creative Commons license

Share

3 Comments

PRIVACY POLICY

Privacy Policy

COOKIE POLICY

Cookie Policy